marraskuuta 25, 2007

Not a totally wasted weekend

Well, I have some kind of version of the presentation ready now.

One might think that I was so busy with the presentation yesterday, that I didn't even have time to come here. One might, but wouldn't one be so wrong. It was nearly two o'clock before I went to bed Friday - writing and music, what can I say - so I got up around ten yesterday. I had a nice, long breakfast and played some puzzles before I got to the computer. The idea of writing the presentation did not appeal to me at all, so I decided to play a game of spider for encouragement. I played a game, I played two. It was somewhat after noon, when I got started, then around three, six, eventually ten and finally again nearly two when I went to bed. Yes, I sat in my chair for about fourteen hours and played spider. One of those days.

I was supposed to be working, so I naturally couldn't do anything fun. I think I knew already when I started that the day would be wasted, but I couldn't bring myself to touch the presentation. This is the main reason why I do not spend two months writing papers these days. They paralyze me and then I get absolutely nothing done anymore. I have to wait till the last moment - when I have no longer any choice and then I am able to write out of sheer necessity. I wouldn't have gotten the presentation ready today either if it was just for Copenhagen, but I will use the same text tomorrow. Considering that this was suitably last moment.

It wasn't actually that bad when I got to writing, but presentations and I have not the best relationship. I can still remember one of the first ones in school, must be more than twenty years ago. It is the only time that I have totally blanked out. I started reading the paper - about a pirate - and the next thing I realise is that I'm already on page three and I have absolutely no memory of reading the beginning. It was a very weird feeling. Apparently no-one noticed anything - at least they didn't comment it in any way and the next year one of the boys said that my presentation had been the best of all - because it was about swashbuckling pirates and not about cats and dogs like all the other ones. I remember that too - and that he looked a little disappointed, when the next year's presentation was about something much more mundane.

I always hated being in front of the class - or on stage. It's not that bad anymore, but presentations still stress me. Maybe that boy should never have said that my presentation was the best - too much pressure. His name was Jani and he still owes me two marks, bloody boy. Yeah, he was nice, but just not as nice as that beautiful rebel of our class. Of all the real people in my real life (not counting gorgeous German singers) he is still my major crush. Considering that I was twelve that's a little sad.

How did I get to sixth grade? Oh yes, presentations. Hate-toleration relationship, that's what I have with them. I so wanted to bury everything that has anything to do with research under a very big rock in the bottom of a deep ocean yesterday. Sometimes I feel that my relationship towards research is very manic-depressive. It makes me elated or totally hopeless. Although the elated part usually occurs when I consider the possibilities, not the actualities. It's a total "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" -phenomenon.

Other than the presentation I got nothing done this weekend, so I think I have to sacrifice one day next week for writing letters and other assorted things. I have started to avoid e-mail and some forums already, because I don't want to remember everything I should do. Yep, I think I'll go play some spider now.

Currently listening to: Rammstein - Te Quiero Puta!

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