Dreams

I did it. I hope this won't jinx it - knock, knock and a double knock - but I still got to tell. I did it; I made the call and booked myself an appointment. "Operation Baby" is underway.

In case you think I'm being impulsive and did it because of yesterday, think again. I decided already nearly two years ago that after the German Experience it would be time. I've considered and re-considered and now the first step has been taken. The first step out of many. The woman in the phone said that I'm not the only one wanting to have a baby and I should prepare to wait a year before the treatments can even begin. But we will see - the appointment is in a month's time and then I will know more.

But it is still so exciting. I would so love to be pregnant. It will probably hurt though; I had a pap test taken a couple of years ago as I turned thirty and it hurt like hell. Literally as if someone was tearing you apart from the inside out. Today that is an experience I can use someday for literary purposes, but then I was ready to swear I would never do it again - no matter whether I would die of cervical cancer the very next day. And I have a fairly high pain pressure point. I've never minded dentists for example; I've had a dozen teeth drilled and I'm still fairly fond of dentists.

But no pain, no gain. A few years ago I had lost all hope of ever having a child, but then my sister asked if I was planning to ever have one. Suddenly it became a possibility and hope was there again. With the help of kind doctors of course, since me and men is a very long story - or a short one. Well, non-existent in fact. Men have never really been interested in me and I in turn have high demands and major issues with trust. Luckily for me the legislation didn't get botched up and my stinginess means that the bank account is generous when there is real need. And so, Operation Baby is underway. Fingers crossed.