The PBL-course started yesterday and it went surprisingly well. The students didn’t really know all that much about legal history, but they managed to analyse the text much better than I had expected. But I got to tell you that they looked soooo young. That kind of made me realise that I’m not twenty anymore, but I rather liked the feeling.
Today I stayed home again to work. I managed to read a book and at long last write something too. All this teaching and going through the archive records has had the unfortunate consequence, that I haven’t had the time/energy to read and write that much. But now I intend to correct the matter.
I’m staying home tomorrow as well, but then I have to figure out where I’m at with my dissertation. I’m having a meeting with P on Thursday and I need to tell her what I’ve been doing and what I am planning to do. And I’m still uncertain of chapter three. I’ve always been uncertain of chapter three: the part about appeal. What is it exactly that I want of appeal? Do I need it as a separate chapter in the first place or would the whole book make more sense, if I tied the questions concerning the appeal to the other chapters? That’s what I will try to figure out tomorrow.
I haven’t been sitting on the couch the entire day, but did go to town too. Jaakko Hämeen-Anttila was talking about his research in the post-graduate seminar of legal history today – mostly about pagans in the 7th to 10th century Iraq. He’s a very fine speaker. Did you for instance know that Hammurab’s law wasn’t meant primarily as a code to be applied in practise, but was instead a letter of the king to the gods? Just one piece of interesting information learned today.
I also received a letter from S today. It’s strange how she can know me so well, even though we’ve never met. She pointed out something about me that I realise is very true; I just don’t know for sure what it means. I am hoping that this will again be a case of “recognising and admitting one’s weirdnesses is the first step to overcoming them”. Not that one needs to overcome all of one’s weirdnesses; some of them are pleasurable, but this one is not. But S, if you should be reading this, thank you for being my personal therapist. You’ve made me realise that it is not necessary to be perfect to be liked and accepted, that it is okay to make mistakes and to be “strange” and that it is very important to learn to trust people. I would never be writing this journal without you.
And I guess I ought to thank L and H, too. And ultimately of course Rammstein and Till. And a weird horoscope I read at my sister’s birthday party in February, which told me that if I would have the courage to make a big decision in the next couple of weeks I would be thankful for it later. I’m too much of a rationalist to really have faith in horoscopes, but this one did cause me to make the other one of those big February decisions. The less important one, but still. I really am feeling quite happy about life right now.
And I sound like an idiot. No, I don’t sound like an idiot. My brains do tell me that I sound ever so slightly mushy and irrational though. But that’s okay. I’m embracing my weirdness today. I think I better go and post this before I’ll end up deleting every word.
marraskuuta 15, 2005
marraskuuta 13, 2005
Father's day
It's Father's day today.
What did I do on a Father's day?
I made a cake - a mango cheesecake. It's easy and fast to make - or at least it would be fast if one didn't check the web every other minute. But I managed to eventually get it done. Then I listened to some Rosenrot and did the dishes, checked the forum, cleaned up the house, checked the forum, cleared up the balcony, checked the forum, read the paper, checked the forum, finally managed to begin reading Fulbrook's "Historical Theory" and checked the forum.
By then it was 4.30 and E arrived with Viennetta and a Saint-paulia (also known as African Violet apparently; thank you again google for enlightening me). I like flowers. The others arrived half an hour later - with Viennetta and a bottle of red wine. Hi-ha, I have to remember to start taking something to people when going over. It's nice when people come bearing gifts (except the Greeks I suppose...). Now don't look at me like that. I know it's common courtesy to bring something with you, but we haven't been in the habit of doing it every time. We...wait a moment, I'm going to go and light the candles on the window sill...ok, now that's done. Hm, I think I have to turn off some of the lights or that was absolutely pointless. Nice. Candles are a very nice thing about autumn. What was I saying? Oh, who cares.
We had a very nice dinner. The cat was hiding in the closet on top of the linen the entire time, since Maija was running around the house. People must think that the cat is invisible since she always disappears as soon as someone comes around. And yet she does like company. To a certain degree she does follow me around and every night she settles to sleep either on top of my back or nestled close to my feet. She's playing with a ball of yarn now like a cat that she is.
This was a good day. I'm tired again, but that's good too. I will still listen to these few songs, check the forum one more time and then go to bed and read a little. Or maybe finish my japanese puzzle. Yup, that's a plan.
Happy Father's Day!
What did I do on a Father's day?
I made a cake - a mango cheesecake. It's easy and fast to make - or at least it would be fast if one didn't check the web every other minute. But I managed to eventually get it done. Then I listened to some Rosenrot and did the dishes, checked the forum, cleaned up the house, checked the forum, cleared up the balcony, checked the forum, read the paper, checked the forum, finally managed to begin reading Fulbrook's "Historical Theory" and checked the forum.
By then it was 4.30 and E arrived with Viennetta and a Saint-paulia (also known as African Violet apparently; thank you again google for enlightening me). I like flowers. The others arrived half an hour later - with Viennetta and a bottle of red wine. Hi-ha, I have to remember to start taking something to people when going over. It's nice when people come bearing gifts (except the Greeks I suppose...). Now don't look at me like that. I know it's common courtesy to bring something with you, but we haven't been in the habit of doing it every time. We...wait a moment, I'm going to go and light the candles on the window sill...ok, now that's done. Hm, I think I have to turn off some of the lights or that was absolutely pointless. Nice. Candles are a very nice thing about autumn. What was I saying? Oh, who cares.
We had a very nice dinner. The cat was hiding in the closet on top of the linen the entire time, since Maija was running around the house. People must think that the cat is invisible since she always disappears as soon as someone comes around. And yet she does like company. To a certain degree she does follow me around and every night she settles to sleep either on top of my back or nestled close to my feet. She's playing with a ball of yarn now like a cat that she is.
This was a good day. I'm tired again, but that's good too. I will still listen to these few songs, check the forum one more time and then go to bed and read a little. Or maybe finish my japanese puzzle. Yup, that's a plan.
Happy Father's Day!
marraskuuta 12, 2005
The Day of Legal Culture
It has been a long day. The Finnish Lawyers' Association had their annual "Day of Legal Culture" today. It started at 13.00 and I ended up being home at midnight. "What?" you ask, "Now that must have been some marathon of presentations." It wasn't. The official program was over at about five, after which there was still a cocktail happening.
The theme of the day was Legal Science and the expectations of the Legal Community. Five presentations, some of them by very good speakers, then a panel, giving out the awards and scholarships, speeches by the two awardees and then a meeting of the Association. All in all it was a much better success than I had originally thought; it also turned out to be definitely worth it to stay for the cocktails. I met some people I hadn't seen in ages, which was very much fun. I met some new people, which was even more fun.
One of the new people and other of the evenings awardees asked me to come have dinner with him, his daughter J and AS. He called me "madame" ;-) I hadn't realised J was his daughter, even though they of course have the same last name. She remembered me, which surprised me a little. It surprised - and delighted - me even more that AS had heard of me. "Only good things," she said. Feeling quite, quite happy about meeting her. She was very easy to talk to, as was J.
I did end up going to dinner with them, to Kosmos, where I had actually never been before. I'm very glad that I did, since it turned out to be a very good night. I don't know if I dare to call it one of the best I've had. We talked of law and history and justice and a dozen other things and I really felt like I was part of the discussion. Well, also listened to J and her father carry on some excellent debate, but still... That is what an evening should be like. AS told me I ought to come to the dinner after the OYY-seminar in two weeks too. The dead-line for registering was already earlier this week, but she thought it should be no problem. I think I will write to their secretary on Monday and see if it would be possible to go.
Yep, but now I'm home and getting quite tired. It's 1.20 and I've been writing this now for forty minutes. Argh. The rose K gave me is in water. He got one of the smaller scholarships and didn't want the rose, so your's truly took it home. It's big, red and beautiful and no worse for wear even if it stood through whole dinner. The cat is restless, the moon is lopsided and looks as if it's about to fall through the clouds, I'm feeling tired and happy and in need of doing some thinking because of tonight. I think I'm figuring out one or two things more of what I really want. That's good.
Yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnn.
Alright, no more thinking before morning. Good night!
The theme of the day was Legal Science and the expectations of the Legal Community. Five presentations, some of them by very good speakers, then a panel, giving out the awards and scholarships, speeches by the two awardees and then a meeting of the Association. All in all it was a much better success than I had originally thought; it also turned out to be definitely worth it to stay for the cocktails. I met some people I hadn't seen in ages, which was very much fun. I met some new people, which was even more fun.
One of the new people and other of the evenings awardees asked me to come have dinner with him, his daughter J and AS. He called me "madame" ;-) I hadn't realised J was his daughter, even though they of course have the same last name. She remembered me, which surprised me a little. It surprised - and delighted - me even more that AS had heard of me. "Only good things," she said. Feeling quite, quite happy about meeting her. She was very easy to talk to, as was J.
I did end up going to dinner with them, to Kosmos, where I had actually never been before. I'm very glad that I did, since it turned out to be a very good night. I don't know if I dare to call it one of the best I've had. We talked of law and history and justice and a dozen other things and I really felt like I was part of the discussion. Well, also listened to J and her father carry on some excellent debate, but still... That is what an evening should be like. AS told me I ought to come to the dinner after the OYY-seminar in two weeks too. The dead-line for registering was already earlier this week, but she thought it should be no problem. I think I will write to their secretary on Monday and see if it would be possible to go.
Yep, but now I'm home and getting quite tired. It's 1.20 and I've been writing this now for forty minutes. Argh. The rose K gave me is in water. He got one of the smaller scholarships and didn't want the rose, so your's truly took it home. It's big, red and beautiful and no worse for wear even if it stood through whole dinner. The cat is restless, the moon is lopsided and looks as if it's about to fall through the clouds, I'm feeling tired and happy and in need of doing some thinking because of tonight. I think I'm figuring out one or two things more of what I really want. That's good.
Yaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwnnnnnnn.
Alright, no more thinking before morning. Good night!
marraskuuta 10, 2005
a, b, c, d, sing with me...
It's 10.30. How can it be 10.30? It was six o'clock only a minute ago. And why on earth am I still working? I stayed home today to finish the first case for next week's PBL-course (that's Problem Based Learning for those who wish to learn yet another abbreviation). Hah, this is the fourth course I'm teaching this fall. No matter, I like teaching - especially courses like this. Yup, but I read the book, which took nearly seven hours and now - admittedly amidst some heavy net-surfing - I have tried to write the case. I'm only half-done and I can't write another word anymore. Have to finish it Saturday, because tomorrow is another busy day.
From now on I think I am going to start working at home at least two days a week. I get so much more done this way.
Brains have short-circuited again. Cannot think anymore. Yeah, I better just clickety-click the "publish" button.
From now on I think I am going to start working at home at least two days a week. I get so much more done this way.
Brains have short-circuited again. Cannot think anymore. Yeah, I better just clickety-click the "publish" button.
marraskuuta 09, 2005
Ordinary great day
Isn't it strange how by contemplation and recording things we create meanings and emotions? And by that I actually mean that "I love my blog!" ;-) Today has been basically an ordinary day, which without my blog would have got lost in the midst of all the other ordinary days. But by writing down all the good little things that happened today I realise that my ordinary day was actually a bloody good day.
I woke up without the alarm clock going off. Not because I got up so early, but because now for three days I haven't been setting my alarm clock. Yes, I am actually trying this. Hasn't made a huge difference yet, since I have gotten up every morning just a bit after seven. After I have woken up during the night to check the clock at two and five and six and... Nasty conscience. Last night I woke up only once, which is pretty much normal anyway.
I read the paper, caught the train to town, but didn't go all the way to the centre. I hopped off already at Pasila and walked to work from there. About 45 minutes walk and quite a bit of it is through the park along the Töölönlahti bay. The swans are still here! And look at that: someone had given the stonesnake horns! Or are they antennae? If I ever write a fantasy-book and it has a stonesnake who desperately wants the biggest horns in the universe, you know where that idea came from.
Work was work, but I had lunch with H. That was fun. And then I checked my blog and got the best compliment of my life. Yay and a double-yay. That made me happy. A happy little bunny. One never knows how other people see you.
We also had the meeting of our legal historical Matthias Calonius -society. I was the secretary of the society for two years, but now luckily only in the board. We gave out our third Legal Historian of the Year -award and got to hear a presentation about legal history and legal language. Does adopting a certain kind of legal language, legal terminology, mean adopting a certain type of legal thinking as well? Quite interesting.
After the meeting we went to have a drink in our usual place. Little Mikael was there for awhile and I contemplated again whether it would be fun to have a baby of one's own. Mikael was adorable anyway. I don't think I'll start with babies anymore tonight, since that is a one loooooong topic.
Ok, I think I'll watch the movie now. Or try to find out if the stonesnake wants to talk to me.
I woke up without the alarm clock going off. Not because I got up so early, but because now for three days I haven't been setting my alarm clock. Yes, I am actually trying this. Hasn't made a huge difference yet, since I have gotten up every morning just a bit after seven. After I have woken up during the night to check the clock at two and five and six and... Nasty conscience. Last night I woke up only once, which is pretty much normal anyway.
I read the paper, caught the train to town, but didn't go all the way to the centre. I hopped off already at Pasila and walked to work from there. About 45 minutes walk and quite a bit of it is through the park along the Töölönlahti bay. The swans are still here! And look at that: someone had given the stonesnake horns! Or are they antennae? If I ever write a fantasy-book and it has a stonesnake who desperately wants the biggest horns in the universe, you know where that idea came from.
Work was work, but I had lunch with H. That was fun. And then I checked my blog and got the best compliment of my life. Yay and a double-yay. That made me happy. A happy little bunny. One never knows how other people see you.
We also had the meeting of our legal historical Matthias Calonius -society. I was the secretary of the society for two years, but now luckily only in the board. We gave out our third Legal Historian of the Year -award and got to hear a presentation about legal history and legal language. Does adopting a certain kind of legal language, legal terminology, mean adopting a certain type of legal thinking as well? Quite interesting.
After the meeting we went to have a drink in our usual place. Little Mikael was there for awhile and I contemplated again whether it would be fun to have a baby of one's own. Mikael was adorable anyway. I don't think I'll start with babies anymore tonight, since that is a one loooooong topic.
Ok, I think I'll watch the movie now. Or try to find out if the stonesnake wants to talk to me.
marraskuuta 08, 2005
Languages
Have you ever thought about how using a particular language affects the way you think and express yourself? English for me is a "light" language, sometimes even a touch superficial. Like the word "love": when in English one uses the word love, it doesn't necessarily mean that you would actually love something or someone. It means excitement, liking something a lot, but not necessarily, not even most of the times "rakastaa". When you use the word "I love" in Finnish - minä rakastan - you really do mean love. And perhaps that is why love is so much scarcer here.
The same goes for many other emotions. Vihata is stronger than hate; Finnish curses have power in them that the English ones can never reach.
But English is also a witty language; it laughs, teases, floats and dances like a insubstantial fairy in the air. It flows unlike Finnish. Finnish has hard edges, angles, long blunt words which topple on top of each other without mercy. Swedish is playful - in Swedish you can hear the sound of the sea, soft gentle sea, light laughter on a summer day and the sound of little children - babes with golden locks - playing on a meadow full of poppies and forget-me-nots. And the giggling of little mischievous trolls. In German I can sometimes hear the passage of time - the echo of some of the words takes me back two thousand years and I can smell the earth and something, almost magical in the air. It's a strong feeling, emotional.
I wish I knew languages better. To be able to speak German and Swedish properly. To know other languages well enough to feel them.
Well, maybe someday.
The same goes for many other emotions. Vihata is stronger than hate; Finnish curses have power in them that the English ones can never reach.
But English is also a witty language; it laughs, teases, floats and dances like a insubstantial fairy in the air. It flows unlike Finnish. Finnish has hard edges, angles, long blunt words which topple on top of each other without mercy. Swedish is playful - in Swedish you can hear the sound of the sea, soft gentle sea, light laughter on a summer day and the sound of little children - babes with golden locks - playing on a meadow full of poppies and forget-me-nots. And the giggling of little mischievous trolls. In German I can sometimes hear the passage of time - the echo of some of the words takes me back two thousand years and I can smell the earth and something, almost magical in the air. It's a strong feeling, emotional.
I wish I knew languages better. To be able to speak German and Swedish properly. To know other languages well enough to feel them.
Well, maybe someday.
marraskuuta 07, 2005
Looking horrid
Oh frigging f**k, M sent some of her pictures from Brussels and I had to, absolutely had to gasp in the most girly manner and utter the words “OMG, I look hideous!”. Seriously, it was like looking at a big lump of overgrown white dough. So much for looking pretty for that trip. I can look good at times. ::points to the pic on the right:: I like that pic, I do look good in it – in my personal humble opinion – I mean why do you think I chose to put it up in the first place. Taken in September btw and not in some distant long lost past. But the Brussels pictures – OMT and all the other deities!
I think it is time to lose a couple of kilos again – and damn, here I was thinking of baking today. And perhaps dip into the purse and head to the hairdressers. I guess one could do that once a year. No, I’m not kidding. Please don’t scream, I have long hair, it’s quite possible to make it look decent even without cutting it all the time. Once a year is plenty; once in five years could be said to be questionable. Whaaaat, really, there is nothing wrong with looking like a barefooted nature girl. But looking like an overfed vampire in a bun that aunt-Prudence could have worn in 1880 is not the most attractive of things.
Do I sound just a touch shallow? Yes, I do. I know. But looking decent is a self-esteem question. It really is, as horrid as it sounds. Have I told you of my childhood? When I was little I had warts – yes, I guess you could call them warts, or moles? – on my hands and a one teeny tiny one on my nose. The ones on my hands disappeared eventually by themselves, but the tiny one on my nose was removed in a hospital. I was then either on first or second grade, I don’t remember exactly. But I do remember that after the removal of the wart the girls in my class would play with me; that one of them said afterwards that she didn’t want to be my friend before – because of the tiny wart. So you can tell me it doesn’t matter how a person looks, but I learned it a long time ago: no-one wants to play with you if you look horrid.
I think it is time to lose a couple of kilos again – and damn, here I was thinking of baking today. And perhaps dip into the purse and head to the hairdressers. I guess one could do that once a year. No, I’m not kidding. Please don’t scream, I have long hair, it’s quite possible to make it look decent even without cutting it all the time. Once a year is plenty; once in five years could be said to be questionable. Whaaaat, really, there is nothing wrong with looking like a barefooted nature girl. But looking like an overfed vampire in a bun that aunt-Prudence could have worn in 1880 is not the most attractive of things.
Do I sound just a touch shallow? Yes, I do. I know. But looking decent is a self-esteem question. It really is, as horrid as it sounds. Have I told you of my childhood? When I was little I had warts – yes, I guess you could call them warts, or moles? – on my hands and a one teeny tiny one on my nose. The ones on my hands disappeared eventually by themselves, but the tiny one on my nose was removed in a hospital. I was then either on first or second grade, I don’t remember exactly. But I do remember that after the removal of the wart the girls in my class would play with me; that one of them said afterwards that she didn’t want to be my friend before – because of the tiny wart. So you can tell me it doesn’t matter how a person looks, but I learned it a long time ago: no-one wants to play with you if you look horrid.
marraskuuta 06, 2005
she cleans, she reads
I really was tired yesterday, since this morning the alarm clock greeted me with the numbers 11.11 on its face. I can't remember the last time when I've slept past 11. But that's the reason why I haven't yet forgotten my alarm clock and gone to living according to my "natural rhythm". It's very relaxing to sleep as long as one likes, but nine and a half hours instead of seven per night means two and a half hours "wasted" every day. I don't know if I am quite willing to do that.
So what did I do today except sleep? I spent about three hours cleaning up the house and still didn't make it to vacuuming or doing the dishes. A mess? My house? But never! I do like it clean and tidy, but during the week I just don't have the energy to clean up and stuff keeps...piling up. Now I like the look of the place so much that I think I'll stay home to read tomorrow. I really, really can't read at work and I have to start reading.
I read today, but only fiction despite my best intentions. I finally finished In America, which really is a wonderful story of desires, restlessness, finding your place in the world and the sacrifices you are prepared to make for it. And the way she uses different literary styles - I like it.
After finishing In America I started with another book - The Chronicles of Narnia. Fantasy for children ;-). I got introduced to Fantasy and Scifi ten years ago and I must admit it was love at first sight. Not the most intellectual thing to read, I know, but you can't choose what you love. And since the other part of my chosen readings doesn't consist of Donald Duck and Cosmopolitan I think that I am still on the clear. Not that there is anything wrong with Donald Duck. Or Cosmopolitan. But still it is a good thing if a person has read a real book or two in her life. Books give you so much and life without them would be sad indeed.
So what did I do today except sleep? I spent about three hours cleaning up the house and still didn't make it to vacuuming or doing the dishes. A mess? My house? But never! I do like it clean and tidy, but during the week I just don't have the energy to clean up and stuff keeps...piling up. Now I like the look of the place so much that I think I'll stay home to read tomorrow. I really, really can't read at work and I have to start reading.
I read today, but only fiction despite my best intentions. I finally finished In America, which really is a wonderful story of desires, restlessness, finding your place in the world and the sacrifices you are prepared to make for it. And the way she uses different literary styles - I like it.
After finishing In America I started with another book - The Chronicles of Narnia. Fantasy for children ;-). I got introduced to Fantasy and Scifi ten years ago and I must admit it was love at first sight. Not the most intellectual thing to read, I know, but you can't choose what you love. And since the other part of my chosen readings doesn't consist of Donald Duck and Cosmopolitan I think that I am still on the clear. Not that there is anything wrong with Donald Duck. Or Cosmopolitan. But still it is a good thing if a person has read a real book or two in her life. Books give you so much and life without them would be sad indeed.
Once upon a time...
I am tired. It’s only a little after ten o’clock and I can hardly stay awake. And it’s not like I didn’t already nap once today. I don’t know why I feel so tired.
I went to town today to see a movie. Brothers Grimm – a fairly amusing fairytale, even if it was rather fond of its stereotypes. I like movie theatres – you can get lost in the movies in a completely different way than at home. I am not too keen on the crowds in the theatres though, which is why I tend to prefer the day showings. There are far less people and once I’ve even had the whole movie theatre to myself. In the evenings and weekends when there are designated seats I find a place on the side with enough room to stretch and breathe.
I was originally planning to get cultural and visit the adjoining museum at the same time. But the exhibition was about Japanese Manga art and I did not feel like Manga today. So I came home to prepare dinner and finish Sontag’s book; I have only the last pages left to read.
Very tired.
Well, couldn’t post this right away, since Blogger.com is/was doing maintenance. Luckily I got mystically more alert when Top-40 started and they said the magic words “An interview with Rammstein”. Only a very short one with Paul and him full of normal Paulisms again: “We went to the States to get fat for the Keine Lust –video and then to Thailand to lose the weight again (not a direct quote).” I wonder if that was meant as a critical social comment or was just a joke.
Rosenrot went to number one on the album list - yay, but I would have been disappointed if it hadn't - so they showed Benzin. Naturally since it's the only video from the album this far, but a shame because Benzin really is the worst song on the entire album. The presenter was a blathering idiot and did your usual German Sauerkraut-barks. Maybe it is good that my computer claims that the DVD on which I recorded the interview is empty (it’s not, checked and tried) and I therefore can’t share the file. I wouldn’t want the others to think that Finns are brainless bimbos.
I went to town today to see a movie. Brothers Grimm – a fairly amusing fairytale, even if it was rather fond of its stereotypes. I like movie theatres – you can get lost in the movies in a completely different way than at home. I am not too keen on the crowds in the theatres though, which is why I tend to prefer the day showings. There are far less people and once I’ve even had the whole movie theatre to myself. In the evenings and weekends when there are designated seats I find a place on the side with enough room to stretch and breathe.
I was originally planning to get cultural and visit the adjoining museum at the same time. But the exhibition was about Japanese Manga art and I did not feel like Manga today. So I came home to prepare dinner and finish Sontag’s book; I have only the last pages left to read.
Very tired.
Well, couldn’t post this right away, since Blogger.com is/was doing maintenance. Luckily I got mystically more alert when Top-40 started and they said the magic words “An interview with Rammstein”. Only a very short one with Paul and him full of normal Paulisms again: “We went to the States to get fat for the Keine Lust –video and then to Thailand to lose the weight again (not a direct quote).” I wonder if that was meant as a critical social comment or was just a joke.
Rosenrot went to number one on the album list - yay, but I would have been disappointed if it hadn't - so they showed Benzin. Naturally since it's the only video from the album this far, but a shame because Benzin really is the worst song on the entire album. The presenter was a blathering idiot and did your usual German Sauerkraut-barks. Maybe it is good that my computer claims that the DVD on which I recorded the interview is empty (it’s not, checked and tried) and I therefore can’t share the file. I wouldn’t want the others to think that Finns are brainless bimbos.
marraskuuta 03, 2005
Dogs, rocks, Feeney's and partners in crime
I shouldn't leave writing to such a late hour of time. Reflection becomes description and wittiness has left town to introduce it's Dalmatian to the Himalayan mountain goats.
This has not been the most productive of days. I went this morning to the ministry to help my successor to get started. "But wait", you say, "Didn't you come back to the University already two months ago?! Have you lazybutt waited this long before going there to help the poor guy out?" "But no," I cry. "I haven't." The guy started just two days ago - or possibly three, I'm not quite certain - so they were without a junior lawyer for two months. The senior lawyer has not been appointed yet either, so in reality there were no lawyers. Is that heaven or hell? :P Sorry, lawyer jokes...
It's difficult to know what to pass on, but I hope I were of some help. I remember how frustrating it was, when I started in March. It took quite awhile before I even realised what was expected of me. My predecessor had briefed me shortly when I went there for the job-interview, but it didn't really sink in then. Eventually though... The officeroom felt so familiar that I'm afraid I kind of took possession of it as if it was still mine and not yet his. And we got interrupted so many times - because people kept dropping in to say hi to me. They seemed so genuinely pleased to see me that I left beaming. I'm very happy that I returned to the university, but there are some very nice people at the ministry too - like my fellow partners in crime, the "drafters of the infamous Master's Degree Programme Statute".
I spent few meagre moments at the Uni before I left to walk my sister's dog. They had a long day - or at least were supposed to - so I took Maija out to the little dog park by the sea. That dog likes her rocks. She found one, which was apparently guite tasty because she had to keep licking it for quite awhile. She didn't take it home this time though, but I can tell you that her collection is starting to be already rather impressive.
My sister came home earlier than expected and so I stayed for almost three hours - to go through a decent amount of chocolate and check for summer cottages in Estonia among other things. Now I'm home, enjoying a nice dash of Feeney's - that's a cheaper, although just as fine version of Bailey's for those of you not in the know -and I'm starting to think that this was quite a fine day.
*****************************************
Favourite quote of the day: "Turn your bedsheets around so that the slot with the buttons points upwards, so that you don't get stuck while you sleep."
Flake Lorenz, the keyboarder of Rammstein, explaining the hidden message in their album covers.
This has not been the most productive of days. I went this morning to the ministry to help my successor to get started. "But wait", you say, "Didn't you come back to the University already two months ago?! Have you lazybutt waited this long before going there to help the poor guy out?" "But no," I cry. "I haven't." The guy started just two days ago - or possibly three, I'm not quite certain - so they were without a junior lawyer for two months. The senior lawyer has not been appointed yet either, so in reality there were no lawyers. Is that heaven or hell? :P Sorry, lawyer jokes...
It's difficult to know what to pass on, but I hope I were of some help. I remember how frustrating it was, when I started in March. It took quite awhile before I even realised what was expected of me. My predecessor had briefed me shortly when I went there for the job-interview, but it didn't really sink in then. Eventually though... The officeroom felt so familiar that I'm afraid I kind of took possession of it as if it was still mine and not yet his. And we got interrupted so many times - because people kept dropping in to say hi to me. They seemed so genuinely pleased to see me that I left beaming. I'm very happy that I returned to the university, but there are some very nice people at the ministry too - like my fellow partners in crime, the "drafters of the infamous Master's Degree Programme Statute".
I spent few meagre moments at the Uni before I left to walk my sister's dog. They had a long day - or at least were supposed to - so I took Maija out to the little dog park by the sea. That dog likes her rocks. She found one, which was apparently guite tasty because she had to keep licking it for quite awhile. She didn't take it home this time though, but I can tell you that her collection is starting to be already rather impressive.
My sister came home earlier than expected and so I stayed for almost three hours - to go through a decent amount of chocolate and check for summer cottages in Estonia among other things. Now I'm home, enjoying a nice dash of Feeney's - that's a cheaper, although just as fine version of Bailey's for those of you not in the know -and I'm starting to think that this was quite a fine day.
*****************************************
Favourite quote of the day: "Turn your bedsheets around so that the slot with the buttons points upwards, so that you don't get stuck while you sleep."
Flake Lorenz, the keyboarder of Rammstein, explaining the hidden message in their album covers.
marraskuuta 02, 2005
Greetings
I took the car to my sister’s this morning, since she decided to go to Imatra. On my way to the tram stop from her apartment this completely ordinary looking old man turned to me in the lights and said something I couldn’t hear since the music was too loud. So I took my earphone off, said “Sorry?” and he says to me “Good morning”. What was that about? Did I miss something and people have started going around saying “good morning” to strangers in the traffic lights? Or did he think that he did know me?
Maybe I should do a sociological study and ask a select group of people if they are in the habit of greeting their fellow human beings in the traffic lights. Or should I ask them if they experience it as strange that someone would do that? Maybe they think that it is the most natural way to begin a morning. Or maybe it should be? Would it make the world a happier place, if we started saying “good morning” to a minimum of three strangers every morning?
I didn’t feel happier though, only puzzled. Being a polite young woman I said “good morning” back to the old man, but then I decided in an instant – or didn’t even consciously decide, just reacted really – and walked to the next traffic lights without stopping as I had intended to. I am not quite certain I want to know what that tells about me.
Ah, I don’t want to think about it.
Today. What happened today? We had the last session of the Enlightenment-course, not a real session anymore, but a one for feedback. I think the students liked the course all right; 9/10 is the grade they gave to it – anonymously au naturellement. It was certainly good enough a course to be worth doing again; personally it was also a good opportunity to remind oneself how important it is to know the subject matter one is teaching. It is much more rewarding this way. Not that I’m saying that I would ever have taught a course the subject matter of which I would not have known. No. Never. Ever. It’s just that knowing is such a relative matter.
This is again one of those days when I’ve felt the desire to know more, to learn more, to read more. S was presenting his licentiate thesis today, legal philosophy. I’ve had an interest in philosophy for who knows how long, but my knowledge of philosophy is not much better than that of an average coffee-table debater. I know just enough to think that sometimes I get hold of the rope and manage to pull myself a little above the water. I can feel the thoughts tickle the surface of my brains, expanding them. But they do not make real contact, not enough for my brains to start emitting thoughts back – not yet at least. I want to know more, but there are so many things I want to know more about. So many things I want to do.
I love it that I want again.
I hate it that I have wasted so much time.
Maybe I should do a sociological study and ask a select group of people if they are in the habit of greeting their fellow human beings in the traffic lights. Or should I ask them if they experience it as strange that someone would do that? Maybe they think that it is the most natural way to begin a morning. Or maybe it should be? Would it make the world a happier place, if we started saying “good morning” to a minimum of three strangers every morning?
I didn’t feel happier though, only puzzled. Being a polite young woman I said “good morning” back to the old man, but then I decided in an instant – or didn’t even consciously decide, just reacted really – and walked to the next traffic lights without stopping as I had intended to. I am not quite certain I want to know what that tells about me.
Ah, I don’t want to think about it.
Today. What happened today? We had the last session of the Enlightenment-course, not a real session anymore, but a one for feedback. I think the students liked the course all right; 9/10 is the grade they gave to it – anonymously au naturellement. It was certainly good enough a course to be worth doing again; personally it was also a good opportunity to remind oneself how important it is to know the subject matter one is teaching. It is much more rewarding this way. Not that I’m saying that I would ever have taught a course the subject matter of which I would not have known. No. Never. Ever. It’s just that knowing is such a relative matter.
This is again one of those days when I’ve felt the desire to know more, to learn more, to read more. S was presenting his licentiate thesis today, legal philosophy. I’ve had an interest in philosophy for who knows how long, but my knowledge of philosophy is not much better than that of an average coffee-table debater. I know just enough to think that sometimes I get hold of the rope and manage to pull myself a little above the water. I can feel the thoughts tickle the surface of my brains, expanding them. But they do not make real contact, not enough for my brains to start emitting thoughts back – not yet at least. I want to know more, but there are so many things I want to know more about. So many things I want to do.
I love it that I want again.
I hate it that I have wasted so much time.
marraskuuta 01, 2005
bored again
I’m booooreeeeeeeeeeeed.
I had a fine day earlier today, at work, but now I’m bored. That’s what happens when you get lost in the net for too long. And don’t eat enough. You get BORED.
I think I will swallow in my boredom now for a while. And watch some TV. I’m an old TV-addict, have I mentioned that? I’d say that makes me boring, but then again some very interesting people spend too much time watching TV. I’d say the R or T words again, but I think I’ll save your ears tonight. Except maybe to explain that if someone interesting enough does something boring and still doesn’t become a boring person, that means I can apply the same to myself and actually believe it. Psycho-babble.
That makes me question my own prejudices again – am I too judgmental? Do I make too great demands on people? I’d try to figure that out, but I can’t be bothered. Maybe tomorrow. Now I’m busy being bored.
I had a fine day earlier today, at work, but now I’m bored. That’s what happens when you get lost in the net for too long. And don’t eat enough. You get BORED.
I think I will swallow in my boredom now for a while. And watch some TV. I’m an old TV-addict, have I mentioned that? I’d say that makes me boring, but then again some very interesting people spend too much time watching TV. I’d say the R or T words again, but I think I’ll save your ears tonight. Except maybe to explain that if someone interesting enough does something boring and still doesn’t become a boring person, that means I can apply the same to myself and actually believe it. Psycho-babble.
That makes me question my own prejudices again – am I too judgmental? Do I make too great demands on people? I’d try to figure that out, but I can’t be bothered. Maybe tomorrow. Now I’m busy being bored.
lokakuuta 31, 2005
Politics and Religion
I was going to continue reading “In America”, but then I started to think about politics. This probably is again partially Rammstein-related. There are people who know absolutely nothing about them and then there are people who think they know something about them, and the latter usually seem to have the wrong, media-induced idea of them being a “bad”, even “right-wing” band. Which naturally, as anyone who really knows anything about Rammstein is aware, couldn’t be farther from the truth. It doesn’t even take reading hundred of articles – which yours truly confesses to have done – to figure that out.
Oh, and this by the by is Rammstein, so you know what I'm obsessing about.
And this is where you can hear snippets of their songs. If you don't like metal-leaning rock in German, don't bother. If you do, press "Rosenrot"-PLAYER.
http://rammstein.com/Extras/
Rammstein isn’t really a political band, even if they have a few songs that could be considered as “statements”: Links about their general left-wing leanings, Amerika about the dangers of globalisation and Zerstören of course can be seen as their clearest anti-Iraq-war comment. Amerika is also partly that, and for me also Benzin, even though it apparently wasn’t really meant as an anti-war statement. That obviously appeals to me, since I’ve always seen Monsieur Bush as a very frightening school-yard bully, a new-born Christian radical, with no way near enough brains to lead a country, a power-hungry hawk with no real conception of ordinary people’s lives and the suffering his actions can cause. So I did not need Rammstein to make me anti-Bush or anti-Iraq-war – I was that much, much earlier. I did need Rammstein to admit to myself my own left-wing leanings. Having a fairly bourgeois immediate background it took me awhile. Rammstein – and certain people I’ve met through sharing a Rammsteinian addiction – have also taught me to love myself a lot more than I did earlier. And loving myself has given me strength to make decisions I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
Mum, I’ve left the church.
In order to tell you why I think I’ll just post the ramblings I used to justify the decision to myself in May or June or whenever it was. As I said before, I think on paper. I was planning to write a book of Confessions then and this was to be the first chapter. Here you go...
These confessions you are about to hear, are not religious by nature. I do not wish to confess to God or his servants. I do not believe in God; and even if he (she/it?) should be out there somewhere, he (for purposes of convenience) would not wish to hear my confessions. He only listens to those who love and obey him. That is why I have decided to leave the church today; to hand in my resignation, to be rid of the bunch for once and for all; one man's (human, not male, you understand) silent protest. It feels excruciatingly phoney for me to be another name on the list of his followers when my heart is so full of mistrust. Mistrust and dislike for his church, which is a source for so much evil. And happiness too – I won't deny that many have found their salvation within the church. But the church – like its master – loves and accepts you only if you obey – conform – be a good girl and do exactly as they say. If you are different, they may tolerate you – graciously, righteously – but they will never accept you as you are. Toleration always proclaims deviant the thing that it tolerates.
And yet my heart is troubled by the decision. I hesitate to tick those boxes and click the send-button. The modern-day wonders. Separation from the church on-line. Will take you only two minutes and it is accomplished. Some would certainly call it a work of devil; I think I'd be happier to see it as a true means to practise one's freedom of thought.
And yet I am troubled. Why? Is it because on the back of my mind hover the hordes of frowning relatives. I doubt it, not anymore. I have decided that I must be me and not allow the expectations of other people to affect my life anymore. The days of being the puppet on the strings are over. She says confidently, hesitantly, with a stubborn grimace on her face and her back against the wall. No more...
I do not think it's the relatives. They will be disappointed, but they will understand. Is it that I fear the wrath of God then?
- But dear girl, didn't you just say you don't even believe in his existence?
- No, that's not precisely what I said; I said – or meant – that I find it highly irrational and unlikely that he would exist. I won't deny the possibility; I don't know everything after all.
- Oh really? ::cough, cough, you could have fooled me sometimes…::
- What?
- Nothing. So you think it's possible that he created Earth in seven days and plopped Adam on it and did some magic work with his ribs?
- Don't be ridiculous! Of course not. Earth developed and blaah-blaah... I'm not going to give you a lesson in the origin of species.
- But God was behind it and there is no life anywhere else in this universe?
- Oh, I don't know! I seriously doubt it.
- You doubt that God was behind the creation of Earth or that there is life somewhere else?
- That God was behind it. I mean, don't you think, that it would be highly unlikely that there wouldn't be life somewhere else too? It just doesn't sound rational. Not that I am saying it would necessarily be intelligent life; you are not going to make me a crazy space-enthusiast here!! Although I don't want to claim that it couldn't be intelligent life, too. It sounds a little smug to assume that we would be THE only intelligent life-form in the entire universe.
- A relativist rationalist with a problem tolerating the space-enthusiasts, huh?
- What?
- Nothing. So God didn't create Earth and chuck Adam and Eve to play happy couple on it. So what did he do? Smite the Egyptians and talk to the prophets?
- No, those are metaphors if anything.
- Flood the Earth and the, uh, Giants, and save Noah and his prolific family?
- Did you just hear what I said?
- Ok, so the New Testament then. Got Mary pregnant with a whisper in her mind? Virginal insemination, you'd like that, huh?
- Don't talk to me about virgin-births!!
- So, basically you are saying that even if there is a God, he isn't really responsible for anything?
- ....
- Well?
- I don't know. Maybe. But that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be influential. People have done so much in his name.
- Yes, people. So perhaps it isn't this abstract God you are afraid will smite you if you leave his congregation. It's the people who follow him.
- I don't know. Maybe.
- That seems to be your standard reply.
- Well, that because I DON’T KNOW! Can't you get that?
- Of course I get that. But religion isn't about knowing, it's about believing. You don't believe in God, not in your heart of hearts. You may have the last lingering remains of the atavistic fear of hellfire, but you don' really believe. And the church, his followers. Tell me this, even if there were a God, just for the sake of argument, do you think that belonging to the church would get you closer to him?
- No, no, definitely not. The church is an organisation of man, bureaucratic and power-hungry. It is there for its own sake, not for that of mankind – or God.
- We have issues there, don't we? Time for that later, maybe, but not now. So, if there were a God, still for the sake of argument, would he know your heart and your thoughts, even if you're not a member of one of his many churches?
- Well, yeah, if he were God, of course he would.
- So, what's the point in being part of the church, then? Not God, who possibly exists or more likely not, in your opinion. Making the relatives happy? Getting the church-wedding, which it seems like you are not ever going to get anyway?
- Shut up, you insensitive bastard!!
- I thought you didn't even want a church-wedding anymore?
- Well, I don't, but that's no reason to insinuate that I would never be able to find a spouse for myself.
- Hmm, issues there too, but I don’t think I want to get into those...
- Be quiet, I don't know what I want.
- I think we have established that. But the church, old girl! What's making your hesitant, if there is really no – let me just whisper it – rational reason for you to stay?
- There isn't, is there? It's just that it is a big decision and you know how I hate decisions. It's a real statement.
- You are a conservative coward, who'd rather cling to a burning tree than hop into a lake. It's a statement to belong to the church, too. It's not like we are living in the middle ages. You are not going to get burned as a witch, if you tear yourself from the skirts of the mother-church. You aren't even going to get chucked by your friends, since plenty – if not most – of them think exactly like you do. And even if they don't, it's the 21st century, girl! Religion belongs to the private sphere these days – unless you were unlucky enough to be born in the dominions of Allah, the Pope or the all-mighty Bush.
- Are you trying to talk me into leaving the church, then?
- I'm only asking if this is yet again one decision you are hesitant to make because of your unfounded fears. I don't want you to live your life controlled by fear.
Fear does control my life. A confession. An answer – of kinds anyway. I have filled the form now. It didn't take even two minutes. Your name, place of residence and social security-number. Now the decision is only that one click away. Why do I still hesitate, when I know that I want to do it? I need five more minutes to think about this. I think I'll just go to the bathroom and make my decision. Oh, the fundamental believers would crucify me for that. And why do I care, when they are so low on my list of people to tolerate? Five more minutes.
Now it is done. Clickety-click. I will be getting a letter in five to ten days that my notice has been registered. I feel so relieved that I wish to cry. I have gotten rid of one expectation more. If I ever wish to rejoin the church, it will be my decision now; not something that society and traditions expect from me.
************
And, dear Reader, I must say that these X months later I am still plenty happy with my decision.
Oh, and this by the by is Rammstein, so you know what I'm obsessing about.
And this is where you can hear snippets of their songs. If you don't like metal-leaning rock in German, don't bother. If you do, press "Rosenrot"-PLAYER.
http://rammstein.com/Extras/
Rammstein isn’t really a political band, even if they have a few songs that could be considered as “statements”: Links about their general left-wing leanings, Amerika about the dangers of globalisation and Zerstören of course can be seen as their clearest anti-Iraq-war comment. Amerika is also partly that, and for me also Benzin, even though it apparently wasn’t really meant as an anti-war statement. That obviously appeals to me, since I’ve always seen Monsieur Bush as a very frightening school-yard bully, a new-born Christian radical, with no way near enough brains to lead a country, a power-hungry hawk with no real conception of ordinary people’s lives and the suffering his actions can cause. So I did not need Rammstein to make me anti-Bush or anti-Iraq-war – I was that much, much earlier. I did need Rammstein to admit to myself my own left-wing leanings. Having a fairly bourgeois immediate background it took me awhile. Rammstein – and certain people I’ve met through sharing a Rammsteinian addiction – have also taught me to love myself a lot more than I did earlier. And loving myself has given me strength to make decisions I’ve wanted to do for a long time.
Mum, I’ve left the church.
In order to tell you why I think I’ll just post the ramblings I used to justify the decision to myself in May or June or whenever it was. As I said before, I think on paper. I was planning to write a book of Confessions then and this was to be the first chapter. Here you go...
These confessions you are about to hear, are not religious by nature. I do not wish to confess to God or his servants. I do not believe in God; and even if he (she/it?) should be out there somewhere, he (for purposes of convenience) would not wish to hear my confessions. He only listens to those who love and obey him. That is why I have decided to leave the church today; to hand in my resignation, to be rid of the bunch for once and for all; one man's (human, not male, you understand) silent protest. It feels excruciatingly phoney for me to be another name on the list of his followers when my heart is so full of mistrust. Mistrust and dislike for his church, which is a source for so much evil. And happiness too – I won't deny that many have found their salvation within the church. But the church – like its master – loves and accepts you only if you obey – conform – be a good girl and do exactly as they say. If you are different, they may tolerate you – graciously, righteously – but they will never accept you as you are. Toleration always proclaims deviant the thing that it tolerates.
And yet my heart is troubled by the decision. I hesitate to tick those boxes and click the send-button. The modern-day wonders. Separation from the church on-line. Will take you only two minutes and it is accomplished. Some would certainly call it a work of devil; I think I'd be happier to see it as a true means to practise one's freedom of thought.
And yet I am troubled. Why? Is it because on the back of my mind hover the hordes of frowning relatives. I doubt it, not anymore. I have decided that I must be me and not allow the expectations of other people to affect my life anymore. The days of being the puppet on the strings are over. She says confidently, hesitantly, with a stubborn grimace on her face and her back against the wall. No more...
I do not think it's the relatives. They will be disappointed, but they will understand. Is it that I fear the wrath of God then?
- But dear girl, didn't you just say you don't even believe in his existence?
- No, that's not precisely what I said; I said – or meant – that I find it highly irrational and unlikely that he would exist. I won't deny the possibility; I don't know everything after all.
- Oh really? ::cough, cough, you could have fooled me sometimes…::
- What?
- Nothing. So you think it's possible that he created Earth in seven days and plopped Adam on it and did some magic work with his ribs?
- Don't be ridiculous! Of course not. Earth developed and blaah-blaah... I'm not going to give you a lesson in the origin of species.
- But God was behind it and there is no life anywhere else in this universe?
- Oh, I don't know! I seriously doubt it.
- You doubt that God was behind the creation of Earth or that there is life somewhere else?
- That God was behind it. I mean, don't you think, that it would be highly unlikely that there wouldn't be life somewhere else too? It just doesn't sound rational. Not that I am saying it would necessarily be intelligent life; you are not going to make me a crazy space-enthusiast here!! Although I don't want to claim that it couldn't be intelligent life, too. It sounds a little smug to assume that we would be THE only intelligent life-form in the entire universe.
- A relativist rationalist with a problem tolerating the space-enthusiasts, huh?
- What?
- Nothing. So God didn't create Earth and chuck Adam and Eve to play happy couple on it. So what did he do? Smite the Egyptians and talk to the prophets?
- No, those are metaphors if anything.
- Flood the Earth and the, uh, Giants, and save Noah and his prolific family?
- Did you just hear what I said?
- Ok, so the New Testament then. Got Mary pregnant with a whisper in her mind? Virginal insemination, you'd like that, huh?
- Don't talk to me about virgin-births!!
- So, basically you are saying that even if there is a God, he isn't really responsible for anything?
- ....
- Well?
- I don't know. Maybe. But that doesn't mean that he wouldn't be influential. People have done so much in his name.
- Yes, people. So perhaps it isn't this abstract God you are afraid will smite you if you leave his congregation. It's the people who follow him.
- I don't know. Maybe.
- That seems to be your standard reply.
- Well, that because I DON’T KNOW! Can't you get that?
- Of course I get that. But religion isn't about knowing, it's about believing. You don't believe in God, not in your heart of hearts. You may have the last lingering remains of the atavistic fear of hellfire, but you don' really believe. And the church, his followers. Tell me this, even if there were a God, just for the sake of argument, do you think that belonging to the church would get you closer to him?
- No, no, definitely not. The church is an organisation of man, bureaucratic and power-hungry. It is there for its own sake, not for that of mankind – or God.
- We have issues there, don't we? Time for that later, maybe, but not now. So, if there were a God, still for the sake of argument, would he know your heart and your thoughts, even if you're not a member of one of his many churches?
- Well, yeah, if he were God, of course he would.
- So, what's the point in being part of the church, then? Not God, who possibly exists or more likely not, in your opinion. Making the relatives happy? Getting the church-wedding, which it seems like you are not ever going to get anyway?
- Shut up, you insensitive bastard!!
- I thought you didn't even want a church-wedding anymore?
- Well, I don't, but that's no reason to insinuate that I would never be able to find a spouse for myself.
- Hmm, issues there too, but I don’t think I want to get into those...
- Be quiet, I don't know what I want.
- I think we have established that. But the church, old girl! What's making your hesitant, if there is really no – let me just whisper it – rational reason for you to stay?
- There isn't, is there? It's just that it is a big decision and you know how I hate decisions. It's a real statement.
- You are a conservative coward, who'd rather cling to a burning tree than hop into a lake. It's a statement to belong to the church, too. It's not like we are living in the middle ages. You are not going to get burned as a witch, if you tear yourself from the skirts of the mother-church. You aren't even going to get chucked by your friends, since plenty – if not most – of them think exactly like you do. And even if they don't, it's the 21st century, girl! Religion belongs to the private sphere these days – unless you were unlucky enough to be born in the dominions of Allah, the Pope or the all-mighty Bush.
- Are you trying to talk me into leaving the church, then?
- I'm only asking if this is yet again one decision you are hesitant to make because of your unfounded fears. I don't want you to live your life controlled by fear.
Fear does control my life. A confession. An answer – of kinds anyway. I have filled the form now. It didn't take even two minutes. Your name, place of residence and social security-number. Now the decision is only that one click away. Why do I still hesitate, when I know that I want to do it? I need five more minutes to think about this. I think I'll just go to the bathroom and make my decision. Oh, the fundamental believers would crucify me for that. And why do I care, when they are so low on my list of people to tolerate? Five more minutes.
Now it is done. Clickety-click. I will be getting a letter in five to ten days that my notice has been registered. I feel so relieved that I wish to cry. I have gotten rid of one expectation more. If I ever wish to rejoin the church, it will be my decision now; not something that society and traditions expect from me.
************
And, dear Reader, I must say that these X months later I am still plenty happy with my decision.
Pick your choice of a title
What have I learned today? Other than that if you listen to Rammstein when transcribing archive entries you will work twice as fast as normally. As weird as it sounds music keeps you more concentrated on the work you're doing.
I got my first blog comment yesterday. :-) A real comment, the ones from the Korea Telecommunications and their ilk don't count. Thank you T, it is very nice to get comments. And a record number of visits too!
- I told you! You don't get anyone reading unless you tell them you're writing.
- You always know everything, don't you?
- Of course. I'm perfect.
- ....
- What? Not even a "Shut up!" or a tiny "Bugger of!"?
- ....
- Damn woman, that's not very nice of you.
- I'm practising being an adult and won't even deign to answer your insults.
- An adult? You! You're hurting my stomach, lass. You can't go a day without mentioning the name of that weird band. That's what fifteen years do, dear girl.
- Bah, I know fifty year olds who are more obsessed than me.
- No you don't!
- Yes I do!
- Never!
- I do too!
- Yeah, your argumentational skills really prove you're an adult.
- Oh, shut up!
I think it is time to go back to reading Susan Sontag. But first I have to transfer some songs to my MP3-player. Everyone sing along "Tiefe Brunnen muß man graben, wenn man klares Wasser will..."
I got my first blog comment yesterday. :-) A real comment, the ones from the Korea Telecommunications and their ilk don't count. Thank you T, it is very nice to get comments. And a record number of visits too!
- I told you! You don't get anyone reading unless you tell them you're writing.
- You always know everything, don't you?
- Of course. I'm perfect.
- ....
- What? Not even a "Shut up!" or a tiny "Bugger of!"?
- ....
- Damn woman, that's not very nice of you.
- I'm practising being an adult and won't even deign to answer your insults.
- An adult? You! You're hurting my stomach, lass. You can't go a day without mentioning the name of that weird band. That's what fifteen years do, dear girl.
- Bah, I know fifty year olds who are more obsessed than me.
- No you don't!
- Yes I do!
- Never!
- I do too!
- Yeah, your argumentational skills really prove you're an adult.
- Oh, shut up!
I think it is time to go back to reading Susan Sontag. But first I have to transfer some songs to my MP3-player. Everyone sing along "Tiefe Brunnen muß man graben, wenn man klares Wasser will..."
lokakuuta 30, 2005
Sonntag
I edited my European journal today as you can see. Took forever.
Now I've been listening to Rosenrot non-stop. I love it, absolutely love it - every single song is amazing, even the ones I thought at first that don't work. I may be of different opinion in a couple of months time, but right now I think it's the best album they have ever made. Magnificient.
I listen to Rammstein and read Susan Sontag's "In America". I had never read anything from her before, but she is very rapidly becoming my new favourite author. I love her style.
Okay, just wanted to come here and share with you the fact that I'm having a wonderful evening. I have gathered pillows on the floor, have my cup of tea, Rammstein and Sontag and life is feeling wonderfully bitter sweet. Will go back to it now. Byeee.
Now I've been listening to Rosenrot non-stop. I love it, absolutely love it - every single song is amazing, even the ones I thought at first that don't work. I may be of different opinion in a couple of months time, but right now I think it's the best album they have ever made. Magnificient.
I listen to Rammstein and read Susan Sontag's "In America". I had never read anything from her before, but she is very rapidly becoming my new favourite author. I love her style.
Okay, just wanted to come here and share with you the fact that I'm having a wonderful evening. I have gathered pillows on the floor, have my cup of tea, Rammstein and Sontag and life is feeling wonderfully bitter sweet. Will go back to it now. Byeee.
The OMY-European Tour – Day Six – 28th of October
We are on our way to Frankfurt – sitting on a local train and enjoying the unexpectedness of travelling. We decided to switch trains in Karlsruhe in order to catch a faster train going directly to the Frankfurt airport. But, alas, it turned out to be full-booked, as was the next one, which is why a local train it is. It’s crowded, baby carriages, bicycles and people going to who knows where. The scenery is gorgeous though. One can see more this way than sitting an extra hour at the Frankfurt airport. The best place to have spent the hour would have been Strasbourg, but of course it is understandable that people want to be on the airport in good time.
Strasbourg was beautiful – the most beautiful of these three cities by far. And possibly my new favourite of the middling sized cities – you can’t really compare it to Paris or St. Petersburg since they are so different. It is a shame we had such little time to spend there. The place is really worth a visit.
We walked this morning to the European Court of Human Rights. The building itself is like a big space ship, but it’s situated in quite amazing surroundings. We walked along the river bank when we returned to the hotel and it was really one of the most beautiful routes I have ever seen in my life. Could not tear my eyes away from the river. It flows steadily – speedily – past the court and almost seems to wash away the sins like the autumn leaves which float on its surface. The graceful swans embrace the river banks and with their existence symbolise the compensation that the court distributes.
We were introduced to the operation of the court by P. The speech he gave appealed to me in a way the most of all the presentations. It brought closest to reality the work that they actually do here – as if it is something that really matters. Can you tell that human rights interest me more than internal markets and competition? P wasn’t the smoothest of all people, but his examples were very enlightening.
He was also quite endearing when he introduced himself to me after the lecture. You see, I’ve been working as a courier this trip too. I was supposed to get the proofread articles from our honourable judges to J for the Lakimies-magazine. I’m not absolutely sure that the versions I got are exactly what she wants. If not then she just has to rely on modern communication methods.
They were talking of childhood experiences in the train – one of them. I did not catch half of it, since we were sitting a bit further – Eavesdropping? Me? Never! – but J said something along the lines of sharing childhood experiences, since putting them through the group therapy would help people get rid of childhood traumas that were a hindrance to finishing the dissertation. A joke, I know, but so much truth in it as to be worth a rueful smile. What a masochistic experience that would be; one I’m certain most people would not be ready for. When everything that a person goes through in thirty years gets dropped in your lap in an hour, it is too much. It’s much better to use things like...blogs, for example, as a personal therapist. I don’t know if it quite fair to do that, but no-one is forced to read blogs.
And it takes time before one gets comfortable with the idea of the net as a place where you can come across real people. I have for example told a couple of people at the Uni about my blog and it appears that they don’t read it. I think there are limits as to how well people wish to know you. Another question is of course whether it is naïve to share all your inner contemplations on the net. It is completely possible to misuse information of that kind. I am not as naïve as not to understand that. Yet that doesn’t stop me from writing. The benefits outweigh the dangers at least so far.
Also díscussions of plans of going to Tuscany next year. That would be very lovely. The countryside there is quite amazing too – maybe not quite as wonderful as around here, but still gorgeous. To Florence I’ve been twice already and it – unfortunately – didn’t terribly much impress me, but the idea of olive-picking and wine-harvesting is absolutely frigging marvellous. I would love to do that.
The journey is almost finished. On the airplane now: the food has been eaten – somewhat better than on the way to Brussels, but still not receiving full marks – the paper has been read and the evenings educational BBC-documentary is over. Our people are talking in the rows behind me, but I’m feeling a tad too travel worn to participate. I’m not an extrovert and there always tends to come a point sooner or later – and usually sooner – when I just can’t socialise anymore.
The security on the Frankfurt airport was again relatively high. They search you when you go through the security. Our line was a bit short of the electronic whatchmacallits so only men where checked with those; women were done “manually” by a pretty brunette. She had soft hands. Aargh, life is confusing. Pre-Tillian thoughts again.
Speaking of R+, Ilta-Sanomat reports that Rosenrot is on sale in Free-Record Shops. The DVD-version for 18,99 € – just today and tomorrow. I will not be happy if the DVD-ones are sold out before I get my hands on one. It’s a limited edition and Finland has plenty of Rammstein crazy people – the only country that got Benzin to number one on the singles list already during the first week. Yes, your merry little Finland. I want to hear ‘em songs.
We are almost to Helsinki. The trip is over and we’ve been to the important EU-institutions now. That takes a lot away from their remoteness, but also from their “pomp and glory”. The offices were like offices in any building, the people just like the bloke sitting next door – could be me if I had made my choices differently. Could be anyone – at least in Finland. In countries like France or Britain it may be a different thing, but at least in Finland anybody can become anything.
R asked what the best thing about this trip was and my answer was then food, company, architecture and scenery. After Strasbourg I had to add that city – the walk from the court. The adjectives just fail there. Sometimes things and places just are so beautiful that you have to stare and let them carry you with them.
I hope there is no snow, no snow, no snow... I cannot take snow yet, especially not after the weather in Strasbourg and Frankfurt. It was frigging warm there – almost 20 °C. Those lucky bastards! Lucky bleeping bastards.
Hey, and thanks to everyone who was along. I had fun. Next year in Tuscany, ay?
Nearly here now.
Strasbourg was beautiful – the most beautiful of these three cities by far. And possibly my new favourite of the middling sized cities – you can’t really compare it to Paris or St. Petersburg since they are so different. It is a shame we had such little time to spend there. The place is really worth a visit.
We walked this morning to the European Court of Human Rights. The building itself is like a big space ship, but it’s situated in quite amazing surroundings. We walked along the river bank when we returned to the hotel and it was really one of the most beautiful routes I have ever seen in my life. Could not tear my eyes away from the river. It flows steadily – speedily – past the court and almost seems to wash away the sins like the autumn leaves which float on its surface. The graceful swans embrace the river banks and with their existence symbolise the compensation that the court distributes.
We were introduced to the operation of the court by P. The speech he gave appealed to me in a way the most of all the presentations. It brought closest to reality the work that they actually do here – as if it is something that really matters. Can you tell that human rights interest me more than internal markets and competition? P wasn’t the smoothest of all people, but his examples were very enlightening.
He was also quite endearing when he introduced himself to me after the lecture. You see, I’ve been working as a courier this trip too. I was supposed to get the proofread articles from our honourable judges to J for the Lakimies-magazine. I’m not absolutely sure that the versions I got are exactly what she wants. If not then she just has to rely on modern communication methods.
They were talking of childhood experiences in the train – one of them. I did not catch half of it, since we were sitting a bit further – Eavesdropping? Me? Never! – but J said something along the lines of sharing childhood experiences, since putting them through the group therapy would help people get rid of childhood traumas that were a hindrance to finishing the dissertation. A joke, I know, but so much truth in it as to be worth a rueful smile. What a masochistic experience that would be; one I’m certain most people would not be ready for. When everything that a person goes through in thirty years gets dropped in your lap in an hour, it is too much. It’s much better to use things like...blogs, for example, as a personal therapist. I don’t know if it quite fair to do that, but no-one is forced to read blogs.
And it takes time before one gets comfortable with the idea of the net as a place where you can come across real people. I have for example told a couple of people at the Uni about my blog and it appears that they don’t read it. I think there are limits as to how well people wish to know you. Another question is of course whether it is naïve to share all your inner contemplations on the net. It is completely possible to misuse information of that kind. I am not as naïve as not to understand that. Yet that doesn’t stop me from writing. The benefits outweigh the dangers at least so far.
Also díscussions of plans of going to Tuscany next year. That would be very lovely. The countryside there is quite amazing too – maybe not quite as wonderful as around here, but still gorgeous. To Florence I’ve been twice already and it – unfortunately – didn’t terribly much impress me, but the idea of olive-picking and wine-harvesting is absolutely frigging marvellous. I would love to do that.
The journey is almost finished. On the airplane now: the food has been eaten – somewhat better than on the way to Brussels, but still not receiving full marks – the paper has been read and the evenings educational BBC-documentary is over. Our people are talking in the rows behind me, but I’m feeling a tad too travel worn to participate. I’m not an extrovert and there always tends to come a point sooner or later – and usually sooner – when I just can’t socialise anymore.
The security on the Frankfurt airport was again relatively high. They search you when you go through the security. Our line was a bit short of the electronic whatchmacallits so only men where checked with those; women were done “manually” by a pretty brunette. She had soft hands. Aargh, life is confusing. Pre-Tillian thoughts again.
Speaking of R+, Ilta-Sanomat reports that Rosenrot is on sale in Free-Record Shops. The DVD-version for 18,99 € – just today and tomorrow. I will not be happy if the DVD-ones are sold out before I get my hands on one. It’s a limited edition and Finland has plenty of Rammstein crazy people – the only country that got Benzin to number one on the singles list already during the first week. Yes, your merry little Finland. I want to hear ‘em songs.
We are almost to Helsinki. The trip is over and we’ve been to the important EU-institutions now. That takes a lot away from their remoteness, but also from their “pomp and glory”. The offices were like offices in any building, the people just like the bloke sitting next door – could be me if I had made my choices differently. Could be anyone – at least in Finland. In countries like France or Britain it may be a different thing, but at least in Finland anybody can become anything.
R asked what the best thing about this trip was and my answer was then food, company, architecture and scenery. After Strasbourg I had to add that city – the walk from the court. The adjectives just fail there. Sometimes things and places just are so beautiful that you have to stare and let them carry you with them.
I hope there is no snow, no snow, no snow... I cannot take snow yet, especially not after the weather in Strasbourg and Frankfurt. It was frigging warm there – almost 20 °C. Those lucky bastards! Lucky bleeping bastards.
Hey, and thanks to everyone who was along. I had fun. Next year in Tuscany, ay?
Nearly here now.
The OMY-European Tour – Day Five – 27th of October
The busiest day of them all. We spent nearly the entire day at the Court and then had to hurry to the train station again to catch the train to Strasbourg. We had an opportunity to follow a hearing in an IKEA-case. The case in itself was frankly rather boring, but it was an interesting opportunity to see the court in action. There was not terribly much interaction; the three parties – the representatives of IKEA, the Commission and the Council – read out loud their statements and took over an hour doing that. One of the judges asked basically just one question and the representatives of the Commission and Council had serious difficulties answering to that.
This kind of a tour would be extremely educational for law students too; it would dispel possible doubts about being able to cope in the European circles. And of course would just generally add awareness of the opportunities here – more than one person said that they are having occasional difficulties in recruiting people from Finland. Five years ago I would have been excited by a possibility like that, but I’m no more interested in the kind of responsibility or doing 12 hour days. No thank you, not for me.
I slept – or drowsed – for most of the train ride to Strasbourg. We arrived shortly before nine o’clock and checked into our hotel, which was really the best of the hotels in the three cities. Unfortunately we didn’t really have time to enjoy its offerings. We went out to find a restaurant again – that is one of the good things about travelling in a bigger company. You go out and eat in restaurants at evenings even if it is already nine. Alone I would not have stepped out of the hotel room anymore and would have missed seeing the Petite France – part of the old town by the river. Beautiful.
This kind of a tour would be extremely educational for law students too; it would dispel possible doubts about being able to cope in the European circles. And of course would just generally add awareness of the opportunities here – more than one person said that they are having occasional difficulties in recruiting people from Finland. Five years ago I would have been excited by a possibility like that, but I’m no more interested in the kind of responsibility or doing 12 hour days. No thank you, not for me.
I slept – or drowsed – for most of the train ride to Strasbourg. We arrived shortly before nine o’clock and checked into our hotel, which was really the best of the hotels in the three cities. Unfortunately we didn’t really have time to enjoy its offerings. We went out to find a restaurant again – that is one of the good things about travelling in a bigger company. You go out and eat in restaurants at evenings even if it is already nine. Alone I would not have stepped out of the hotel room anymore and would have missed seeing the Petite France – part of the old town by the river. Beautiful.
The OMY-European Tour – Day Four – 26th of October
(later entry) A relatively early start this morning. We are leaving Brussels and taking the train to Luxemburg. This is again one of the easier days program-wise. The program has been planned quite well, so we do also have plenty of free time. We have scheduled a visit to the Library of the European Court of Justice (or both courts? – didn’t pay enough attention) and then later in the evening a dinner with some representatives of the courts. I’ll get back to my impressions about both a little later, but first lets jump on the train to Luxemburg. Most of the stuff about Tuesday was also written down on the train – not too many opportunities for keeping the journal, I’m afraid – but here some direct observations – okay, edited direct observations...
Alright, touristy viewpoints. Mannekin Pis is small – prepare for a Mona-Lisa effect – the main square (Grand Place/Große Markt) of Brussels is tourist-filled even at this time of the year and decently impressive. I’d have to go to improve on art history to be able to tell you which eras and styles the buildings represented. I was disgustingly badly prepared for this week and did not check anything beforehand about the history of any of the cities we visited. There were also no guided tours so history-wise I know not much more about Brussels, Luxemburg or Strasbourg now than I did before. Will do better next time.
What I can say is that among the beautiful old buildings there is an awful amount of ugly new pompous offices. Quite a number of the older houses have also been left to deteriorate – in the hope, we heard, that they would eventually be of such a bad condition, that there was no sense in protecting them and the EU sources could be induced to by them with hard cash and build new buildings in their stead. All of this added to the general south-European colourfulness and did not make Brussels the tidiest of all cities. A nice city, but nowhere you absolutely have to go, since there are plenty of other cities in the world. Try Paris for example, or St. Petersburg, Stockholm or Strasbourg.
The Belgian countryside on the other hand is beautiful. We are on the train now, on our way to Luxemburg. It’s all green hills, picturesque old villages, copses of trees, stone churches and even a castle here and there. Now this is a place where one could live. Absolutely fabulous. Now, why can’t Finnish countryside be like this? I’d be away from the city so fast.
It’s not all as beautiful of course. Reach a place big enough to have a train-station and you get ugly factories and concrete buildings likes of which you’ll see the world over. Like this place Ciney for example. Nah, sorry Cineyans, you do have some beautiful greenery and stone buildings too. But it’s just so green here that I can’t stop marvelling. Nature can be so terribly relaxing in all its “verdant plendour”. I’m a little worried about the cold, white winter approaching.
Hmm, Luxemburg. The most modern hotel out of the three, near the train station. We walked quite a lot again today. Walking is possibly the best form of exercise, but it is not a bludgeonly idiotic idea to take sneakers along. Or anything comfortable to walk in. High heels can certainly be purty, but walking up and down medieval valleys is a bit of a masochistic experience. Which is why you think twice whether you will even try; and more likely than not you won’t – even if later you think you should have. Like you think that you should have woken up at six o’clock and gone for a morning walk, gone to visit all the cathedrals you did not have time to see and the art museums, should have checked what there was in the theatres and the opera... And still you never do. Why does one have to love comfort more than all the new exciting experiences... Tschk, tschk.
But anyway, the European Court of Justice. They had quite nice premises, at least from the inside, from the outside it was again one of those monstrous, big buildings. They had arranged the best welcoming committee and in other ways too had put most effort in meeting us. The library was nice but not really useful for me, because for obvious reasons they did not have much books on legal history. There would have been stuff on appeal procedure, but nothing that could be sensibly checked out in a short time.
So most of us did not stay at the library for that long and we went back to town to take a look around and wait for the dinner in the evening. Luxemburg is a beautiful town – a valley runs through it, which gives the entire place a very specific feeling, a river and a railway follow the valley, a castle is situated higher up and walls and the bastions surround the older centre. Bridges – older and more modern ones – complete the picture. A beautiful place which is worth a short re-visit.
Alright, touristy viewpoints. Mannekin Pis is small – prepare for a Mona-Lisa effect – the main square (Grand Place/Große Markt) of Brussels is tourist-filled even at this time of the year and decently impressive. I’d have to go to improve on art history to be able to tell you which eras and styles the buildings represented. I was disgustingly badly prepared for this week and did not check anything beforehand about the history of any of the cities we visited. There were also no guided tours so history-wise I know not much more about Brussels, Luxemburg or Strasbourg now than I did before. Will do better next time.
What I can say is that among the beautiful old buildings there is an awful amount of ugly new pompous offices. Quite a number of the older houses have also been left to deteriorate – in the hope, we heard, that they would eventually be of such a bad condition, that there was no sense in protecting them and the EU sources could be induced to by them with hard cash and build new buildings in their stead. All of this added to the general south-European colourfulness and did not make Brussels the tidiest of all cities. A nice city, but nowhere you absolutely have to go, since there are plenty of other cities in the world. Try Paris for example, or St. Petersburg, Stockholm or Strasbourg.
The Belgian countryside on the other hand is beautiful. We are on the train now, on our way to Luxemburg. It’s all green hills, picturesque old villages, copses of trees, stone churches and even a castle here and there. Now this is a place where one could live. Absolutely fabulous. Now, why can’t Finnish countryside be like this? I’d be away from the city so fast.
It’s not all as beautiful of course. Reach a place big enough to have a train-station and you get ugly factories and concrete buildings likes of which you’ll see the world over. Like this place Ciney for example. Nah, sorry Cineyans, you do have some beautiful greenery and stone buildings too. But it’s just so green here that I can’t stop marvelling. Nature can be so terribly relaxing in all its “verdant plendour”. I’m a little worried about the cold, white winter approaching.
Hmm, Luxemburg. The most modern hotel out of the three, near the train station. We walked quite a lot again today. Walking is possibly the best form of exercise, but it is not a bludgeonly idiotic idea to take sneakers along. Or anything comfortable to walk in. High heels can certainly be purty, but walking up and down medieval valleys is a bit of a masochistic experience. Which is why you think twice whether you will even try; and more likely than not you won’t – even if later you think you should have. Like you think that you should have woken up at six o’clock and gone for a morning walk, gone to visit all the cathedrals you did not have time to see and the art museums, should have checked what there was in the theatres and the opera... And still you never do. Why does one have to love comfort more than all the new exciting experiences... Tschk, tschk.
But anyway, the European Court of Justice. They had quite nice premises, at least from the inside, from the outside it was again one of those monstrous, big buildings. They had arranged the best welcoming committee and in other ways too had put most effort in meeting us. The library was nice but not really useful for me, because for obvious reasons they did not have much books on legal history. There would have been stuff on appeal procedure, but nothing that could be sensibly checked out in a short time.
So most of us did not stay at the library for that long and we went back to town to take a look around and wait for the dinner in the evening. Luxemburg is a beautiful town – a valley runs through it, which gives the entire place a very specific feeling, a river and a railway follow the valley, a castle is situated higher up and walls and the bastions surround the older centre. Bridges – older and more modern ones – complete the picture. A beautiful place which is worth a short re-visit.
The OMY-European Tour – Day Three – 25th of October
Tuesday – the day to visit the Commission headquarters. Dare I call the building huge? Recently renovated, very clean and sterile – long bare hallways with some attempts to decorate the place with paintings here and there. They have a sauna somewhere too – thanks to Erkki Liikanen. We were up to the commissioners’ floor and based on what we saw, it wasn’t particularly fancy. No wasting money on external extravaganza.
The people we met were really nice, especially P from Legal Services and H from the General Secretary. They had lunch with us in the commission’s cafeteria, which was big, effective and cheap. I ate well with only 3.04 €. In general we have eaten extremely well on this trip. This far (written on Wednesday – see how you can cheat when editing your text later) – full points go to the mozzarella-avocado salad at L’Ultime Atome – excellent place, will recommend it to everyone, situated by the church of S’Boniface near a fascinating African quarter – and the hors d’oeuvres at the Greek restaurant we were at with the representatives of Seula (Finnish EU-lawyers) on Tuesday evening. Lovely.
After the lunch our boys went to the war museum. I’ve been trying to remember whether P said already at the lunch that they were going to do that or whether it was H who told us that when we came from the ladies’ room and the boys had already gone. The difference between whether we had the possibility to go along or not. I had a good day and I am not hundred percent sure I would have gone anyway, since girl-bonding is important too, but history and war... History and war as compared to shopping wins always, with flying colours; history and war as compared to girl-bonding, that depends on the situation.
One of the guys – I heard later – also had remarked something along the lines of “women prefer shopping to museums anyway” (as a reason for not asking us, because if we heard about them going beforehand, it was P who said it in passing and not one of them), and I’m not sure whether I ought to be upset about the comment. I wasn’t when I heard about it, since I took it as a joke. But what if it wasn’t a joke? Do I still have a right to be upset? I mean, it is entirely possible – even probable – that most women DO prefer shopping to going to a war museum – or any museum for that matter. My preferred way of spending the afternoon would have actually also been a visit to the art museum, not the war one. But anyway, if something is true, is it a stereotype? Am I upset – I think I am a little upset after all, right or no – because someone might think of me as a stereotype? Would not acknowledge my individuality, the fact that despite being female I could get far greater kicks out of a war museum than going through shops? Am I upset at women, because they prefer shopping to museums? Am I upset because of my own prejudices; preferring a more gender-neutral society? Am I upset at my own femininity? That I would choose girl-bonding over going to a museum? I did after all choose it instead of going to a museum of any kind.
Okay, this goes under the never-ending identity-debate, which is probably better done somewhere else than here. This journal is turning out to be completely different from what I had originally planned. Where is my light, witty, slightly EU-critical account? Nowhere! Where is anything connected to the trip anyway? This could almost be inner contemplation penned down in a bus coming from a seminar in our own faculty.
The people we met were really nice, especially P from Legal Services and H from the General Secretary. They had lunch with us in the commission’s cafeteria, which was big, effective and cheap. I ate well with only 3.04 €. In general we have eaten extremely well on this trip. This far (written on Wednesday – see how you can cheat when editing your text later) – full points go to the mozzarella-avocado salad at L’Ultime Atome – excellent place, will recommend it to everyone, situated by the church of S’Boniface near a fascinating African quarter – and the hors d’oeuvres at the Greek restaurant we were at with the representatives of Seula (Finnish EU-lawyers) on Tuesday evening. Lovely.
After the lunch our boys went to the war museum. I’ve been trying to remember whether P said already at the lunch that they were going to do that or whether it was H who told us that when we came from the ladies’ room and the boys had already gone. The difference between whether we had the possibility to go along or not. I had a good day and I am not hundred percent sure I would have gone anyway, since girl-bonding is important too, but history and war... History and war as compared to shopping wins always, with flying colours; history and war as compared to girl-bonding, that depends on the situation.
One of the guys – I heard later – also had remarked something along the lines of “women prefer shopping to museums anyway” (as a reason for not asking us, because if we heard about them going beforehand, it was P who said it in passing and not one of them), and I’m not sure whether I ought to be upset about the comment. I wasn’t when I heard about it, since I took it as a joke. But what if it wasn’t a joke? Do I still have a right to be upset? I mean, it is entirely possible – even probable – that most women DO prefer shopping to going to a war museum – or any museum for that matter. My preferred way of spending the afternoon would have actually also been a visit to the art museum, not the war one. But anyway, if something is true, is it a stereotype? Am I upset – I think I am a little upset after all, right or no – because someone might think of me as a stereotype? Would not acknowledge my individuality, the fact that despite being female I could get far greater kicks out of a war museum than going through shops? Am I upset at women, because they prefer shopping to museums? Am I upset because of my own prejudices; preferring a more gender-neutral society? Am I upset at my own femininity? That I would choose girl-bonding over going to a museum? I did after all choose it instead of going to a museum of any kind.
Okay, this goes under the never-ending identity-debate, which is probably better done somewhere else than here. This journal is turning out to be completely different from what I had originally planned. Where is my light, witty, slightly EU-critical account? Nowhere! Where is anything connected to the trip anyway? This could almost be inner contemplation penned down in a bus coming from a seminar in our own faculty.
The OMY-European Tour – Day Two – 24th of October
The First official program number. We have arrived – through rain and twisting streets – to the DG Competition. (DG btw stands for Directorate-General – thank you Google again for your generous assistance. I’m not familiar with the Union slang, so I assumed it to be something along the lines of general department.)
Someone from the Merger Policy and Strategic Support Unit is here to tell us about Merger Review. The guy seems really nice, but I’ve never personally had the slightest interest in competition legislation. It’s all very technical and market oriented. Okay, now he said the word which is actually the interesting thing about mergers: consumer-protection. Regulations, measures, requirements and exceptions, conglomerates and vertical mergers don’t move me; what is interesting is why we regulate mergers, what it says about the interests and values of our society? I am rather certain we won’t be discussing that today.
Hmm, he does speak of the goals, but the viewpoint here is efficiency: administrative efficiency, reduction of costs and better allocation of jurisdiction so these could be achieved. Very commission-, state- and company-oriented. Naturally, of course, but I need the individual or community to be involved to get seriously interested myself. It’s intriguing to look at some of the others though and see how excited they are of this theme. That is as it should be: some – however strange it is ;-) – actually prefer spinach soup to chilli chocolate.
I like the informality of this room. Duffy Duck stands in the corner on a windowsill next to a plastic bulldozer and from the other corner a female saint smiles benevolently at both of them and the football in a glass case in the middle. On the wall there is an ad for the movie “Invasion of the Ants” and on the hallway we were greeted by a poster for an Astrid Lindgren-movie. I bet they don’t do their more important negotiations in these premises.
It’s still raining. My feet haven’t dried yet, but they don’t squish anymore either. I liked walking in the rain, even though buying the umbrella was a good idea. I mean really, who could possibly live with panda-eyes, bird’s nest for a hair and clothes soaked to the bone!! ;-) Makes me thing of the time when one was wetter than ever. Thunder, curtain dropping, slow strides to the front of the stage… Okay, back to the reality. No insane grins, when there’s talk about “review and consolidation of the Notices on jurisdiction”.
Coffee-break. I notice that I’ve been working too many times as a seminar secretary. There I go again arranging the coffee table. They had brought in the milk-portions, sugar, tea bags and spoons in a paper bag and left it on the table. Now I definitely like unofficial, but I’m not sure whether this is not just a tad too much. I also notice that in certain situations I like tidiness. As in throwing empty milk-portions to the thrash can half a meter way. ::cough, cough:: girlish, I know.
For some reason I am again wondering if some people here might think that I’m bit of an idiot – you know: harebrained, big blue eyes, decent at organising things, but not necessarily blessed with too much brains. I’d like to think that I’m not an idiot. But, really, would an idiot know that she isn’t an idiot? Or that she is? Would an idiot have knowledge for knowing? Knowing of knowledge? Non-knowledged know-how...
But seriously, I am not capable of expressing my opinions properly in the presence of some people – for various reasons. Sometimes I’ve been known to adapt the wide-eyed, brainless “ooh, aah, reeaally?” attitude, which is why I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if someone did think that I was an idiot.
I am not an idiot – honest. But still I have to ask myself if that harebrained “woman” is truly a part of me. If she is, should I embrace her or try to change myself towards something/someone I am more comfortable with? Is there again a middle way – being more articulate, knowing one’s own mind, but giving up the desire for perfection; the need to know everything, the fear of saying something without thorough knowledge? Having an idiotic opinion, making an idiotic statement always now and then doesn’t make you an idiot.
- Really?
- Yeah, really. Otherwise we would all be idiots.
- Maybe we are.
- Is that your definition of an idiot?
- Mine? I am not worried about being an idiot. I am perfect. Perfection itself. You’re the one moaning about idiocy. So ask yourself what for you is an idiot?
- I don’t know. One who never questions the rationality and sensibility of their thoughts and actions? I don’t know.
- So perfection is idiocy?
- Did I say that? Yeah, maybe.
- Well, then you don’t have to worry. You are not an idiot.
- Oh, bugger off.
Okay, time to move on. The second presentation of the day. Is there something to be drawn from these lectures for my own research? Some questions about uniform applicability, control of national / local courts, being the ultimate guarantor of....(insert your choice of value), parallel competence. Same questions being talked over and over, century after century. Efficiency again. That is what they were mad about already in the 18th century too.
Transparency is also an interesting theme; as a viewpoint to the eternal “legitimation of power” –question. What the attitude towards the need for – the right to? – transparency tells of the state, the rights of and the importance given to its citizens. Yeah, we can think about that for the rest of the evening. I bet.
Someone from the Merger Policy and Strategic Support Unit is here to tell us about Merger Review. The guy seems really nice, but I’ve never personally had the slightest interest in competition legislation. It’s all very technical and market oriented. Okay, now he said the word which is actually the interesting thing about mergers: consumer-protection. Regulations, measures, requirements and exceptions, conglomerates and vertical mergers don’t move me; what is interesting is why we regulate mergers, what it says about the interests and values of our society? I am rather certain we won’t be discussing that today.
Hmm, he does speak of the goals, but the viewpoint here is efficiency: administrative efficiency, reduction of costs and better allocation of jurisdiction so these could be achieved. Very commission-, state- and company-oriented. Naturally, of course, but I need the individual or community to be involved to get seriously interested myself. It’s intriguing to look at some of the others though and see how excited they are of this theme. That is as it should be: some – however strange it is ;-) – actually prefer spinach soup to chilli chocolate.
I like the informality of this room. Duffy Duck stands in the corner on a windowsill next to a plastic bulldozer and from the other corner a female saint smiles benevolently at both of them and the football in a glass case in the middle. On the wall there is an ad for the movie “Invasion of the Ants” and on the hallway we were greeted by a poster for an Astrid Lindgren-movie. I bet they don’t do their more important negotiations in these premises.
It’s still raining. My feet haven’t dried yet, but they don’t squish anymore either. I liked walking in the rain, even though buying the umbrella was a good idea. I mean really, who could possibly live with panda-eyes, bird’s nest for a hair and clothes soaked to the bone!! ;-) Makes me thing of the time when one was wetter than ever. Thunder, curtain dropping, slow strides to the front of the stage… Okay, back to the reality. No insane grins, when there’s talk about “review and consolidation of the Notices on jurisdiction”.
Coffee-break. I notice that I’ve been working too many times as a seminar secretary. There I go again arranging the coffee table. They had brought in the milk-portions, sugar, tea bags and spoons in a paper bag and left it on the table. Now I definitely like unofficial, but I’m not sure whether this is not just a tad too much. I also notice that in certain situations I like tidiness. As in throwing empty milk-portions to the thrash can half a meter way. ::cough, cough:: girlish, I know.
For some reason I am again wondering if some people here might think that I’m bit of an idiot – you know: harebrained, big blue eyes, decent at organising things, but not necessarily blessed with too much brains. I’d like to think that I’m not an idiot. But, really, would an idiot know that she isn’t an idiot? Or that she is? Would an idiot have knowledge for knowing? Knowing of knowledge? Non-knowledged know-how...
But seriously, I am not capable of expressing my opinions properly in the presence of some people – for various reasons. Sometimes I’ve been known to adapt the wide-eyed, brainless “ooh, aah, reeaally?” attitude, which is why I wouldn’t be terribly surprised if someone did think that I was an idiot.
I am not an idiot – honest. But still I have to ask myself if that harebrained “woman” is truly a part of me. If she is, should I embrace her or try to change myself towards something/someone I am more comfortable with? Is there again a middle way – being more articulate, knowing one’s own mind, but giving up the desire for perfection; the need to know everything, the fear of saying something without thorough knowledge? Having an idiotic opinion, making an idiotic statement always now and then doesn’t make you an idiot.
- Really?
- Yeah, really. Otherwise we would all be idiots.
- Maybe we are.
- Is that your definition of an idiot?
- Mine? I am not worried about being an idiot. I am perfect. Perfection itself. You’re the one moaning about idiocy. So ask yourself what for you is an idiot?
- I don’t know. One who never questions the rationality and sensibility of their thoughts and actions? I don’t know.
- So perfection is idiocy?
- Did I say that? Yeah, maybe.
- Well, then you don’t have to worry. You are not an idiot.
- Oh, bugger off.
Okay, time to move on. The second presentation of the day. Is there something to be drawn from these lectures for my own research? Some questions about uniform applicability, control of national / local courts, being the ultimate guarantor of....(insert your choice of value), parallel competence. Same questions being talked over and over, century after century. Efficiency again. That is what they were mad about already in the 18th century too.
Transparency is also an interesting theme; as a viewpoint to the eternal “legitimation of power” –question. What the attitude towards the need for – the right to? – transparency tells of the state, the rights of and the importance given to its citizens. Yeah, we can think about that for the rest of the evening. I bet.
The OMY-European Tour – Day One – 23rd of October
The European tour is about to begin. I am standing on the bus stop and waiting. I did not write letters earlier today nor clean. I dropped the cat at my sister’s, checked all the relevant websites and spent an eternity packing. I’m only taking a smallish carry-on luggage with me and it’s naturally quite impossible to know what to take along without trying some clothes on. I was absolutely forced to model for myself a moment or two. I know I tend to bitch about people dressing up, but still it’s just so bloody nice to look a bit more ladylike now and then. Makes one feel almost beautiful.
I needed that – looking pretty. Yesterday, after writing that bit here, I couldn’t tear myself away from the net immediately. So what did I do? I ended up checking the web-sites of some of the forum-people and although some of them made me feel relieved not to be seventeen anymore, some of the others…well, quite an humbling experience, let me tell you that. How can some people have such a way with words, be so artistic, have such interesting lives. It made me troubled again for a moment: that familiar feeling of who do I really want to be. Could one possibly be wasting one’s life sitting on the couch doing puzzles? Not possible, right?
Not that far from the airport now. (I am skipping some stuff I wrote. Moaning that you do not need to see; I’m not actually that slow a writer nor is the ride from my house to the airport that short.) Yup, but it’ll be nice to see people again. Hardly anyone coming from Helsinki though – that, I must say, I find a little disappointing. Interesting how this trip will turn out. These days I try to not have too great expectations, because great expectations mean great disappointments. We’ll see how it goes. Alright, let’s go meet everyone.
On the plane now. Olli Rehn, the Finnish EU commissar, is onboard too. We are going to visit his cabinet on Tuesday, but I don’t know if we are going to meet him. Remains to be seen. He went and waited patiently on the line like everyone else, which was nice to see. No VIP-treatment here.
The food-carts are approaching. Great. I’m seriously getting hungry. Food. I want food...
I am a weird person and usually like airplane-food. This time Finnair doesn’t get full points however. Beef in honey-rosemary sauce sounds good, but wasn’t. The potatoes were wet; you know when you take fried potato-pieces from the freezer and then warm them up. Wet and raw. We were also served plain rye bread, the taste of which can be summed up in one word – dry. And for dessert: one piece of chocolate candy. Well, I am full, fed and feel better, so one can’t complain too much. And the tea was good in any case. I have developed a liking for tea – with milk. Don’t you think I would make a fine Brit?
No-one will ever read this entry. I’ve read some blogs and even if they are funny, one tends to get bored by long entries. Maybe I should just shut up now, since I have nothing exciting to report anyway and start reading my book. Yeah, will let you know more when we reach Brussels – the power capital of the Union.
(later entry) Well, we made it to Brussels and found our hotel. An oldish, smallish, nice one near the centre. We settled in and left to meet famous locals: mussels in Brussels. I’m afraid that I turned out to be a touch finicky and left others to have their mussels and went for something else instead. K let me taste one though, and I must admit that they weren’t half as bad as I thought. Mussels could be new good friends. Or at least acquaintances to be tolerated.
I also promised to take care of the seminar arrangements in the Helsinki end for next year’s Lammi seminar. I should try and keep that from P’s ears, since she rather threatened to hit me on the head, if I would do another seminar instead of concentrating on finishing my dissertation. But I’m really bad at saying no, and it won’t really take that much time. For the work on the first Lammi-seminar I spent weeks, but last year it was only about twenty hours. That’s nothing. Really.
Tonight I have also drunk my first glass of beer. Yes, I admit it; I’ve never done that before. Okay, lemon beer and blackberry beer and something like that, but only and exactly because they don’t taste like beer. I don’t like beer. But tonight I had a real beer – by accident, since the waiter was supposed to bring me a raspberry beer, which he didn’t and since I don’t really believe in complaining... New experiences are good for you anyway. And a blackberry beer afterwards in the bar ;-).
This was not a “wet” trip, for anyone I think. And I definitely belonged to the section which drank less than most, but everything is relative. I never drink much, since coming from an alcoholic family I have problems with drinking and drunks, who can’t behave. There was none in our group, but you never know with other people in the bars... Does that sound Victorian and prudish? Well, I don’t think I really care if it does. Personal history, personal experiences, personal responses. And don’t take me wrong, if you can behave when drinking, there is nothing wrong with it. But anyway, twice to bars this week, other times back to the hotel straight from the restaurants, in bed by midnight every night, if I remember correctly. So thank you, fellow roommate, that worked rather perfectly.
I needed that – looking pretty. Yesterday, after writing that bit here, I couldn’t tear myself away from the net immediately. So what did I do? I ended up checking the web-sites of some of the forum-people and although some of them made me feel relieved not to be seventeen anymore, some of the others…well, quite an humbling experience, let me tell you that. How can some people have such a way with words, be so artistic, have such interesting lives. It made me troubled again for a moment: that familiar feeling of who do I really want to be. Could one possibly be wasting one’s life sitting on the couch doing puzzles? Not possible, right?
Not that far from the airport now. (I am skipping some stuff I wrote. Moaning that you do not need to see; I’m not actually that slow a writer nor is the ride from my house to the airport that short.) Yup, but it’ll be nice to see people again. Hardly anyone coming from Helsinki though – that, I must say, I find a little disappointing. Interesting how this trip will turn out. These days I try to not have too great expectations, because great expectations mean great disappointments. We’ll see how it goes. Alright, let’s go meet everyone.
On the plane now. Olli Rehn, the Finnish EU commissar, is onboard too. We are going to visit his cabinet on Tuesday, but I don’t know if we are going to meet him. Remains to be seen. He went and waited patiently on the line like everyone else, which was nice to see. No VIP-treatment here.
The food-carts are approaching. Great. I’m seriously getting hungry. Food. I want food...
I am a weird person and usually like airplane-food. This time Finnair doesn’t get full points however. Beef in honey-rosemary sauce sounds good, but wasn’t. The potatoes were wet; you know when you take fried potato-pieces from the freezer and then warm them up. Wet and raw. We were also served plain rye bread, the taste of which can be summed up in one word – dry. And for dessert: one piece of chocolate candy. Well, I am full, fed and feel better, so one can’t complain too much. And the tea was good in any case. I have developed a liking for tea – with milk. Don’t you think I would make a fine Brit?
No-one will ever read this entry. I’ve read some blogs and even if they are funny, one tends to get bored by long entries. Maybe I should just shut up now, since I have nothing exciting to report anyway and start reading my book. Yeah, will let you know more when we reach Brussels – the power capital of the Union.
(later entry) Well, we made it to Brussels and found our hotel. An oldish, smallish, nice one near the centre. We settled in and left to meet famous locals: mussels in Brussels. I’m afraid that I turned out to be a touch finicky and left others to have their mussels and went for something else instead. K let me taste one though, and I must admit that they weren’t half as bad as I thought. Mussels could be new good friends. Or at least acquaintances to be tolerated.
I also promised to take care of the seminar arrangements in the Helsinki end for next year’s Lammi seminar. I should try and keep that from P’s ears, since she rather threatened to hit me on the head, if I would do another seminar instead of concentrating on finishing my dissertation. But I’m really bad at saying no, and it won’t really take that much time. For the work on the first Lammi-seminar I spent weeks, but last year it was only about twenty hours. That’s nothing. Really.
Tonight I have also drunk my first glass of beer. Yes, I admit it; I’ve never done that before. Okay, lemon beer and blackberry beer and something like that, but only and exactly because they don’t taste like beer. I don’t like beer. But tonight I had a real beer – by accident, since the waiter was supposed to bring me a raspberry beer, which he didn’t and since I don’t really believe in complaining... New experiences are good for you anyway. And a blackberry beer afterwards in the bar ;-).
This was not a “wet” trip, for anyone I think. And I definitely belonged to the section which drank less than most, but everything is relative. I never drink much, since coming from an alcoholic family I have problems with drinking and drunks, who can’t behave. There was none in our group, but you never know with other people in the bars... Does that sound Victorian and prudish? Well, I don’t think I really care if it does. Personal history, personal experiences, personal responses. And don’t take me wrong, if you can behave when drinking, there is nothing wrong with it. But anyway, twice to bars this week, other times back to the hotel straight from the restaurants, in bed by midnight every night, if I remember correctly. So thank you, fellow roommate, that worked rather perfectly.
Rosenrot
Dii-da-daa-daa-daa, this has been such a rosenrot day… We came back from the European tour yesterday and I am still editing my “journal”. I’ll post it when I’m done, which is hopefully tomorrow. I started today (meaning Saturday, since I note that it’s actually past midnight), but only finished Day One.
I was up early today – relatively, anyway – and already at Myyrmanni at around nine o’clock. Not much later I had my copy of Rosenrot (the limited edition, you will note) in my hands and still a little later I had popped it in the CD-player and my ears were being caressed by the most beautiful voice in the world. I decided to leave doing the groceries and headed towards the forest. A wise choice since dear fellow customers would have thought me an idiot, for the insane goofy smile on my face. Effing brilliant. I love nearly all of the songs. Mann gegen Mann, Rosenrot, Wo bist du, Feuer und Wasser, Zerstören, Spring... The man really sounds better than ever. I’ve listened to the record now at least five times and I think I may have to do the same tomorrow. Dear people, if you don’t have an obsession, go acquire one. Now. A harmless one would be very good. Guaranteed to make you smile or your money back.
Okay, I think I have to leave the computer now. The cat, which I remembered to go and fetch back, seems to have a cold and keeps glancing at me with the sort of “time to go to bed” –look. Probably a good idea.
I was up early today – relatively, anyway – and already at Myyrmanni at around nine o’clock. Not much later I had my copy of Rosenrot (the limited edition, you will note) in my hands and still a little later I had popped it in the CD-player and my ears were being caressed by the most beautiful voice in the world. I decided to leave doing the groceries and headed towards the forest. A wise choice since dear fellow customers would have thought me an idiot, for the insane goofy smile on my face. Effing brilliant. I love nearly all of the songs. Mann gegen Mann, Rosenrot, Wo bist du, Feuer und Wasser, Zerstören, Spring... The man really sounds better than ever. I’ve listened to the record now at least five times and I think I may have to do the same tomorrow. Dear people, if you don’t have an obsession, go acquire one. Now. A harmless one would be very good. Guaranteed to make you smile or your money back.
Okay, I think I have to leave the computer now. The cat, which I remembered to go and fetch back, seems to have a cold and keeps glancing at me with the sort of “time to go to bed” –look. Probably a good idea.
lokakuuta 22, 2005
bored...
Kind of a slightly boring day; one of those when I was planning to do all kinds of things, but ended up doing nothing but cleaning up a little, translating the articles I was supposed to and sitting in front of the TV and doing puzzles. All the more to do for tomorrow then. I need to take the cat to my sister’s, pack, do some more cleaning up, preferably try to write a letter or two and be at the airport by 3.30. We’ll see how that will work out.
It’s raining outside and the wind is rattling the windows. At least it isn’t snowing. There were pics in the news from up north and there were plenty of snow there already. Disgusting. 22nd of December or thereabouts is a good day for it to start snowing, no need for snow earlier than that.
My brains are frozen tonight. I think I’ll just go back to my puzzles now. I very much doubt that I will be able to write from the European tour so I’ll be back again after a week.
It’s raining outside and the wind is rattling the windows. At least it isn’t snowing. There were pics in the news from up north and there were plenty of snow there already. Disgusting. 22nd of December or thereabouts is a good day for it to start snowing, no need for snow earlier than that.
My brains are frozen tonight. I think I’ll just go back to my puzzles now. I very much doubt that I will be able to write from the European tour so I’ll be back again after a week.
lokakuuta 20, 2005
I want to go home
I am cold, tired and I have a headache. It feels like a draft coming from somewhere and a wicked little goblin has moved inside my skull to play “squeeze” with my brains. I want to go home, I want food and something hot to drink, a warm blanket and a movie. I think today is the day when I will finally load the DVD with “Goodbye Lenin” and see if it is as good as everyone says.
Yep, I’m gone as soon as I have written this. Off to see whether the bus or train is today’s choice of transport. I wish I would live as close to the University as my sister. I like their apartment. It’s ten minutes walk from the Uni, you can see the sea from their living room window and it’s all beautiful old buildings, boats of all shapes and sizes, parks and just generally peace and quiet when you go out and walk the dog at night. Okay, my neighbourhood is relatively peaceful too, but there is no way anybody could ever call it beautiful. It’s your typical 70’s suburb, which says it all. Yeah, next time I move, it’s definitely back to the centre or then properly to the country. Now I only have to win the lottery, or I’ll either end up living in a kitchen closet or a hundred kilometres from Helsinki.
Cannot...write...anymore, the goblin has moved into my stomach and has started to devour it. I need food. Apparently three mandarins, one chocolate cookie and some chocolate raisins is not enough for lunch.
Yep, I’m gone as soon as I have written this. Off to see whether the bus or train is today’s choice of transport. I wish I would live as close to the University as my sister. I like their apartment. It’s ten minutes walk from the Uni, you can see the sea from their living room window and it’s all beautiful old buildings, boats of all shapes and sizes, parks and just generally peace and quiet when you go out and walk the dog at night. Okay, my neighbourhood is relatively peaceful too, but there is no way anybody could ever call it beautiful. It’s your typical 70’s suburb, which says it all. Yeah, next time I move, it’s definitely back to the centre or then properly to the country. Now I only have to win the lottery, or I’ll either end up living in a kitchen closet or a hundred kilometres from Helsinki.
Cannot...write...anymore, the goblin has moved into my stomach and has started to devour it. I need food. Apparently three mandarins, one chocolate cookie and some chocolate raisins is not enough for lunch.
lokakuuta 19, 2005
shopping
I’m at my sisters tonight. They left for Barcelona earlier today to visit my other sister and I’m minding the dog for a day. My youngest sister will take care of her for the rest of the week, since I can’t be away from home for so many nights. The cat would never forgive me.
The dos is licking my neck which is slighly annoying. She usually does that only when she is tired, but she seems active enough. Not as insanely energetic as usual, but still active enough. Hmm, spoken too early, I see. She’s actually fallen asleep.
Alright, so today I did prepare myself mentally and went shoe-shopping. In the end I got two pairs of shoes, two handbags and some make-up, since I didn’t really pack properly for this nighting out. Shopping is always a weird experience, since I’m still not certain of my style. There are the opposite ends of the feminine-elegant and the makeup-less, worn jeans and old t-shirts -style. Something in the middle would probably be good once again.
Oops, seems like not everyone else knows how to dress either. Andrea Merkel in TV right now in an absolutely hideous dress. A pink princess-dream, which an adult woman who wishes to be taken seriously should not be caught dead in. Hmm, that was perhaps a bit too categorical, but certain type of women really should not dress in little girly princess-dresses. Not that it really matters how a person dresses, but still clothes are part of the image and message you give out. If you are a public figure, you pretty much have to think about that kind of things too. We mere mortals are luckier.
I’m watching DW, since my sister has cable, which I don’t. There’s some program on about People & Politics and they want to know what the viewers think on the question “Do women approach politics in a different way than men?” They seem to think that Germany’s politics are going to turn into a “softer” direction just because Merkel is going to enter the chancellorship. Do they really think that women can’t be hard? Merkel or no Merkel – and that woman is hardly the softest in the world to have gotten so far – just the fact that the Green party is out and the Conservatives are in should tell anyone that the direction is not going to turn towards anything “softer”.
News in German. I can actually understand some of this. Excellent. There’s the Forum Junger Rechtshistoriker in Frankfurt next May; if I really put some effort into it, maybe I would actually be able to speak German there this time. That would be lovely.
There’s no point to my ramblings tonight, is there? Maybe I should just wake the dog up and take her out for a walk. Jep, Maija, wakey, wakey... Out we go...
The dos is licking my neck which is slighly annoying. She usually does that only when she is tired, but she seems active enough. Not as insanely energetic as usual, but still active enough. Hmm, spoken too early, I see. She’s actually fallen asleep.
Alright, so today I did prepare myself mentally and went shoe-shopping. In the end I got two pairs of shoes, two handbags and some make-up, since I didn’t really pack properly for this nighting out. Shopping is always a weird experience, since I’m still not certain of my style. There are the opposite ends of the feminine-elegant and the makeup-less, worn jeans and old t-shirts -style. Something in the middle would probably be good once again.
Oops, seems like not everyone else knows how to dress either. Andrea Merkel in TV right now in an absolutely hideous dress. A pink princess-dream, which an adult woman who wishes to be taken seriously should not be caught dead in. Hmm, that was perhaps a bit too categorical, but certain type of women really should not dress in little girly princess-dresses. Not that it really matters how a person dresses, but still clothes are part of the image and message you give out. If you are a public figure, you pretty much have to think about that kind of things too. We mere mortals are luckier.
I’m watching DW, since my sister has cable, which I don’t. There’s some program on about People & Politics and they want to know what the viewers think on the question “Do women approach politics in a different way than men?” They seem to think that Germany’s politics are going to turn into a “softer” direction just because Merkel is going to enter the chancellorship. Do they really think that women can’t be hard? Merkel or no Merkel – and that woman is hardly the softest in the world to have gotten so far – just the fact that the Green party is out and the Conservatives are in should tell anyone that the direction is not going to turn towards anything “softer”.
News in German. I can actually understand some of this. Excellent. There’s the Forum Junger Rechtshistoriker in Frankfurt next May; if I really put some effort into it, maybe I would actually be able to speak German there this time. That would be lovely.
There’s no point to my ramblings tonight, is there? Maybe I should just wake the dog up and take her out for a walk. Jep, Maija, wakey, wakey... Out we go...
lokakuuta 18, 2005
shoes and infanticide
I’m feeling lazy. Last week went by so fast and this one is threatening to do the same. I have a number of letters I should write, books to read, articles to translate, shopping to do for next week… We are going to Brussels, Luxemburg and Strasbourg, you see. Does that infamous triangle sound familiar? Yes, it’s the EU-tour of the research school and I am thinking I should be wearing something else than my jeans and sneakers. I have no shoes. I can regress back to the clothes I bought for my short spell in the ministry, but I have absolutely no shoes. Shoes are not my thing, which is why I end up wearing a pair until they disintegrate around my feet. For the current time of the year I have my sneakers and a pair of something brown, which used to belong to my sister and which say “woosh” when you walk around. Both of those options look alright only with my black jeans, which is why I have been wearing my jeans a lot lately. Aargh, I hate shoe-shopping. Shoes are ridiculously expensive. Seriously, if shoes look decent, they either cost a fortune or they will end up killing your feet. Maybe that’s why shoes exist: they hate their lives and get all they joy out of torturing feet. Or it’s a revenge thing against the smelly toes and all their wiggling. Oh well, no hope for it, I guess. But I’m not going shopping today; I’m just not mentally prepared.
What have I been doing today? Reading the general court records from 1800. I’m getting quite familiar with Carl Fredrik Krabbe who keeps asking the court if this or that person convicted of homicide can ask the king for clemency. These records won’t tell what happened to those people. Well, there was that one entry with an order from Stockholm to proceed with the execution of the death penalty: a maid convicted of killing her child. Most of the women who appear in these records are unwed women charged with killing their newborn babies. You didn’t want to find yourself pregnant in those times if you weren’t married; I can tell you that. It’s not just one or two women who decided to kill their little ones and risk the death penalty instead of raising the children in the society of those days. Different times, different values. Were you villains or victims, maid Carin Philipsdotter Philpula, maid Catharina Huttutar, crofter’s wife Maria Mattsdotter Klemola, sailor’s wife Maria Elisdotter Krook and you Valborg Tihotar, locked into a spinning house? Hmm, wives too – does that make you guiltier? What made you do it, Marias?
Those aren’t really my questions dissertation-wise, but I could actually do that. A micro-historical study – an article – about infanticide and the criminal reforms of the enlightenment era, taking the case of one of these women as the starting point. Or a more mentality-oriented study, maybe a sort of a discourse-analysis thingy – the court records and what they tell of the establishment’s / society’s attitudes towards women having children out of wedlock. Oh whee, I’m seriously starting to see the point in doing research still when I’m a gray-haired old little granny and surrounded by a cat-farm.
I will write that article. Not right now, since I have a million other things to do and the dissertation to finish before they stop paying me, but I bloody well will do it. Another ooohhh, if this Norfa-thing is still about practicing to write international articles I know what I will be talking about in April in Iceland. Yay.
Happy, happy joy joy. Okay, enough rejoicing, now home. But first I must wrap up my gorgeous Tilly-pictures, so I can get them home safe and sound. And dry. I put one up on my wall here at work. I must admit it is a weeeee bit distracting, but I’ll give it a chance.
What have I been doing today? Reading the general court records from 1800. I’m getting quite familiar with Carl Fredrik Krabbe who keeps asking the court if this or that person convicted of homicide can ask the king for clemency. These records won’t tell what happened to those people. Well, there was that one entry with an order from Stockholm to proceed with the execution of the death penalty: a maid convicted of killing her child. Most of the women who appear in these records are unwed women charged with killing their newborn babies. You didn’t want to find yourself pregnant in those times if you weren’t married; I can tell you that. It’s not just one or two women who decided to kill their little ones and risk the death penalty instead of raising the children in the society of those days. Different times, different values. Were you villains or victims, maid Carin Philipsdotter Philpula, maid Catharina Huttutar, crofter’s wife Maria Mattsdotter Klemola, sailor’s wife Maria Elisdotter Krook and you Valborg Tihotar, locked into a spinning house? Hmm, wives too – does that make you guiltier? What made you do it, Marias?
Those aren’t really my questions dissertation-wise, but I could actually do that. A micro-historical study – an article – about infanticide and the criminal reforms of the enlightenment era, taking the case of one of these women as the starting point. Or a more mentality-oriented study, maybe a sort of a discourse-analysis thingy – the court records and what they tell of the establishment’s / society’s attitudes towards women having children out of wedlock. Oh whee, I’m seriously starting to see the point in doing research still when I’m a gray-haired old little granny and surrounded by a cat-farm.
I will write that article. Not right now, since I have a million other things to do and the dissertation to finish before they stop paying me, but I bloody well will do it. Another ooohhh, if this Norfa-thing is still about practicing to write international articles I know what I will be talking about in April in Iceland. Yay.
Happy, happy joy joy. Okay, enough rejoicing, now home. But first I must wrap up my gorgeous Tilly-pictures, so I can get them home safe and sound. And dry. I put one up on my wall here at work. I must admit it is a weeeee bit distracting, but I’ll give it a chance.
lokakuuta 12, 2005
Hullut päivät
”Hullut päivät” are here again (that’s the biannual sale of one of the biggest department stores in Finland for those of you, who have never seen the people take to the streets with their yellow plastic bags). I remembered again why I never venture beyond the first floor during the Hullut päivät. I am not that keen on crowds and during the three days there are always plenty. I got some CD’s – S.O.A.D. and Maija Vilkkumaa and...da-daa...Benzin. Having listened to it once I can say that the re-mixes are even worse than I thought, the original is fine but I already had it, nice pics on the booklet but had seen those too and the booklet itself is a cardboard (?) one. The Apocalyptica remix is still called Kerosinii, so no answer to the question whether that is a misspelling or a deliberate choice.
I also got the latest edition of Soundi with a long article about R+. It’s nice, with some good snippets of information, but not the best of interviews – Paul talks a lot, but doesn’t say terribly much this time. I promised to translate it, too.
I also bought some books: Umberto Eco’s “Foucault’s Pendulum”, which sounds fascinating, The Chronicles of Narnia, which I have managed not to read this far, and...a second da-daa...Kalevala, which I also haven’t read. Such gaps in one’s education. I’ve read more of Iliad than of Kalevala, tschk, tschk me. Another question is of course when I will have time to read all these books.
So music, books and chocolate, and some more chocolate, and still more chocolate, and lemon liquorice. Who needs anything else?
I also got the latest edition of Soundi with a long article about R+. It’s nice, with some good snippets of information, but not the best of interviews – Paul talks a lot, but doesn’t say terribly much this time. I promised to translate it, too.
I also bought some books: Umberto Eco’s “Foucault’s Pendulum”, which sounds fascinating, The Chronicles of Narnia, which I have managed not to read this far, and...a second da-daa...Kalevala, which I also haven’t read. Such gaps in one’s education. I’ve read more of Iliad than of Kalevala, tschk, tschk me. Another question is of course when I will have time to read all these books.
So music, books and chocolate, and some more chocolate, and still more chocolate, and lemon liquorice. Who needs anything else?
lokakuuta 11, 2005
process writing
It was so foggy this morning that I could hardly see anything from the window. For a moment I wondered whether it was snowing outside. But no, still as warm as it has been for weeks. It is – as the venerable newspaper tells us – so warm that this kind of weather in October occurs only once in about a hundred years.
I went to work a little later than usual and walked to the railway station in Myyrmäki. The teenagers of the local junior highschool were on recess and I had a sudden horrid 80’s flashback. Some of their clothes were really…..weird. Or maybe I’m just getting old.
This was again one of those not the most productive of days – I had lunch with E, coffee with H and practised my Swedish. That’s useful isn’t it? Languages are always important. Right? Even if the practise consists of translating you know what. The net community was happy. ;-)
Thankfully we did also have the post-graduate seminar today. Nothing strictly scientific, but a lecture on process writing instead. Some excellent suggestions, which I am going to try out tomorrow. Let’s see if I can draw mind maps. Maybe I could figure out whether there is some point in my idea for the third, appeal-chapter; I had thought of concentrating on the process of establishing the correctness of a court case and on how during different times it has been understood to be possible to arrive at the truth. What is the “measuring stick” against which you scrutinise an appealed case during the era of law of nature? How do the changes in the epistemology of truth – can one say so – affect the superior courts? It’s such a mess in my head still. First thing I should do is probably to read Kevät’s book again and see how much exactly she has written about all of that already. I don’t remember, but obviously I can’t be redoing what she has already done.
There is always talk about time management during process writing -courses too. It got me seriously thinking about my working hours on my way to home. I am completely free to decide when I work. If I would wish to sleep during the days and work at night I could do that. That’s not what I want, but I could live more accordingly to my natural rhythm. During holidays I tend to go to bed after midnight and get up later. I could do that. And I have trouble concentrating on reading at work, which is why I could read at home. It seems to be the easiest for me to read during the evenings, whereas writing is better in the morning. Afternoons are not so good for me concerning anything that requires brains. Maybe I could seriously try that. Get up a little later, go to work for maybe four hours, then do some sports, fiction, have a life, and then read for another three to four hours during the evenings. Ooh, that sounds rather brilliant. I would try it already tomorrow, but there’s the compa-seminar on the afternoon and I’m going. I can’t do it on Thursday either, because there is the movie and on Friday we are going to Imatra again; well, next week then.
Ok, I’ll try to do some translating again before I fall asleep.
I went to work a little later than usual and walked to the railway station in Myyrmäki. The teenagers of the local junior highschool were on recess and I had a sudden horrid 80’s flashback. Some of their clothes were really…..weird. Or maybe I’m just getting old.
This was again one of those not the most productive of days – I had lunch with E, coffee with H and practised my Swedish. That’s useful isn’t it? Languages are always important. Right? Even if the practise consists of translating you know what. The net community was happy. ;-)
Thankfully we did also have the post-graduate seminar today. Nothing strictly scientific, but a lecture on process writing instead. Some excellent suggestions, which I am going to try out tomorrow. Let’s see if I can draw mind maps. Maybe I could figure out whether there is some point in my idea for the third, appeal-chapter; I had thought of concentrating on the process of establishing the correctness of a court case and on how during different times it has been understood to be possible to arrive at the truth. What is the “measuring stick” against which you scrutinise an appealed case during the era of law of nature? How do the changes in the epistemology of truth – can one say so – affect the superior courts? It’s such a mess in my head still. First thing I should do is probably to read Kevät’s book again and see how much exactly she has written about all of that already. I don’t remember, but obviously I can’t be redoing what she has already done.
There is always talk about time management during process writing -courses too. It got me seriously thinking about my working hours on my way to home. I am completely free to decide when I work. If I would wish to sleep during the days and work at night I could do that. That’s not what I want, but I could live more accordingly to my natural rhythm. During holidays I tend to go to bed after midnight and get up later. I could do that. And I have trouble concentrating on reading at work, which is why I could read at home. It seems to be the easiest for me to read during the evenings, whereas writing is better in the morning. Afternoons are not so good for me concerning anything that requires brains. Maybe I could seriously try that. Get up a little later, go to work for maybe four hours, then do some sports, fiction, have a life, and then read for another three to four hours during the evenings. Ooh, that sounds rather brilliant. I would try it already tomorrow, but there’s the compa-seminar on the afternoon and I’m going. I can’t do it on Thursday either, because there is the movie and on Friday we are going to Imatra again; well, next week then.
Ok, I’ll try to do some translating again before I fall asleep.
lokakuuta 10, 2005
The Archive pics
Here is finally an example of the pics I took at the Land-archives in Vaasa a couple of weeks ago. I've just spent a couple of hours trying to decipher few of the pages. Somewhat slow going I must say ;-).
lokakuuta 09, 2005
daydreaming and decisions
One can’t be busy and dutiful all the time, can one? I was yesterday; I read a book about history of human rights and part of an anthology – can you call a selection of scientific writings an anthology? – about enlightenment (Horkheimer, Foucault, Habermas, those dudes). More than 350 pages altogether – I was rather pleased with myself. I had the best plans to continue today with another 300-pager about the intellectual foundations of modern culture, but somehow I haven’t managed a page yet.
I got up at ten, fed the cat and spent nearly two hours having breakfast, reading the paper and generally day-dreaming. Then I was slowly heading towards the couch and the modernity-book, when my sister sent me a SMS and asked whether I’d be interested in going to my other sister’s this evening to make pizza. I contemplated for an entire second and replied promptly that sure, I’ll come. I looked at the watch, realised that there was no way I was going to be able to read that entire book today and decided that I might as well do something more relaxing first and possibly skim the book later.
This entire messaging and decision-making had interrupted a terribly important and lively discussion going on in my head. I can’t remember anymore what exactly it had to do with, but as a result I was forced to open the computer and go through most of my Rammstein-picture collection. I think it probably had something to do with men and how they can look at their best. Since now there was no way I was going to be able to get knowledgeable enough about Mr. Dupré’s ideas about enlightenment’s effects on modernity, I decided to watch a couple of concert shots too, and both of the long MTV Rammstein-specials. And the VIVA-one so it wouldn’t have felt neglected.
And now it is nearly four o'clock. I have managed to feed myself, enforce my Rammsteinian-addiction, finish a number of Japanese puzzles (another obsession in making) and... well, I suppose that’s it, but does one really need to do more on a Sunday? Even if there is a seminar one is supposed to be teaching Monday at 8 o’clock? But it’s not like I actually HAVE to give the students this book to read. They have plenty already and this is definitely another one of those “old, dead, smart guys” books. The course is supposed to be history, not philosophy or theory after all. Yeah, they are not getting this book! I’m keeping it; I’ll just read it for myself later. You can thank Rammstein for not having to go through 300 pages of Kant, Lessing, Heidegger and Herder, children.
- Oh dear, just because you are drooling after...
- SHUT UP!
- Ouch, woman! Save my ears! What’s the big deal, everyone knows that...
- Everyone knows nothing. And let’s keep it that way. Did you have a point?
- I was just commenting on the fickleness of your decision making. How on the basis of your...on the basis of something so completely irrelevant you make decisions like these.
- So?
- So nothing. I just thought it was interesting.
- Well, life is.
- Fine.
- Fine.
I got up at ten, fed the cat and spent nearly two hours having breakfast, reading the paper and generally day-dreaming. Then I was slowly heading towards the couch and the modernity-book, when my sister sent me a SMS and asked whether I’d be interested in going to my other sister’s this evening to make pizza. I contemplated for an entire second and replied promptly that sure, I’ll come. I looked at the watch, realised that there was no way I was going to be able to read that entire book today and decided that I might as well do something more relaxing first and possibly skim the book later.
This entire messaging and decision-making had interrupted a terribly important and lively discussion going on in my head. I can’t remember anymore what exactly it had to do with, but as a result I was forced to open the computer and go through most of my Rammstein-picture collection. I think it probably had something to do with men and how they can look at their best. Since now there was no way I was going to be able to get knowledgeable enough about Mr. Dupré’s ideas about enlightenment’s effects on modernity, I decided to watch a couple of concert shots too, and both of the long MTV Rammstein-specials. And the VIVA-one so it wouldn’t have felt neglected.
And now it is nearly four o'clock. I have managed to feed myself, enforce my Rammsteinian-addiction, finish a number of Japanese puzzles (another obsession in making) and... well, I suppose that’s it, but does one really need to do more on a Sunday? Even if there is a seminar one is supposed to be teaching Monday at 8 o’clock? But it’s not like I actually HAVE to give the students this book to read. They have plenty already and this is definitely another one of those “old, dead, smart guys” books. The course is supposed to be history, not philosophy or theory after all. Yeah, they are not getting this book! I’m keeping it; I’ll just read it for myself later. You can thank Rammstein for not having to go through 300 pages of Kant, Lessing, Heidegger and Herder, children.
- Oh dear, just because you are drooling after...
- SHUT UP!
- Ouch, woman! Save my ears! What’s the big deal, everyone knows that...
- Everyone knows nothing. And let’s keep it that way. Did you have a point?
- I was just commenting on the fickleness of your decision making. How on the basis of your...on the basis of something so completely irrelevant you make decisions like these.
- So?
- So nothing. I just thought it was interesting.
- Well, life is.
- Fine.
- Fine.
lokakuuta 07, 2005
Benzin
Rammstein’s new single was supposed to be out today, but the stores were a big black hole. They told me to come back next week, around Wednesday or so. Buahaa, I wanted the single today, not next week. I don’t particularly like singles, I have no interest in remixes and I have heard Benzin already a number of times. It’s not even among my favourite Rammstein-songs by a long stretch, but still I wanted it.
So no Benzin; one good interview though, with Schneider. He has such smart things to say.
In addition to this being the day of Benzin with no Benzin, today was also about the last day of the drama course. The plays were excellent again. My group had gotten their togas out and I think they had managed to incorporate the legal elements into their play better than any of the groups I have seen in three years. It was still funny, and so was the play of the other group too. Theirs was about bastards, murder and an inheritance in 15th century Florence. Drama courses are possibly the best form of teaching there is – at least they are the funniest by far.
We also decided to switch the cases for the Enlightenment course since I won’t be here during the last session. So that means that I have to have my second case ready for Monday. I wrote the first version today, so that’s no problem. What is the problem is the fact that I haven’t really read anything about the human rights -development or the entire modernity-discussion yet. If I wish to do things properly I ought to read three-four books before Monday morning. I think I know what I will be doing this weekend.
So no Benzin; one good interview though, with Schneider. He has such smart things to say.
In addition to this being the day of Benzin with no Benzin, today was also about the last day of the drama course. The plays were excellent again. My group had gotten their togas out and I think they had managed to incorporate the legal elements into their play better than any of the groups I have seen in three years. It was still funny, and so was the play of the other group too. Theirs was about bastards, murder and an inheritance in 15th century Florence. Drama courses are possibly the best form of teaching there is – at least they are the funniest by far.
We also decided to switch the cases for the Enlightenment course since I won’t be here during the last session. So that means that I have to have my second case ready for Monday. I wrote the first version today, so that’s no problem. What is the problem is the fact that I haven’t really read anything about the human rights -development or the entire modernity-discussion yet. If I wish to do things properly I ought to read three-four books before Monday morning. I think I know what I will be doing this weekend.
lokakuuta 06, 2005
non-heteronormative violence
Not the most productive of days, but I try to get something read still today. I have a big stack of books just waiting for me... I think they are getting lonely and bored all alone.
Kristiina Insitute for Women’s Studies and a few other organisers had arranged a seminar on non-heteronormative violence and I went to listen to the first session. The guest speaker was Lori Girshick from the States who was talking about her book "Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence: Does She Call It Rape” which was as the title suggests about sexual abuse in a Lesbian context. It was a very good presentation.
She’s a sociologist, so she had of course some interesting case data. What got me thinking though, was what she said about the need for concepts and context through which to interpret something that has happened. She was talking about women who had been sexually assaulted by other women and who could not properly deal with what had happened since – at least prior to her book – the whole issue was more or less ignored. There was no terminology for lesbian rape. Does that mean that if there are no concepts, no context, an event “has not happened”; that what has happened is something that the pre-existing concepts do cover? Because we value things through concepts it is not totally irrelevant, whether we talk of abuse or rape, teasing or bullying, improper behaviour or harassment and so on.
She was also talking about the need to acknowledge the fact that women can be violent too. That there are women, who are just as capable of jealousy, obsessive behaviour and violence as men; that being in the company of women does not guarantee that you are “safe”. This may not be very PC (that’s “politically correct” – did someone say you won’t learn new things reading Rammstein-interviews), but I started to wonder whether we create “the violent woman” in the process of acknowledging women’s violence. With men there is the tendency to start from the assumption that many men are prone to violence and accept that with a sort of “boys will be boys” –mentality. Isn’t there the danger of doing the same for women in this process? Do we create something new or do we just acknowledge what already exists, but is hidden and unspoken? Would it be possible by acknowledging women’s violence to put the focus on non-violence as the norm for both genders and see the violent behaviour as a real deviation? No more of the tacit acceptance that the media spreads?
I haven’t processed that thoroughly, but maybe you get what I mean. I also had an idea during that seminar for a possible story. I think I’ll write it. If it ends up being a short story, then it will, but I want to see if I can write something with a real plot. Beginning, middle and an end; something other than just random thoughts.
I actually found one of my old random thoughts –writings today. I was looking for an old version of my licentiate thesis and I came across it by accident – I had completely forgotten about ever writing that. I rather liked it, but it reminded me of the days when I wasn’t that happy with life or myself. I had already posted it on my other blog, but then I went and deleted it. I'm practising self-criticism in a good sense ;-) Sometimes it's good to remember to keep some things to oneself.
Alrighty, if I am going to still read something today, it has to be now. What is there...
Kristiina Insitute for Women’s Studies and a few other organisers had arranged a seminar on non-heteronormative violence and I went to listen to the first session. The guest speaker was Lori Girshick from the States who was talking about her book "Woman-to-Woman Sexual Violence: Does She Call It Rape” which was as the title suggests about sexual abuse in a Lesbian context. It was a very good presentation.
She’s a sociologist, so she had of course some interesting case data. What got me thinking though, was what she said about the need for concepts and context through which to interpret something that has happened. She was talking about women who had been sexually assaulted by other women and who could not properly deal with what had happened since – at least prior to her book – the whole issue was more or less ignored. There was no terminology for lesbian rape. Does that mean that if there are no concepts, no context, an event “has not happened”; that what has happened is something that the pre-existing concepts do cover? Because we value things through concepts it is not totally irrelevant, whether we talk of abuse or rape, teasing or bullying, improper behaviour or harassment and so on.
She was also talking about the need to acknowledge the fact that women can be violent too. That there are women, who are just as capable of jealousy, obsessive behaviour and violence as men; that being in the company of women does not guarantee that you are “safe”. This may not be very PC (that’s “politically correct” – did someone say you won’t learn new things reading Rammstein-interviews), but I started to wonder whether we create “the violent woman” in the process of acknowledging women’s violence. With men there is the tendency to start from the assumption that many men are prone to violence and accept that with a sort of “boys will be boys” –mentality. Isn’t there the danger of doing the same for women in this process? Do we create something new or do we just acknowledge what already exists, but is hidden and unspoken? Would it be possible by acknowledging women’s violence to put the focus on non-violence as the norm for both genders and see the violent behaviour as a real deviation? No more of the tacit acceptance that the media spreads?
I haven’t processed that thoroughly, but maybe you get what I mean. I also had an idea during that seminar for a possible story. I think I’ll write it. If it ends up being a short story, then it will, but I want to see if I can write something with a real plot. Beginning, middle and an end; something other than just random thoughts.
I actually found one of my old random thoughts –writings today. I was looking for an old version of my licentiate thesis and I came across it by accident – I had completely forgotten about ever writing that. I rather liked it, but it reminded me of the days when I wasn’t that happy with life or myself. I had already posted it on my other blog, but then I went and deleted it. I'm practising self-criticism in a good sense ;-) Sometimes it's good to remember to keep some things to oneself.
Alrighty, if I am going to still read something today, it has to be now. What is there...
lokakuuta 05, 2005
Cats and dogs
I had a good day again today. It was a beautiful day too – really warm considering the time of year.
I met Rasmus – the most adorable little puppy in the world. He’s a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier (now isn’t that a mouthful). If I were to get a dog, I think I might just want one like him. Somehow I doubt that the cat would be very happy to get a dog for a friend though. And my days are too often too long, for it to be fair for a dog. Cats manage better alone, although I can tell that the cat likes company too.
I finished the book about the Enemies of Enlightenment and started an article about legal certainty, which gave me an idea for the third chapter of my dissertation. I also started to appreciate more the need to really process what you read. I am not incapable of producing ideas if I take the time to think. Gives one confidence, that kind of thing. I really am glad to be back at the university.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy just started. I just realised that I’ve never seen this from the beginning. I think I’ll stop thinking now. Queer eye and Japanese puzzles for tonight. And tea with honey. Yay!
I met Rasmus – the most adorable little puppy in the world. He’s a Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier (now isn’t that a mouthful). If I were to get a dog, I think I might just want one like him. Somehow I doubt that the cat would be very happy to get a dog for a friend though. And my days are too often too long, for it to be fair for a dog. Cats manage better alone, although I can tell that the cat likes company too.
I finished the book about the Enemies of Enlightenment and started an article about legal certainty, which gave me an idea for the third chapter of my dissertation. I also started to appreciate more the need to really process what you read. I am not incapable of producing ideas if I take the time to think. Gives one confidence, that kind of thing. I really am glad to be back at the university.
Queer Eye for the Straight Guy just started. I just realised that I’ve never seen this from the beginning. I think I’ll stop thinking now. Queer eye and Japanese puzzles for tonight. And tea with honey. Yay!
lokakuuta 04, 2005
Rumours
Hot shower, tea with honey, apple pie with whipped cream – what could be better? Half of the Enemies of Enlightenment read and I am feeling good about myself. A girl in the TV who sounds like me. I have started to like documentaries. I am feeling happy this evening.
I started to think about what I wrote earlier today. About rumours and spreading them. Is it enough to mention that a thing is a rumour, if you pass it on anyway? Especially as publicly (potentially) as here. Is one allowed to trust in the readers and their capability to question and weigh things for themselves? There have always been people who believe that something is true if it is written down. No matter if it is written critically and questioned, they still think that there must be an essence of truth behind it. In this one may safely assume that the human nature is not very quick to change.
Does that mean that the writer must always take responsibility for those of her/his readers who do not read critically? Maybe it is not possible to answer that categorically one way or the other. One has to weigh the reasons behind spreading rumours with the consequences that accepting them uncritically or misunderstanding them can cause. The reasons, the intent can also mean the difference between spreading rumours and discussing them. It is impossible to judge the validity or invalidity of the rumour without investigating the arguments for and against its truthfulness. If you do not do that, then we are closer to just spreading rumours and in order for that to be acceptable, the reasons behind the action have to be acceptable as well.
...The cat IS interested in the animals on TV. There’s a program on about smuggling of dogs or something like that and she is watching it again. How weird. And I’m weird because I feel guilty changing the channel when the cat is watching the dog-program...
Yeah, but back to rumours. Is it enough that one’s intent is not malicious in spreading rumours? That is such an easy excuse: “I didn’t really mean anything bad by it...” No, I suppose that’s not enough. What then constitutes an acceptable reason? It is very difficult to speak of spreading knowledge when passing on rumours, since the accuracy of the facts is questionable in the first place. One may perhaps speak of spreading information, since information does not have to be correct. That is not really an answer though, since what is spreading rumours by that kind of definition other than spreading information. So again it is acceptable only if your intentions are acceptable.
One of the most important reasons for spreading rumours in the sense of gossiping is said to be the strengthening of a group’s solidarity. But what about spreading rumours when there is no social group? Or is there always one, even if it is an imaginary one? Do we create the group in our mind, even when its existence is not apparent?
Does any of this lead anywhere? Except the moral lesson that one ought to be more careful when talking about things, which accuracy one is not sure of.
I started to think about what I wrote earlier today. About rumours and spreading them. Is it enough to mention that a thing is a rumour, if you pass it on anyway? Especially as publicly (potentially) as here. Is one allowed to trust in the readers and their capability to question and weigh things for themselves? There have always been people who believe that something is true if it is written down. No matter if it is written critically and questioned, they still think that there must be an essence of truth behind it. In this one may safely assume that the human nature is not very quick to change.
Does that mean that the writer must always take responsibility for those of her/his readers who do not read critically? Maybe it is not possible to answer that categorically one way or the other. One has to weigh the reasons behind spreading rumours with the consequences that accepting them uncritically or misunderstanding them can cause. The reasons, the intent can also mean the difference between spreading rumours and discussing them. It is impossible to judge the validity or invalidity of the rumour without investigating the arguments for and against its truthfulness. If you do not do that, then we are closer to just spreading rumours and in order for that to be acceptable, the reasons behind the action have to be acceptable as well.
...The cat IS interested in the animals on TV. There’s a program on about smuggling of dogs or something like that and she is watching it again. How weird. And I’m weird because I feel guilty changing the channel when the cat is watching the dog-program...
Yeah, but back to rumours. Is it enough that one’s intent is not malicious in spreading rumours? That is such an easy excuse: “I didn’t really mean anything bad by it...” No, I suppose that’s not enough. What then constitutes an acceptable reason? It is very difficult to speak of spreading knowledge when passing on rumours, since the accuracy of the facts is questionable in the first place. One may perhaps speak of spreading information, since information does not have to be correct. That is not really an answer though, since what is spreading rumours by that kind of definition other than spreading information. So again it is acceptable only if your intentions are acceptable.
One of the most important reasons for spreading rumours in the sense of gossiping is said to be the strengthening of a group’s solidarity. But what about spreading rumours when there is no social group? Or is there always one, even if it is an imaginary one? Do we create the group in our mind, even when its existence is not apparent?
Does any of this lead anywhere? Except the moral lesson that one ought to be more careful when talking about things, which accuracy one is not sure of.
Evaluation
There is an evaluation of the university’s research activities going on and we’ve been asked to stay at work until 17.00 in case the evaluators will come to visit the institute. I doubt I would be here otherwise anymore. I came early again because of the enlightenment-course and even though I took the time to write a non-work related letter after it, I still think the day has been long enough. I could use the time to read, but I’m so tired again that I start to fall asleep as soon as I’ve managed a page or two. I doubt the evaluators will even come, but who knows.
I hope that they are at least being thorough with the rest of the faculty. I heard a rumour today, that one of them wouldn’t be taking the job very seriously and would be using this opportunity basically for tourism and advancing own research interests. Their report has an influence on how much money we will be getting, so it’s rather troubling if one of the evaluators won’t take part in the whole process. I wonder if it would be good or bad for the faculty if I should mention about this in the odd chance that I should ran again into some of the people in the money-distributing end. Is it the task of the university to control that the people evaluating them are doing their job properly? Hmm, maybe it is just a rumour, a misunderstanding, and the person in question is busy evaluating and not taking sightseeing tours. One may hope.
Another fifteen minutes and then I’m going home. I have Bernhard Schlink’s the Reader with me and I think I will be able to finish it in the train. I remember that French girl speaking about it in Frankfurt. When was it, three years ago? I don’t remember her name anymore, but I think it must have been that afternoon we went to visit the Goethe-museum. She had heard a rumour – always rumours – that Bernhard Schlink was really M. S. Or was it that M. S. was really the man in the book, Michael Berg? Yes, I think that was it, that Schlink was writing the story of his friend M. S., when he was writing about Michael and Hanna. I doubt it’s true. I cannot see anything of the book’s Michael in the other one.
I like the book. It doesn’t flow easily and it is not always easy to lose oneself in it, but I think it may be partly the translations fault. I’m sure it would be better to read it in German, but I don’t quite trust my language skills yet. I’ve read two books in German by now, but they were rather easy ones. I’m still at about page ten with that book by Imre Kertész I started months ago and I think Schlink is probably more in his league than the other two. Oh, who knows, who cares. I’m reading it in English and that’s all there is to it. The book is about dealing with guilt (personal and collective), building identities, feeling abandoned and hurt by love. One of them books that deserves contemplation. I probably ought to finish it though before I start analysing it too much.
Yup, it’s five o’clock. The evaluators – I hear – were here for about two minutes, but they never made a tour or wanted to talk to the researchers. It would be interesting to know if they were all here or not. I’ll ask tomorrow – maybe – but now I’ll go home, see what else I got from the library yesterday and eat some of the apple pie I baked.
- Tschk, girl, you were supposed to finish that book about the enemies of Enlightenment!
- I’ll read it tomorrow. There’s still almost two hundred pages to go and I am too tired to read it today.
- You’ve been too tired for the past five days, you lazy buffoon. Take it home! No touching Schlink or apple pie before you’ve read at least half of it.
- Come on! I’ve been at work for almost nine and a half hours already.
- Yep, out of which you have spent more than four doing something that doesn’t really smack of work. Right? Am I right or wrong? Huh? Right?
- Fine, I’ll read half of it, but not a word more.
- That a girl.
- OH, SHUT UP!!!
I hope that they are at least being thorough with the rest of the faculty. I heard a rumour today, that one of them wouldn’t be taking the job very seriously and would be using this opportunity basically for tourism and advancing own research interests. Their report has an influence on how much money we will be getting, so it’s rather troubling if one of the evaluators won’t take part in the whole process. I wonder if it would be good or bad for the faculty if I should mention about this in the odd chance that I should ran again into some of the people in the money-distributing end. Is it the task of the university to control that the people evaluating them are doing their job properly? Hmm, maybe it is just a rumour, a misunderstanding, and the person in question is busy evaluating and not taking sightseeing tours. One may hope.
Another fifteen minutes and then I’m going home. I have Bernhard Schlink’s the Reader with me and I think I will be able to finish it in the train. I remember that French girl speaking about it in Frankfurt. When was it, three years ago? I don’t remember her name anymore, but I think it must have been that afternoon we went to visit the Goethe-museum. She had heard a rumour – always rumours – that Bernhard Schlink was really M. S. Or was it that M. S. was really the man in the book, Michael Berg? Yes, I think that was it, that Schlink was writing the story of his friend M. S., when he was writing about Michael and Hanna. I doubt it’s true. I cannot see anything of the book’s Michael in the other one.
I like the book. It doesn’t flow easily and it is not always easy to lose oneself in it, but I think it may be partly the translations fault. I’m sure it would be better to read it in German, but I don’t quite trust my language skills yet. I’ve read two books in German by now, but they were rather easy ones. I’m still at about page ten with that book by Imre Kertész I started months ago and I think Schlink is probably more in his league than the other two. Oh, who knows, who cares. I’m reading it in English and that’s all there is to it. The book is about dealing with guilt (personal and collective), building identities, feeling abandoned and hurt by love. One of them books that deserves contemplation. I probably ought to finish it though before I start analysing it too much.
Yup, it’s five o’clock. The evaluators – I hear – were here for about two minutes, but they never made a tour or wanted to talk to the researchers. It would be interesting to know if they were all here or not. I’ll ask tomorrow – maybe – but now I’ll go home, see what else I got from the library yesterday and eat some of the apple pie I baked.
- Tschk, girl, you were supposed to finish that book about the enemies of Enlightenment!
- I’ll read it tomorrow. There’s still almost two hundred pages to go and I am too tired to read it today.
- You’ve been too tired for the past five days, you lazy buffoon. Take it home! No touching Schlink or apple pie before you’ve read at least half of it.
- Come on! I’ve been at work for almost nine and a half hours already.
- Yep, out of which you have spent more than four doing something that doesn’t really smack of work. Right? Am I right or wrong? Huh? Right?
- Fine, I’ll read half of it, but not a word more.
- That a girl.
- OH, SHUT UP!!!
lokakuuta 01, 2005
Interior decorating
The cat just spent about twenty minutes watching a nature documentary. I don’t know if she was interested in the sounds or the animals. I thought it was the birds at first, but she seemed to like the elephants and foxes just as much. Detective stories clearly aren’t her thing; she left as soon as the documentary was over.
I shouldn’t start to watch this either. It’s almost eight o’clock, so it’s time for sauna. Well, it was later than I thought. I’m back now, all fresh and clean. Going to sauna is always just as good and relaxing – well, figuratively speaking anyway: it can hardly be just as good and relaxing every single time. The sauna in our building isn’t the most comfortable in the world; it’s clean, it’s functional, but it has kind of clinical, cold feeling about it. Well, it’s still a sauna.
There’s a Jude Law –movie on TV tonight, but I don’t know if I am too tired to watch it. We did have the party yesterday and it was just after one o’clock before I was home; before I was ready for bed it was closer to two. I didn’t have anywhere to go this morning, but I couldn’t sleep anymore after nine. So I got up, discovered that there is something wrong with my toaster, that most of the tomatoes had already gone bad, read the newspaper and had to tell the cat to move just once. The kitchen table is almost the only place from where she can look out, so she is allowed there. It’s slightly annoying only when I’m trying to read the paper and she feels like she absolutely has to be petted. Or when she gets interested in the food.
We went to Ikea today – and were not the only ones there. The lines were still moderately short and I don’t think we stood there for more than 10-15 minutes. I didn’t get anything big: a small rug, light bulbs, batteries, that sort of stuff. I haven’t managed to come back from there with so little in a long time. My apartment is really starting to look like a model case for Ikea.
I think I need to do something to my house, but I’m still not really sure what my style is. The living room especially needs something, since it’s where I spend most of my time. I need a proper desk, an armchair or two and paintings, maybe. The aquarium might look better as well, if there were actually water and fishes in it. And a stereo, I need a stereo. Maybe I ought to spend a little. New curtains for the kitchen and painting that section above the window, I think that might do the trick there. The kitchen can be the new red room, not the living room. I’d planned it to be blue when I moved, but I never got around to it, since my couch is red. But that’s no big deal. I don’t need a new couch, since it is one of those Ikea-ones the fabric of which you can change. Other than that I don’t really need to get rid of anything else. Yeah, I do think I will spend a little.
Yaaaaaawwwnnn, getting...more...tired, but I think I’ll try to watch the movie anyway.
I shouldn’t start to watch this either. It’s almost eight o’clock, so it’s time for sauna. Well, it was later than I thought. I’m back now, all fresh and clean. Going to sauna is always just as good and relaxing – well, figuratively speaking anyway: it can hardly be just as good and relaxing every single time. The sauna in our building isn’t the most comfortable in the world; it’s clean, it’s functional, but it has kind of clinical, cold feeling about it. Well, it’s still a sauna.
There’s a Jude Law –movie on TV tonight, but I don’t know if I am too tired to watch it. We did have the party yesterday and it was just after one o’clock before I was home; before I was ready for bed it was closer to two. I didn’t have anywhere to go this morning, but I couldn’t sleep anymore after nine. So I got up, discovered that there is something wrong with my toaster, that most of the tomatoes had already gone bad, read the newspaper and had to tell the cat to move just once. The kitchen table is almost the only place from where she can look out, so she is allowed there. It’s slightly annoying only when I’m trying to read the paper and she feels like she absolutely has to be petted. Or when she gets interested in the food.
We went to Ikea today – and were not the only ones there. The lines were still moderately short and I don’t think we stood there for more than 10-15 minutes. I didn’t get anything big: a small rug, light bulbs, batteries, that sort of stuff. I haven’t managed to come back from there with so little in a long time. My apartment is really starting to look like a model case for Ikea.
I think I need to do something to my house, but I’m still not really sure what my style is. The living room especially needs something, since it’s where I spend most of my time. I need a proper desk, an armchair or two and paintings, maybe. The aquarium might look better as well, if there were actually water and fishes in it. And a stereo, I need a stereo. Maybe I ought to spend a little. New curtains for the kitchen and painting that section above the window, I think that might do the trick there. The kitchen can be the new red room, not the living room. I’d planned it to be blue when I moved, but I never got around to it, since my couch is red. But that’s no big deal. I don’t need a new couch, since it is one of those Ikea-ones the fabric of which you can change. Other than that I don’t really need to get rid of anything else. Yeah, I do think I will spend a little.
Yaaaaaawwwnnn, getting...more...tired, but I think I’ll try to watch the movie anyway.
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