joulukuuta 08, 2007

I am dreaming of my garden again

I've missed a couple of days, haven't I? It wasn't the intention, but life has suddenly intervened.

I came downstairs on Thursday and started the web surfing by ordering train tickets to go to Heidelberg. One more trip at least is in order before the German Experience is over. So Heidelberg it is, next Saturday.

I was planning to do the blogger next, when Vera suggested a movie. Or rather we had decided that we would go see one before I started with the Deutsche Bahn, but we just hadn't decided on when. Then thirteen minutes to six she suggests that we go see the one that starts at six o'clock - in a downtown movie theatre, nearly fifteen minutes on a subway to get there, not to mention the time it takes to get ready, get to the station, to the movie theatre, buy the tickets and everything else. The suprising thing is that we made it, had time to buy popcorn and even saw two trailers before the movie started.

The even more suprising thing to me was that some people can move so fast. To make decisions in a split second and then just act on them without pondering for ages whether one can do something or not. To just go without worrying about time or anything else. It must be a wonderful quality. If I only think about all the things it must be possible to do within one evening or one day, if one is capable of taking control of time like that. And making decisions like that. It's truly enviable.

So we saw the movie and then sat in a cafe near the Dom for couple of hours. That is a great thing about going out with someone else. The day doesn't have to end at four o'clock when it gets dark, but you can still be sitting in a cafe at ten in the evening like a normal person. Winter would probably not be such a drag if it would be possible to see the darkness as equally utilizable as the day light hours.

Yesterday I woke up with a headache that was not good for concentration. I tried reading this book, but kept nodding off every two pages. It was admittedly a quite boring book too, but the headache didn't help. At around three I fell asleep properly and woke up feeling much better. I had switched to reading fiction and was slowly planning to get to the blog, when Vera called and asked if I wanted to watch one of her DVD's. So instead of writing the blog, I watched "Wer früher stirbt ist länger tod" and had tea with honey. That was nice.

The book I was reading yesterday - the fictional one - was called Glenkill by this German author called Leonie Swann. Excellent book and I will thoroughly recommend it. One of the angles of the book is to look at people from the sheep perspective. The book and these two evenings have made me think about humans and whether we really are herd animals. More than one person has said to me during the past six months that they do not know how to be alone; that they need people around. And so this morning I started wondering about what it would be like: if there was someone always there you could talk to, to go out for a walk with, to sit opposite you in a table having breakfast and dinner, watch movies with... It is hard to really imagine what it would be like. I think there would be lot's of positive sides to sharing the life with someone, but on the other hand it doesn't always seem to bring happiness to people. Those who have what I don't, lack something else and are liable to different kinds of pain and unhappiness. That is what I've learned also during the past year or so. Everyone is in pain - even the ones who look like they have everything.

I think it is partly because life is too complicated. We are being torn to too many directions and are losing sight of what is important. All these ambitions and pressures to be something, to accomplish something. The soul yearns for simpler things. In our society there is just too much fear and too much need to put up protective walls. That Rousseau fellow really might have been onto something.

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