joulukuuta 10, 2007


The evening with DVD (Jenseits der Stille) and pizza turned out to be a longer affair than I had thought, so I wasn't in bed until after 1 o'clock. Vera is very extroverted and likes to talk, so there was no trouble keeping the discussion going on.

The evening got me thinking about friendships. The requirements, the limits and the reciprocal nature of it. Of the capability of saying no. In this case we have Vera, who needs company and would therefore like to hang out every single day. Then there is me, who needs company far less and would go crazy if she would have to hang out with someone every single day. The dilemma is how can you say "Thanks, but today I would like to spend the evening with just my book and my computer" to someone who thinks that being alone is a horror. Because they probably aren't capable of truly understanding the pleasure of being alone, they more likely than not think that you don't want to hang out with them - in other words get hurt. On the other hand I am not able to say "Sure, let's do something today too" day after day, because sooner or later - and usually sooner - I'll start to resent them and feel like I am being taken advantage of. Or I start to feel selfish if I want to do something alone. Or will start to feel that they are too clingy and as a consequence I feel like I am dominating the relationship, because their need is greater than mine, which is also very unpleasant. None of those feelings promises anything good.

Yep, yep, yep. That is one of those big issues, which needs solving. How does one maintain friendships, what to do career wise in the future, where to live, to have a child or not...

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