marraskuuta 16, 2005


I’m feeling a touch unimaginative right now. What should I write about? Should I write about anything, if I don’t really have anything to say? This, you see, hasn’t really been what you would call the most eventful of days. Stayed home to work, but honestly said I have had more productive days than this.

I drew mindmaps and decided to incorporate the appeal-part into the other two chapters. Now I’m starting have doubts again, though. But the thing is that it is either doing it really properly or being done in an approximately decent time. If I do it properly it will take far more than a year. Damn, I am such a slow thinker. I should have been at this point already two-three years ago. But I wasn’t and now the dissertation isn’t going to end up being anywhere near as good as it could have been. But I think I’ll forgive myself.

I did get something written today as well, but only fiction. I always talk about writing, but I don’t write nearly as much as I should. I was planning to start writing a real proper story with characters and a plot. I did actually manage to create the characters and write short character-descriptions, but what happens when I start writing the story? It’s the same pseudo-intellectual crap that I always write. “There are people, who are, and people, who wish to be.” Now is that anyway to start a story.

Let me give you a better example of some of the old stuff. Translation to English, since sometimes I do actually write in Finnish too: “Does thought matter? Thinking? We contemplate matters and connect consequences to reasons, but can we say why we do it. If we get no joy out of it, is there any reason to torture one’s brain cells. They claim that the human race has to go forward – to progress – but I wish to shake them and scream “why?” Progress does not make us happy and what use is there of knowledge and material possessions, if our minds have withered.”

Okay, it’s not all like that and maybe – if I can control myself – I can really turn it into a story. Something that sounds like a novel. With a plot. Or maybe I could combine the two. Hey, the beginnings of a new idea for a story. Can you tell that if I won the lottery, this is what I’d be doing.

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