marraskuuta 02, 2005


I took the car to my sister’s this morning, since she decided to go to Imatra. On my way to the tram stop from her apartment this completely ordinary looking old man turned to me in the lights and said something I couldn’t hear since the music was too loud. So I took my earphone off, said “Sorry?” and he says to me “Good morning”. What was that about? Did I miss something and people have started going around saying “good morning” to strangers in the traffic lights? Or did he think that he did know me?

Maybe I should do a sociological study and ask a select group of people if they are in the habit of greeting their fellow human beings in the traffic lights. Or should I ask them if they experience it as strange that someone would do that? Maybe they think that it is the most natural way to begin a morning. Or maybe it should be? Would it make the world a happier place, if we started saying “good morning” to a minimum of three strangers every morning?

I didn’t feel happier though, only puzzled. Being a polite young woman I said “good morning” back to the old man, but then I decided in an instant – or didn’t even consciously decide, just reacted really – and walked to the next traffic lights without stopping as I had intended to. I am not quite certain I want to know what that tells about me.

Ah, I don’t want to think about it.

Today. What happened today? We had the last session of the Enlightenment-course, not a real session anymore, but a one for feedback. I think the students liked the course all right; 9/10 is the grade they gave to it – anonymously au naturellement. It was certainly good enough a course to be worth doing again; personally it was also a good opportunity to remind oneself how important it is to know the subject matter one is teaching. It is much more rewarding this way. Not that I’m saying that I would ever have taught a course the subject matter of which I would not have known. No. Never. Ever. It’s just that knowing is such a relative matter.

This is again one of those days when I’ve felt the desire to know more, to learn more, to read more. S was presenting his licentiate thesis today, legal philosophy. I’ve had an interest in philosophy for who knows how long, but my knowledge of philosophy is not much better than that of an average coffee-table debater. I know just enough to think that sometimes I get hold of the rope and manage to pull myself a little above the water. I can feel the thoughts tickle the surface of my brains, expanding them. But they do not make real contact, not enough for my brains to start emitting thoughts back – not yet at least. I want to know more, but there are so many things I want to know more about. So many things I want to do.

I love it that I want again.

I hate it that I have wasted so much time.

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