I'm back!

Gosh, I've been gone for nearly three weeks! Pheew! Well, I'll try to be a good girl from now on and write here a bit more often.

I came back from Barcelona late last wednesday. A week of sunshine and warmth, parks and beaches, museums, churches, art and architecture, tapas, sangria, carajillos and pastries behind me. It was GOOOOOD! Especially the sunshine.

The first couple of days the temperature was still below twenty, but on the best days it got to somewhere around 23 degrees. When I left Finland Tuesday morning, it was in the freezing weather of -12 degrees, so I rather enjoyed the difference. In Barcelona it was also easy to notice how people in different parts of the world are accustomed to different weather. You could see tourists there enjoying the weather in t-shirts and some even in shorts; the locals on the other hand were sporting heavy winter coats and shoes. Winter coats in a weather the likes of which you can expect here in June or July...

I don't still have too many pics to show, since the CD on which I loaded the pics, claims to be empty. I may have to wait until I get the pictures from my sister's computer, which may take quite a long time. There are a meagre six or seven pics on my photobucket, so those who know and remember the address can go and check them out. Most of the good pics are still to come though, since there really was quite a lot to see.

Montjuïc and Park Güell ended up being my favourite places. Montjuïc is a beautiful tall hill, on which you can find beautiful parks, museums and an old 18th century castle (and for instance the Olympic Stadium which failed to interest me in the least). I did however spend two days up near the castle, on a beautiful place overlooking the sea, reading my book and enjoying my lunch.

Park Güell, a beautiful park with lots of Antonio Gaudi's designs, was equally beautiful. The only annoying thing were the immense hoards of Italian, French and Spanish school children of all ages, who had taken over entire Barcelona. There were all over Park Güell as well, but eventually I succeeded in finding a place up in the hills, where I could settle with my book and lunch without being deafened by all the yelling and laughing.

I got more convinced than ever that heaven is sunbathing among nature and reading a good book. There really is nothing better.

And think that some lucky buggers get to do that for nearly all year round, whereas we are lucky if we manage two months.

Gone for a couple of days

Just a short note to say that March is indeed turning out to be as busy as I predicted. I will have to get back to guest lectures, parties and concerts (another tomorrow by the way) in a few days time, since now there is just too much to do. I'll be back!

Congratulations K!

Life is busy. I’m at work and should start to prepare for the party soon.

The public defence of K’s doctoral thesis took place this morning. His opponent was from Yale University and was not totally aware of all the traditions of the Finnish style public defence, so it didn’t last as long as usual. It was quite entertaining though, since the foreign opponents usually have more eye for the show-aspects of the occasion instead of badgering the debater about spelling mistakes in footnote 145. Good, relevant questions, which were not too specific. Even people who were not legal historians said that it was easy to follow. The contemporary concerns and biases of Roman Law scholars in the interpretation of ancient Roman legal history was basically the subject of this morning.

And it was the first dissertation ever (the book, not the defense this morning) in which my name was mentioned! ;-) It is common to write a page or two of thanks in the beginning of the dissertation. K had thanked quite a large amount of people by name, so I was there too.

But anyway, it was a good occasion. A couple of us went to have lunch afterwards, which was nice too. One of the Swedish quests came along and I noticed again my limitations with the language. I had absolutely no problems understanding Swedish when the Finns spoke it. I even found myself speaking fairly fluently. But when this guy speaks… I have to concentrate like crazy and I still miss a considerable deal of what he is saying. He is from Skåne, which kind of explains it. (skånska is an insane dialect from Southern Sweden, for those of you not in the know.)

I didn’t see any point in trying to rush home to prepare for the evening, so I took my clothes and accessories and make-up with me here and will start prettifying myself in an hour. Have done that before and I’m sure will do it again in the future. Sometimes it is nice to dress up – although expensive. I’m using my old evening dress, but I decided that I needed at least some new jewellery. So, I went shopping yesterday evening and ended up spending 100 euros on necklaces, ear-rings, scarves, a handbag and a couple of other things (including MGM! Finally!). Insane. It’s kind of good that we are using euros these days, because in the old days I would never have spent 600 marks on things like that. Argh, I don’t even want to think about that.

I have lots of new pretty jewellery now though. All I have to do anymore is to learn to use them. ;-)

Yeah, but it’s been busy. K’s opponent gave a lecture yesterday, about the separation of Church and State and compared the situation in US and Europe (North of the Alps). It was actually really fascinating and it was interesting to hear about the fundamental differences in here and in the States. In the States, you see, there is a clear separation of Church and State and they think that they are a bastion of religious freedom. Don’t laugh yet, since there is an explanation to this. The point is, that whereas they have this institutional strong separation of Church and State, what they don’t have is a separation of religion and politics. So in the US the government is not allowed to for instance fund the churches and all religious symbols are forbidden in state schools – which is not the case in Europe. However, there religion is present in politics, government and law in a way that would unthinkable in Europe. The politicians appeal to god, in court it is possible to use the bible as an authoritative source and religious arguments are used in legislative activities. He gave an interesting example of a case where the issue was to decide whether a murderer ought to be sentenced to a life in prison or to a death penalty; the result being that he was eventually sentenced to death because of arguments based on the bible.

He explained the difference with the different role of the state in US and Europe. Here the state has taken over church functions (for instance: religious charity --> welfare state) and so the church has lost most of its power as a political as well as a moral and charismatic actor. In the US the same thing hasn’t happened and so the role of the church is far stronger, the state is not allowed to intervene in church functions (hence the strong institutional separation of church and state) and religion plays a far greater role in politics.

He stressed the fact that you can’t say which system is better than the other. From the European point of view the US-system of course sounds a bit worrysome. Especially as he said that there is this strong tendency in the world right now that religions are becoming more and more important worldwide. George W. and the republicans represent this of course, but what was interesting was the democratic party’s response to this. You would have thought that they would be putting forward an alternative, liberal, secular view, but no! Instead they are emphasising their own religious world view. Both of the parties in US are now competing on which one is the MORE religious. Scary!

Damn, I’d love to continue with this, but now I have to go and put on some lipstick and pretty jewels. Priorities. ;-) I will continue tomorrow though, because he had another good example about the principle of proportionality and the US.

The cat has a cold

Yesterday I failed to read my fifty pages for the first time. I was just about to fall asleep when I remembered that I was still about twenty pages short. It was past midnight and I was feeling far too tired to even form a sensible thought anymore, so I didn't scramble up to find my book.

We went out to eat yesterday after finally treating my sister to her "birthday-surprise". We had - thanks to the imagination of M - gotten her an hour at a floatation tank - or a sensory deprivation tank as they are also known. Around the world those are an old thing, but in Helsinki there's only been one since last September. It looked like something one might want to try sometime. Eating out was fun too and something I haven't done in awhile. How about a new plan? Eating out at least once a month?

Today I stayed home to work again. I got around to fixing the part of my dissertation, which is still the biggest mess and despaired a little at its condition. It will be good eventually, but right now it definitely isn't. It's a big jumble of questions about the development of royal jurisdiction, about truth and the means of finding it, about appeal procedure and functions of higher jurisdiction and who knows what. I should fix that. And I should be drawing conclusions from the judgments of the 1780's. And I quite definitely should be already working on my seminar paper for the seminar in Iceland. I am going to be talking about Legal Professionalism in the 18th Century and using the judges of The Vaasa Appeal Court as an example of course. I'm also hoping to rewrite the seminar paper later and publish it as an article in one of the Finnish legal periodicals. Oh, and then I definitely, definitely should be already educating myself about the history of mentalities. I'm supposed to be giving a two hour lecture about it to the post-graduate students in less than a month. Okay, so I've been doing that already for two years, but I'm not particularly happy with how it went last year. Have all the intention of improving.

I dug the car out of the snow earlier today and got it moving eventually. The ground had gotten a little icy, since I hadn't driven the car in awhile and, well, you know how it gets. It was the same thing last time so at least I was prepared. I went to the post office to collect a package and now I am a happy owner of two Rammstein-shirts. ;-)

They are very purty. And luverly. And I honestly think that I am going to be wearing one of them tomorrow to the concert. Finlandia Hall, Torsten Rasch and Mein Herz brennt, remember? I'm really looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it was - probably not tomorrow though.

Life is so good.....

I am going to Spain! Barcelona!! Muhahahahaa!!!

My sister's in Barcelona for this student-exchange thingy and I've been sort of thinking ever since she left last fall that I should go and visit. The operative words here being "sort of thinking". As in my usual "I really should" -kind of way, all the time making excuses as to why I can't really go. I don't really have the time, Spain isn't really my favourite country, it's really too expensive, I don't know if I would really enjoy it... Bullshit!! I've just been worried about doing something new again. I do have the time. I have like the most flexible job in the world, Barcelona is beautiful, it hardly costs anything and besides you can't put a price on experiences.

Jeez, I'm so excited. And jeez, I'm going in two weeks. Another muhahahahaa!

You'd laugh too if you knew my usual level of spontaneity.

Jep, but I decided yesterday that if I was going to go, I'd better dig up my calendar and do something about the "But there's really no good time to go" -argument. I didn't want to go in April, since then is Easter and after that I'm going to Iceland. Did I mention about that? I am going to Iceland!! Yay! It's a work-related trip, so basically all costs paid (I'm staying for an extra night at my own cost to do some sightseeing) and I'm mucho, mucho happy about it. I've wanted to go to Iceland for a loooong time. But anyway, that's why I couldn't postpone the Spain-trip to April. And I didn't really want to do it in May, since then the summer is so close. So I am going now! And escaping a week of snowy, cold Finland!! So fabulous!!!

Damn, I've nearly wasted this months supply of exclamation marks. I think I have to call Punctuation-r-us to order some more.

Oh, who cares? Spain!!!! Barcelona!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warm weather and sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reading

I finished JM Coetzee’s ”Life and Times of Michael K” today. It’s not a bad book by any standards, but somehow I find his books a little “distant”. It’s like looking at things from a surface and seeing people move underneath, but never being able to reach them or touch them. And yet it is not a superficial book. Coetzee is South-African and he wrote it in 1983 to protest against apartheid. So not a light book, but despite the subject it failed to really move me on an emotional level. I did notice that my knowledge about South-Africa’s past is a little hazy. They kept talking about a war and I had no idea which war there was going on then.

I played a little again and nearly have one song memorised. ;-) I remembered that I borrowed some “self-help” books from the library a couple of weeks ago and dug them up. I read about how to “Be your Best” and found out what Linda Adams thinks you ought to do to stand up for yourself and be less nice. She has some points, but if one was to carry on discussions like she suggests one would sound like a guiltifying bugger, who could not read other people’s emotions and intentions at all. So I don’t think I’m going to be following her advices.

Her style of writing is quite fluent though, so I think I’ll go and finish her book anyway.

...If I can get connected to blogger first...Damn, they are slow sometimes.

Walls and windows

I've spent hours cleaning up today (which wasn't so bad). Also went to the store to get some more healthy food. I've noticed that these two months of living healthily - more or less - has changed my sense of taste. Pineapple juice tastes almost too sweet to drink. Evenings with chocolate, chips, lemonade and others of the same sort have been replaced by evenings with rye-bread, cheese, tomato and honeyed tea. And which one do you think tastes better? Yup. The idea of rye-bread and light cheese makes my mouth water. These days I miss those evening meals of chocolate cake with whipped cream only once a week, if even that often.

There was a long story in the newspaper (or its montly supplement) today about Finnish people living in Goa - some there for good, some only for the winter months. It's a cheap place apparently. With 400 euros you can rent a house and live handsomely for a month. Gazing out at the ocean from your window, taking long walks on the beach - and suffering from diarrhoea-causing amoeba. Amoeba and hippies aside, it still sounded rather wonderful. Would anyone like to spend the first two-three months of the next year in Goa? Or somewhere else equally cheap and warm?

Menace in Europe

I've been reading some stuff from this coughcrazycough American lady, who is a religious conservative with a big chip on her shoulder. Religious conservatives are a bunch of people, whose way of thinking is almost as far from my one as possible. The ones definitely included, who believe that America is the saviour of the world and everyone who doesn't think and act like they do, is automatically an enemy.

Reading stuff from people like that can be an extremely frustrating experience. Sometimes it can be hilarious too. Let me quote this particular woman: "All that said, there is one surpassing reason for Europeans to feel hope: The existence of the United States."

ROFL, I am still laughing at that.

But it's not really funny, is it? There are millions of people out there who believe exactly like she does. And that is why the wars of this world will never end.Very, very frustrating. And sad.

The month of Mars

March is here - and promises to be a busy month. More things in my calendar than in a long while. In order to survive this busy, busy month I have been eating today like a huge famished hog - and naturally not exercising in order not to lose any of those extra calories. Did I mention that when we had that seminar in Lammi a couple of weeks ago, I gained a kilo in two days? I rather fear this might be one of those days too.

It's bloody cold outside. Okay, it's only around minus ten, but it feels like it was a lot more. You would think that as it is already March - even if only the first of the month - it would slowly start getting warmer. I guess one has to wait another month still. I don't actually mind winter as much as I did a couple of years ago, but I still wish the spring/summer would hurry up and get here soon! Still one has to start making summer plans, since the days go by so fast. To stay in town or not to stay in town, that's the question.

Ate nearly a kilo of mandarins today

Started my day at the gym again. I was able to read my fifty pages while using the exercise bike, so that was an hour well spent. This is definitely one of those things that I love about my job; how many other people are able to sit in the sauna at midday - or decide in the morning that I don't want to wake up yet or don't want to go to the office today. All possible with still getting everything done that you were supposed to.

I really will never be able to have a proper 9 to 5 job, am I? Completely spoiled now. (Don't take me wrong though, it's not always just a walk in the park, this job. Can be tremendously stressful sometimes, it can.)

Got my car back. And a present from Paris. Thank you, they're very pretty. And already put to good use. The "Praeludium 1" I haven't tried yet though. ;-) Hey, I can't even play Frère Jacques two-handedly.

Sun still shining

A good day today. I stayed home and fiddled with my dissertation. Now it looks far more sensible again and after I get all my notes inserted, I may just find out that I have written far more than I thought. Eeexcellent. Perhaps one now dares to go “back to the sources” and leave the writing for a little while, despite all my promises. One needs to adjust to the demands of the situation when the occasion so requires after all. Yup, I have to go through all the stuff that I already have and then pick up the phone and reserve a room from the guesthouse of the University of Vaasa once more. Have I mentioned that I really like that place.

I went and bought the headphones today and gave the keyboard a second try. I’m still having serious difficulties in getting right hand play one thing, and the left hand another. Neither have I yet quite mastered the half and quarter notes, and the songs tend to sound a bit unrecognisable. Fun though.

I am also very fond of my new ministereos , which I bought a couple of weeks ago. The sound is nowhere near perfect – big surprise since they were again the cheapest thing that could be found in the store – but so much better than playing cd’s on the computer. Couch, a book, a big cup of tea and something nice playing – is there anything much better than that. I have also to my horror discovered that I really like Coldplay and CMX. Damn, I’m feeling a little traitorous now (inside Rammstein joke, so don’t wonder if you didn’t get it).

Okay, let’s see if I can connect to blogger now.

Sunny Sunday

Beautiful, sunny day today. Couldn't be bothered to go out though. Sundays have definitely become days when I really ought to kick myself, at least if I were to hold myself to those promises I made during New Year's. Too much sitting at the computer and wasting the hours away playing games.

I gave a try to the keyboard today. I didn't manage to buy the headphones yet, so I didn't have a heart to play very long. I can remember how annoying it is when someone is playing, who doesn't know what they are doing. I'm too mindful of the neighbours, aren't I? This doesn't bode well for my "learning to be less nice" -policy.

A person on TV with disgustingly white teeth. Is that supposed to look good? Probably. Well, I guess I have a weird taste anyway when it comes to human beauty.

I am being terribly insightful today, aren't I?

Neglect

I've somehow gotten in the habit of neglecting my poor little blog. I blame the Sudoku. All those happy evenings that I used to spend in front of the TV writing the blog, I now clickety-click away at Sudoku. Hopefully it is really good for logical skills or something such like.

I love Saturdays. Possibly the best part about weekends is that one gets to sleep in. Hmmm, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. Alright, so not the best, but one of the best. That'll do. I love sleeping in.

So I slept in, fed the cat, checked the forum and eventually headed to town. We had a meeting of the Nordic Association, the secretary of which I am supposed to be. I've been a very bad secretary for the past year. Naughty me. I still haven't written some of the protocols of last year's meetings; on the other hand we hardly had any meetings to write protocols about. Now it remains to be seen whether we will get a new board for the association or whether it has reached the end of its short and happy life.

This hasn't been the best week when it comes to healthy life, so I tried to improve the score a little by going to the gym after the meeting. Not enough to counterbalance the doughnuts today and especially all that candy on Thursday. The local movie theatre celebrated their seventh year in business on Thursday and showed movies since 8 o'clock in the morning. Went to see both Casanova and Narnia - and the verdict: they sucked. I assumed that Casanova was going to be serious historical drama, but it turned out to be a romantic comedy with absolutely no sense of history. One of those "let's dress up and pretend that we are 21st century people in pretty historical settings". Narnia on the other hand was exactly what it was written out to be: a moralistic children's fairytale. I guess I just forgot that I am not a child anymore.

considered impromptu decisions

Ha-haa, I did it. Bought the keyboard - it's the cheapest, smallest, crummiest version I could find, but still it has all kinds of exciting functions. Weird tunes and rhythms and who knows what. I still need to buy head-phones so I can properly start to practise.

It's been a good day today. I went to work quite late, since I had to take the car to my sister's after she got back from work. Going to Imatra, she was. I got a number of things done in the morning that I had been putting off for a long time. Cleaning up the cobwebs, real and metaphorical, makes one a happy woman.

Yaaawwwwnn, tired again. I have to go to the shower now.

Byeee.

Go curling-team.

Kalju mies televisiossa

It's been forever since I've last written here. And I have a headache so I'm not going to do a full update now either - involves however seminars, birthday parties, concerts, massages, movies, new mini-stereos, moving furniture around, ups and downs of healthy life, conversations with Jehovah's witnesses and a realisation which I'm going to have to write to S about. Which reminds me that I still have to write nearly all those letters I was planning to write already during Christmas. And a number of other things I really should do. Like getting my tax card updated so I'll get a proper paycheck at least next month. And taking the bloody x'mas tree finally into the basement.

Damn. I keep postponing things again.

As a irrelevant side remark, I realised only a couple of weeks ago that writing x'mas for Christmas is not just being fashionable and "cool", but actually has a point. Replacing Christ with an X, the unknown factor. No longer celebrating something given, authoritative and religious, but something we have to question, something specific and subjective. Simple, yet clever. From now on I'm celebrating x'mas. But realisations aside, my x'mas tree is still standing in the corner and waiting for me to get off my lazy butt!

I am starting to thing that if I had money, I would hire a cleaning person. A personal secretary. A little green bunny-eared rose-smelling slave, who would scurry about and fetch me glistening stars and singing nyads.

Headache.

Cold fun gods

It's cold. Cold now, cold at work. I actually had to read with my gloves on today, which is a bit too much. Must remember to take an extra sweater to work tomorrow or a really big scarf or something.

I was to play squash today for the first time in my life and one can say without hesitation that at first I rather sucked. Eventually though I got the racket to connect with the ball and realised that squash is not a bad way to exercise. I've always thought that the game is about crashing into walls and running oneself breathless, but apparently that is only for pros. For beginners who are more into playing than winning points it is just plain fun.

The world is still going slightly mad and our oh so tolerant religions are proving their toleration to everyone. Is it really much wonder when one considers the origins of our monotheistic religions? Yahweh/Jahve, the god of Jews and Christians, was originally a god of war, Muslims' Allah may or may not be the same god (or perhaps a Moon god with three daughters). Islam is said to have originally meant the strength which characterized a desert warrior who - even when faced with impossible odds - would fight to the death for his tribe. Why wouldn't people with such gods value bloodshed?

Can gods change their minds? Or do people have to learn to think for themselves?

"Good lord! Is it not a silly sort of argument to reckon by the same works that one man is a god whilst his rivals are mere "sorcerers"?"
Celsus, c. 170 CE (Common Era, previously known as AD)

eeny, meeny, miney, mo

- Healthy life is more difficult in town because everyday someone is offering you chocolate or pastries or lunch at a Mexican place.
- If you haven't been to the gym to work out in a year or so, then you're arms are going to ache like a bitch still three days after you start again.
- Imre Kertész's "Kaddish for an Unborn Child" is a dizzying whirlwind of thoughts and mows its way to one's list of favourite books without losing a bit of its strength.
- The cat is much more talkative here than back at Imatra and keeps waking one up every night.
- As a result of aforementioned point and just generally sleeping badly one was too tired last Saturday to watch "Good bye Lenin", which is just generally a bummer.
- When you wish to see a movie and there are places left only in the first row, go watch something else.
- World is going slightly mad and people wish to annihilate each other because of lines on the paper, so never say that pictures or words can't kill.
- Know when it is time to leave the last apple on the tree.

Naked future

You remember when I claimed to be tired yesterday? Well, it turned out that I wasn't physically all that tired after all, since it was 2 o'clock before I went to bed. Yesterday, you see, was the first showing of Rammstein's new video "Mann gegen Mann" on German MTV and one just had to wait until someone posted a copy of it on the net. MGM is their gay-video (pro-gay of course) and most of them are playing naked on it, so...well, one just HAD to wait.

And I can say that it was definitely worth it.

On a totally different note I've realised today that if I actually wish to become a researcher, I have to change my attitude to doing things. I don't know if I have ever really truly hundred-percently believed that I could have a career in research, but now I suddenly do. My financing runs out at the end of this year and now this week there has been talk of couple of hypothetical - very, very hypothetical - options for the next few years. I am not going to tell you about them, since I believe that if you talk of things before they are certain they will never come to pass.

But possibly-never-occuring-hypothetical-options aren't an important thing in themselves. What is important is that they create a future, give person a reason to invest in this job, make it sensible and worthwile suddenly. It is also nice to notice that other people see it as kind of natural that you would and could continue and have faith in your capabilities. Very exciting all of this.

Back in town

I'm home again. Got back yesterday and in a wonderful time of 2 hours 57 minutes. And as always I will admit to speeding only under torture.

House was still in one piece and proper order - except for the fact that I had left the light on in the bathroom and the inevitable mountain of mail.

Today was a busyish day at work: in addition to the usual reading - and writing, which I was happy to get done - I did a thing or two for next week's seminar. Plus there was the board meeting of the institute and the meeting of the comparative circle. And the mail there of course.

I didn't wish to abandon my healthy life either, so I went to the gym for an hour to use the bike, which is why it was after eight before I got home. The cat was happy to see me. And apparently I am now too tired to write anything than morse-style three-word sentences, which is why it is better to put a stop to this asap.

Piano and politics

I had all sorts of plans for how to spend my time when I came here to "babysit" the cats. One of them was to sit down at the piano and see if learning how to play would be fun. The piano has been moved from the living room and is right now behind locked doors in a room, which isn't kept warm (my dad wants to save in the heating costs), so I only remembered that the bloody piano exists earlier this week. And it was only today that I finally decided to give it a try.

I found one of my sister's old "piano for beginners" -types of books after trying to play something a bit more advanced and failing miserably. Starting from the beginning, however, turned out to be a good idea. Now I know a couple of more things about notes, managed to play something elementary two-handed and realised that playing is indeed fun. I am not going to buy meself a piano, but I could invest in a keyboard. For a beginner that's basically the same thing, isn't it?

Hmm, hmm, hmmmm. Couple more hours and we'll know the name of our next president. I still haven't followed the debates very closely, but I can't have helped noticing some of the things expressed in the local newspaper. Imatra has traditionally been a fairly socialdemocratic area and perhaps that's why Niinistö's supporters have been quite vocal in their opinions. I have nothing against Niinistö personally - I'll even admit to finding him rather charming sometimes - but reading the views of some of the people backing him up reminded me clearly why I do not want him to win. I had ever so momentary doubts after the first round because some of the things Halonen said started to annoy me. Then I read the readers' letters and remembered that it is about values.

Now I am sure - fervently hope - that Niinistö, even though being clearly on the right on the economic scale, is still fairly libertarian on the social scale. (If you want to know where you stand, take the following test . Also explains nicely why when grouping people it is not enough to take into consideration the old left-right division, but why you also have to pay attention to where you fit on the authoritarian-libertarian scale. I was happy to find out that my views coincided best with people like Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. Thanks to P for bringing this test into my attention.)

Anyhow, it seems that quite a few of Niinistö's supporters definitely do not belong to the libertarian side, whatever he himself may think. I couldn't read too many of those viewpoints though. Is it because I'm too cowardly? Because I don't want to know that there are so many people who harbour such old-fashioned, intolerant ideas? Because if one were to admit to oneself, that those people do exist - in hordes - then there is always the decision: whether to close one's eyes and let things be or actually try to do something about them. I've never been active or political, but earlier it was mainly because I didn't have too many opinions. I didn't care. Now that I have accumulated some opinions it remains to decide whether one should be more active in promoting them. Or can one convince oneself that it is enough to vote always once in awhile?

Music is good for the soul

I ha've five neeeewww CeeDeehees. Yaaaayyyy!!

I went to the store to get some groceries and started to wonder whether I ought to reward myself - for the healthy life - with some chocolate. After some contemplation I decided that it would be a smarter idea to buy a CD instead, if I now absolutely had to reward myself. One little chocolate bar just makes one mad and a complete cake or something along those lines - which I am quite capable of eating on a one go by myself - might ruin my diet completely. I have no self-control and therefore have to be kind of absolutist about this.

Anyway, headed for the CD-tracks hoping to find SOAD's Mesmerize. I got Hypnotize for X'mas and SOAD is now securily in my top three of favourite bands. They didn't have Mesmerize, but they did have one of their old ones "Steal this album!". Soad's first album "System of a Down" doesn't really appeal to me so much, but I am liking this one a lot. Good stuff. I also got Coldplay's X&Y (yes, naughty me) and some Finnish music: Kotiteollisuus, Children of Bodom and CMX. Yum. The good thing about being stingy is that once you DO want to buy something, you don't have to count the pennies. Plus they were all on sale, so it wasn't as expensive as it could have been.

Now I have to buy stereos.

same-o, same-o

I have been away from here again - mostly because I haven't felt like writing the same thing day in and day out. I mean, is it so interesting how my healthy life is progressing? Going quite well, btw, I have lost nearly 1½ kilos since coming to Imatra and I think I will soon fit into some of my old clothes. I still have three more kilos to go to get to where I was a couple of years ago - put some weight on? who? me? - but I think I may just make it this time (this time refers to the fact that I've been on a diet for the past fifteen years or so. Tschk, tschk.).

I have fallen in love with my ministepper and I am seriously considering torturing my neighbours with it. It's so much fun that I don't know if I can give it up. Especially with the new 2005 tour DVD coming out soon. And all the bootlegs that I have. Ooh, just think of those hours of joy. Poor, poor neighbours.

I have created some babymuscles in my arms - or at least aching that leads me to hope I have - thanks to shoveling (scooping?) snow for the past three days. Pretty long driveway this house has. So far I'm still positively disposed towards all this snow related exercising. Or let's say that it is fun as long as it doesn't take so much time from working that one get's stressed. Hm, that's actually kind of ironic. Work is sitting inside at a computer or lying about on a couch with a book, whereas sweating outside with a snow scoop is recreational.

Okay, now I'll go and see if I could finally finish that book by Günter Grass. Yes, I'm still reading it, but it is pretty long. Kampela it is called - I have no idea what it is in English - and I will thoroughly recommend it to everyone. It's about men and women, relationships through the times, about hunger, and co-dependency, and things that tie us down and prohibit us from growing into what we could be. And a number of other things all expressed in words which keep flowing, flowing, flowing. Beautiful.

Undue influence

The day goes by so fast. I didn’t get my page written today, because today I went to town to vote. And to finally see if there was anything for me in the sales. Politics and shopping. Politics and shopping, which shall we talk about? Politics, shopping, shopping, politics…. Okay, shopping it is. I did buy something today, but nothing that was on sale. Today’s fashions apparently aren’t my thing, which of course is a rather good thing, since then one doesn’t have to spend a fortune on clothing.

Or actually it is quite the opposite, isn't it? The fact that I want clothes, which are at the same time cheap (maximum 20 euros would be good), stylish and good quality, could be said to be a somewhat impossible combination. Maybe I just have to accept the fact that if I wish to have the type of clothes that I want, I have to part with a bit more cash. Which is a bummer, since on some basic level I can’t really see the point in spending money on clothes. I’ll have to start brainwashing myself: “nice clothes are good for your self-esteem, nice clothes are good for your self-esteem…” Or would that just be falling into the mindtraps of advertisers and clothes industry?

I also went to the store in order to get some food – it is more difficult to survive without food than latest fashions, you see – and I realised that most of the food being sold is very unhealthy and greasy and fattening and…stuff. It seems that if one wishes to follow a healthy and nutritious diet one has to learn to cook. Could I do that? A new hobby? Fun maybe? Eating healthy is expensive and time-consuming – and I’m not completely kidding here – but on the other hand it is good for a person. One could claim that subsisting on a couple of pieces of bread and a big bag of candy a day – which is what I have done more than once in the past – is not good for one’s physical and mental health. Yep, I’ll learn how to cook. And it WILL be fun.

Are routines a good thing?

I don’t think I am going to tell you what I have been doing, since it involves books, old court records, clickety clicking the computer, ministeppers, music-DVDs, sauna and healthy food. There isn’t really terribly much one can do here. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that during winter time it is after all better to live in a city. Somewhere where there is more than one movie theatre and public transportation that works. Summer, of course, is another thing completely.

But it ain’t summer yet. It has gotten a little warmer, around minus twelve or so anymore. One might almost think that that smacks of spring. Almost. Might. Like never.

And think that in Australia they are having a heat-wave. 40 degrees Celsius there and here it’s been sixty less. Earth is a weird place.

With this mindblowingly exciting weather report I bid you good night.

Cold, colder, gear sticks freezing

I cannot remember when I have for the last time worked so diligently for five days in a row. Writing, reading and going through the source material every day. I can see why people say that if you want to get something done, you need to get away from the normal surroundings.

It also helps that I'm working on my laptop, which isn't connected to the net here; so no quickies to the net to check sites when one get's bored. The house computer - even if it is fairly new - takes the insanely long time of nearly ten minutes to start, it screws things up if you put it on stand-by and because of some glitch or another, it's virus-databases haven't been updated in nearly a month, and therefore one is not in the habit of clicking it open the very first thing in the morning. Good for working; bad for up-dating the blog, since I usually write in the evenings on the couch while I am watching TV. Of course that is not impossible now either in this marvelous time and age of memory-sticks.

Ooh, speaking of sticks. I used the car today for the first time in a week (went to the store). The car started just fine, but the gear stick had frozen. Nearly broke the damn thing, when I first tried to get it to move. After five minutes' massage-session it finally started to switch gears and after a few more moves it stopped tearing itself from the whatever that part of the car is called. Cold out there, I tell you.

Yeah. Can you tell I haven't done anything even remotely exciting? Since the temperature is still around minus twenty, I have skipped my walks in the past few days. And patted myself on the back for bringing the noisy mini-stepper with me. I have found out that by watching Live aus Berlin or Lichtspielhaus (DVD's of guess which mid-European musical group) I am capable of putting the mini-stepper to good use for an hour and a half, singing most of the time and still not feeling too tired after that. And I can still remember the time when I was absolutely dead after ten minutes... It's a shame though I can't do the same thing at home; the neighbours would go mad.

Or mabbe the old couple living next door to me are secretly fans of hard rock played on full blast and accompanied by an appreciative ministepper. Alas, but even if they were, there is no way they could cope with my singing.

Tyr's day

Fire is beautiful. It’s minus fourteen outside and I’ve been using the fireplace earlier today and now the sauna is warming up again. The cold weather is a lovely excuse to stare at the fire.

I’ve been busy work wise. Read my 200+ pages (since Saturday), written more than two pages thus far and spent six hours transcribing the judgments from 1780 (since yesterday). No conclusions to tell you yet, but if someone tells you that the concept Grand duchy (suuriruhtinaskunta / storfurstendömet) was used of Finland only in the Russian times, you can tell them to bugger off. Finland is called Storfurstendömet already in those documents from the 1780 – and probably had been for a long time before that, but don’t ask me how long. Can’t be bothered to google now for the answer to that question.

Off to sauna now, will be back in a bit. I need to go wash off my facial mask: I’m trying to prettify myself again and the mask is starting to be more than dry.

Back now, cleansed and nourished. What else have I done? I have been out for a walk every day, continued my healthy life and I am happy to record that since the beginning of the aforementioned “healthy life” I’ve already lost altogether three kilos. Two more and it should show, six more and I am hopefully happy. Right now I’m just happy that I don’t even want chocolate and that this time healthy life has continued past two weeks.

Other than healthy life, and work, and sauna, and TV and sudokus, and Günter Grass (who is excellent and fast on his way to my list of favourite writers), I haven’t really done anything. Maybe I’ll go out and buy some milk tomorrow.

Presidential elections

The smell of tar is one of the most wonderful smells in the world. The parental units left today and I have the house to myself. I’ve been to the sauna again and I think I will continue to put it to good use during the next two weeks. If the firewood runs out before the summer you’ll know who to blame.

Oh dear, the weather forecast is promising -23 degrees for Thursday. Damn. I’m going to have to move to the sauna.

Today was the first round of the presidential elections. About eighty percent of the votes have been counted and it looks like a second round will be necessary. Two more weeks of televised debates then. I haven’t really followed them very thoroughly, since I knew who I would vote for and I find most of the TV-debates very embarrassing. The candidates can’t be very frank in their answers, some of the questions are completely idiotic and everyone is getting agitated and talking on top of each other. With just two candidates it might be better, more civilised and hopefully without the need to make the candidates play monkeys.

Now 96.3 percent have been counted and there will definitely be a second round.

In the eastern lands

I'm here. The roads were good and for the most part nearly empty. I had to get annoyed at the slow driving people only after Somerharju - seriously, it's more hazardous to be driving ten kilometres per hour too slow than too fast. Perhaps not for the person driving, but everone else behind him. Snailing along makes you irritated, sleepy and is a bitch for concentration. Luckily I got past them relatively quickly and made it here in little less than three hours and ten minutes. With one stop and considering it's winter that's a really good time.

It's a real winter here. Not like home, where I noticed this morning that I can now see green lawn even from my kitchen window. In a way nice, I guess. I can do long wintery walks - and for those days when I can't be bothered, I took my mini stepper here with me. I used it once earlier this week, but before that I haven't touched it in years. I hate using it at home, since it is LOUD. It's okay for the first ten minutes or so, but then it starts squeaking and moaning like mad. I think it secretly wants to be a bed in a porn movie and practises with all the sound effects. Seriously, when I was still putting it into good use some five years ago, the downstairs neighbour one day came to complain about the noise. The look on her face pretty much said it all when she casually remarked that they had been wondering about the noise with her husband. Yep, mini stepper was sent into the corner to gather dust and I learned that when buying exercise equipment it is never a good idea to get the cheapest thing.

Polite little boys and booksales.

I have learned today that not all wee lads are impolite little monsters. I was coming back from work today a bit earlier than usual, must’ve been around 3.30 when I passed the daycare centre close to my house. A little boy – probably somewhere between 4-6 years of age, I absolutely cannot tell how old children are – asked me to pass him a little red ball which they had accidentally hit on the wrong side of the fence (playing something they were). And – this is the point – he asked me if I could give it back using the polite you. Such a little thing and he knows how to use the polite you and to say thank you. I was quite impressed.

I went to that bookstore I was talking about yesterday and realised that I don’t need to leave in any pre-orders, since their sale had already started too. I did my best navigating through the throngs and came home eight books richer and nearly 50 euros poorer. There were only two books that I really wanted that I couldn’t find anymore and the rest I decided to leave after a closer inspection. Now I have some more nice books just waiting to be read: Vasili Grossman, Niko Kazantzakis, Günter Grass, Bernhard Schlink, Thomas More, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, V. S. Naipaul’s non-fictional book about Islamic culture and the odd book about the roots of the Christ-worship in pagan rituals, which I cannot tell whether it is written with a serious intent or whether it’s just sensational popularism. We’ll find out after reading it, won’t we?

It’s seven o’clock and I’m insanely tired. The house looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in two weeks – which is more or less true – which means that in addition to packing I also need to do some cleaning up (bollocks!) before heading to Imatra tomorrow. I’m hoping to leave before one o’clock so I don’t need to drive in the dark for that long. I guess I should start cleaning up now, but I’m really not going to. I’m going to have something to eat, some more tea – I have developed a serious tea addiction – and then either sleep, read, watch some television or see what the wonderful world of web has to offer. Absolutely – nothing – useful.

Thor's day

Today for awhile it felt like spring. It's been above zero a couple of days and around here everything is icy and downtown the snow has pretty much melted away. I went to the main library of the University to get some more books to take with me to this cat-sitting trip of mine. Wait, I didn't mention that yet, did I? I'm taking off to Imatra on Saturday for two weeks because the parental units are heading to Egypt. I'll be minding their cat and mine, which stayed there after Christmas to wait for my return. The poor thing expressed so loudly her displeasure at the thought of travelling in the car again for a three hours and more, that we thought it best to leave her to enjoy the bigger house and some feline company.

Yeah, but the springly feeling. Next to the University main library there is this patch of land, from where the snow had completely melted away revealing a still nicely green lawn. That was so lovely - green nature-stuff in January! Purty. Well, spring of course is still two-three months away, so one can't start getting too excited yet.

The sales in some of the book-stores started today. I checked one place and got myself three books with less than 12 euros alltogether: one book by Imre Kertész and two by JM Coetzee. I've also been going through a pre-sale catalogue by another bookstore and I'm trying to decide where to draw the spending limit. They have something like twenty books that I'd like and even if the books are terribly cheap that would be more than 100 euros. On the other hand do I really spend on anything other than books? Nope. I'll have to drop by there tomorrow and see if it is possible to get someone else to pick up the order. It needs to be done by the 28th of January at the latest and I'll still be in Imatra then.

I was also planning to go to the movies today, since they had a 5 € day, but I wasn't the only one with that particular plan. Everything worth watching sold out by the time I turned up, so I walked to the bus stop and came home to make some dinner. I had my heart set on making some pasta with chilitomato-sauce, onions, garlic and red peppers and I had everything chopped down by the time I realised I have no pasta. Since I am a lazy soul, I decided to get creative instead of heading to the store again and so I used rice instead. It was actually very good. And despite this fairly late eating I've lost weight again. Yay, happy.

I'm back

Hello again! I've been busy having a healthy life - which has included trying to stay away from them computer a little - and therefore you haven't heard from me.

I am happy to report that thus far I've been able to stick to my new year's resolutions. I've read my fifty pages everyday - and noticed while doing it that as important as deciding what you read, is to pay attention to how you read. I've also realised that there is just so much a person can read in a year and there is so so much I still need to find out.

My healthier life goes well at the moment too. I've eaten like a good bunny in a cabbage patch, been to the gym and to long walks and have managed to lose 1½ kilos already. Mostly the extra Christmas-kilos of course, which it is fairly easy to lose. Still this time I'm feeling hopeful that my healthy life might succeed for a bit longer than the usual two weeks.

I haven't found my own style yet, but I did go through my closet and threw some clothes out. I'll continue with that later.

I also haven't gotten cultural yet, but I am planning to go and get tickets for a performance at the Helsinki Philharmonics (Helsingin kaupunginorkesteri) on the 9th of March. A modern song cycle by the composer Torsten Rasch based on the lyrics of Rammstein songs. What, you're not interested?! Why not? It's like a modern opera. It'll be a classic in two hundred years. If you'd be alive still then you could brag to everyone that you saw it already before it became a classic.

I haven't had a chance to develop opinions yet - besides the one's I already possess - or become less nice. That is really hard work. I have also succumbed to playing sudoku once or twice, but not for any unreasonable times.

Yep, all in all I am very happy with the start of this year.

A new year begins...

The last day of the holidays; the first day of the year. I’ve been reading mostly and not succeeded too well in starting my healthy life: pizza, potato chips, soda and no unnecessary steps. But it’s still the holidays and one can’t start a new life during the holidays. Right? I’ll start tomorrow.

I’ve been reading books today as I said, and wondering what makes a good book. These two that I’m thinking about are easy to read, entertaining, but I know I will forget them in absolutely no time. Especially when reading the first one I couldn’t help but think that I could probably produce something equally good. And then, of course, I got immediately struck by the doubts. Dear woman, are you a delusional egomaniac?! That book got published, it even got translated, someone must have thought it was worth it! Perhaps that is what bothers me. That if I am worse than her then I seriously do suck at writing. That if I am better then I have to stop making excuses and start writing for real.

Of course it isn’t always a question of being worse or better or even as good. Sometimes it is a question of the supply meeting the demand. An x number of people have a fondness for a “Bridget Jones” meets “Sex in the city” -style books even if they are second-rate versions. An x minus y number of people probably have a fondness for my style, which tends somewhat towards cynicism. Or even worse, in my early writings it tended towards pink, fluffy, everyone-has-to-love-everyone –worlds. I’d probably bore myself.

Hmmm, hmm, hmm, I'm getting ideas again, but I think it's too late to think anymore tonight. I'll watch some TV now and consider ideas later.

Happy New Year!

It’s the last day of the year and I’m back home. It’s only 21.30 and the fireworks have been going off for hours already. I have no parties planned for today, but I don’t mind. New Year’s has never been a very big event in my social calendar and I’m feeling quite content sitting home and sipping tea.

One should give a moment to retrospective musings now, shouldn’t one? Weigh the pros and cons of the year 2005 and pronounce judgment accordingly. Well, it’s been an interesting year certainly in some aspects and a very ordinary one in others. I’ve discovered that I’m definitely not a lawyer, gotten to know myself better and matured a little, made new friends, fulfilled some dreams and created new ones, rediscovered my love of books and noticed that on paper I can occasionally be funny – which can be somewhat stressful, since people may actually get the false impression that I could (expectation that I should?) do the same thing live too.

- Prithee, may that never happen!! You could never pull that off.
- Oh hey, you’re back from Costa Rica, I see.
- And far too soon, I notice! I can see where your line of reasoning is going this time. “I can’t be as funny in real life as I’m on paper – which, by the by, dear girl, is not more than a three-year-old in a sugar high could manage any day – so I’ll just settle for slouching apathetically and not saying a word.”
- What?!! I didn’t say anything of the kind.
- You were going to.
- No, I wasn’t!
- Still, you’ve been slouching.
- Whether I have or haven’t, has nothing to do with this matter. Jeez, you sound like that journalist.
- Which journalist?
- The one from channel one, who is interrogating the presidential candidates and pretending - I can only assume - that he is a judge in an Idols-contest.
- My, my, are you trying to insult me? You need to practice. Make that a New Year’s resolution, girl.
- Maybe I will.
- And no more slouching. I’ll come and kick your ass everytime you try. See, I interrupt my fine vacation just to look after you. You really ought to fall on your knees and kiss my ass.
- Screw you!
- ...and your inner child.
- What?!
- Why don’t you just meditate on that. Christ, we are going to have our hands full next year, aren’t we? I guess I have to cancel the rest of my vacation too, if we are going to make a half-way decent person out of you.
- Why don’t you just worry about yourself first?
- Children these days, no gratitude. I though I had told you before? I’m perfect, I don’t need to change.
- Bugger off.

But seriously, I do have a big list of New Year’s resolutions for next year, since I have great hopes for 2006. Not that 2005 was a bad year either, but next year will be even better. It will be a busy year though, since I intend to finally get my dissertation nearly finished. To this end resolutions
no 1) I will read a minimum of 50 pages of work-related literature every single day – and I mean every single day – during next year; and
no 2) I will write a minimum of twenty pages of my dissertation every month.

I also wish to a) start a healthier life, b) learn to be a little less nice, c) find my own style, d) get more cultural, e) develop opinions and f) hold on to the reserve to kick myself every time I wish to spend an evening/day doing nothing but playing sudoku or doing puzzles. These don’t get classified as resolutions, since from old experience I dare to doubt my capability to stick to them.

- Amen to that.

Curiosity

I just finished a book by Anna-Leena Härkönen. About her sister’s suicide. And two days ago another book by Jorge Semprun about his days in Buchenwald. Yeah, I know, not necessarily the most light-hearted Christmas reading, but who wants light-hearted anyway.

They may write about death and depression, but there is something terribly encouraging especially in Semprun’s books. You can sense in him an immense desire and love for life. He speaks of curiosity: curiosity for life, interest in what tomorrow has to offer. Losing that capability means losing your soul, turns you into a living dead who has already in essence left this world. Härkönen expressed something very similar when she was wondering why her sister had decided to kill herself. She lost this capability of being curious about the world.

Semprun’s book makes me ask myself, if we, the children of the privileged welfare-societies, have a responsibility towards those who have suffered and still are suffering, to enjoy our life? Be amazed at its gifts, curious of its offerings? Härkönen makes me question, if it is possible to just decide to do it? We do not suffer the horrors of concentration camps or famines and war, but more invisible pains and wounds have broken spirits and scarred souls. If too much desire for life has leaped out of those wounds, is it possible to replenish the soul by simply wishing it? Are we who we think we are: do we feel what we think, what we desire?

Feelings are fickle, aren’t they? Semprun makes me hopeful and eager, Härkönen anxious enough to drive me to both writing and to the services of my personal musical therapist. Is that the lesson of today: no matter how much life occasionally sucks, writing and Rammstein alone are enough to make life feel good? Well, it may not seem like much, but I actually think that is a lesson worth learning and remembering.

Chrissy preparations

Sorry, I've been gone again. That is what x'mas parties do to you. Two this week and when I have finally gotten home - well, not that late I grant you, but for an old feeble woman like me 1.00 is already beyond bedtime - I haven't quite found the strength to write anymore.

Now school is out, work is done and it's time to be merry for the rest of this year 2005. I have left the capital city of our fair country behind and journeyed to the snowy Eastern borders. The dog is running around the house - or rather was, since everyone has pretty much gone to bed already - the cats are hiding and peace and quiet still reigns in the household. Tomorrow is the time for excessive cleaning, cooking, baking, fetching the Christmas tree - all those things which make the couple of days before Chrismas pretty much the best time of the entire holidays.

Once again, despite my very best intentions, I haven't gotten the Christmas cards out. I was going to send them - I was - but they are just as unsent as the years before. We'll see if I'll fare better with the e-cards. I also did not have the time to

- clean the house
- forward the bill for all the teaching I've done this year
- return the book on Historical theory to the library
- decide whether to get the cat a christmas present (the dog is getting at least seven, so I should get her something, shouldn't I??!!)
- write the letters which have started to pile up again (now I have four to write; no, bloody five! I fear my laziness is getting on the way of maintaining friendships. Ah no, I should really write to H too. That's six. Oh dear.)
- and a number of other things that I can't even bother to think about

Okay, but now I will disappear. If I should not find my way back before Saturday, have yourself A VERY MERRY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Sing, dance, be happy and don't choke on the codfish!

Weekend

Puh, this weekend has gone past really fast. I didn't do any work on last Thursday so I took some back yesterday and today. 100 entries yesterday - in a record-time, I wonder if that had anything to do with it being Saturday - and today I read the students' papers for the PBL-course.

Yesterday also to the movies with J. Joyeux Noël or Merry Christmas - that story about the cease fire during the war christmas of 1914 and really one of the best films I've seen this year. I'll recommend it to everyone. Here's a link to some information on the Christmas Truce with additional links to more info if that isn't enough for you.

After the movie we went to the traditional christmas concert. The boys can sing although christmas carols don't really get you into the flow and make you forget time. That's the sign of a great concert - when you forget everything else and don't for a moment think what you'll be doing tomorrow.

Today I've been writing all kinds of stuff and I think it is time to put a stop to that now. I need some food.

The cat

We were in Stockholm last Saturday and there, in one store, they sold DVDs for cats – birds flying around for two hours straight. I didn’t buy it since it cost more than 20 euros, but now I am thinking maybe I should have. The cat is watching the nature document again, making weird noises and for the first time actually trying to touch the TV. It’s not the birds though that are getting her the most excited; it’s Orangutans (or possibly Gorillas, my expertise in these matters is somewhat limited). Jep, DVDs for cats belongs to the category of utter insanities of the decadent western world, but nevertheless I think that if I ever run into them again I’ll get one for the cat. She can have dreams of living in the wild.

The cat is a talkative one. She talks to me especially in the mornings. Luckily she doesn’t get up too early, but when she thinks that it is time to wake up, she lets me know. She also comes to say hi to me every time I come home from work – who said that only dogs do that.

She only likes certain types of food and refuses to eat if I offer her something that isn’t to her taste. She’s afraid of the vacuum cleaner, loud noises and fast movements. I took the cat from the Animal Shelter so she probably had an unhappy childhood and therefore likes to hide if something scares her. Perhaps that is also why the cat doesn’t like to be picked up. She likes to sleep next to me, or on top of me, but she won’t relax if you pick her up.

And that’s the cat for you. In July. She has grown fatter and fluffier now and is starting to look like a real cat.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

sorry I haven't written in awhile. I guess I haven't just felt like writing really. Maybe I've been a little bored or something.

You'll be happy to know that I have got some work done in these past two days. 500 archive entries alltogether; and think that last week I only got 200 done in two days. I don't know why it goes like that.

Dear diary, I remember again why Guy Gavriel Kay is one of my absolute favouritest authors in the whole wide world. I started his new book on Sunday and I couldn't stop until I had finished all of it. Why can't I read some work-related book of five hundred pages and still yearn for more?

I have to go now, dear diary - well, I don't absolutely dabsolutely have to, but I can't really think of anything more to write. Toodleloo.

Christmas parties

I went to the first of this year's Christmas parties. It took place at a very nice Greek restaurant and I had a good time. All paid by the Lawyer's Association, which also means that one was brought home by a taxi. I could so easily get used to these little luxuries. I guess I just need to keep reminding myself that I am a (relatively) poor post-graduate student and that luxuries have a tendency of turning people into selfish, vain, greedy little buggers. Much better off without them.

Tomorrow would be another Christmas party (our faculty's department's), but since I will be sailing to Stockholm by then, I won't make it there. Two other work-parties coming up though, so that's not such a great loss. Isn't it nice when there is one party for legal history, one for the Institute and one for the department. There's only the Christmas party of the entire faculty missing, but those haven't existed in ages. I suppose the faculty is too big to have a party of its own. Or then there are other reasons... ::cough, cough::

Mmmm, it smells like Christmas. I bought two Hyacinths yesterday. They are not necessarily my favourite flowers, but on my way to the movies the other day I walked by a florist's and the smell of Christmas was just irresistible. Lovely.

Okay dokey, if I don't have time to write tomorrow, then I'll be back on Sunday when we've returned from Sweden. Now I need to finally finish Foucault's Pendulum.

Amerika

I'm almost to my sixtieth post, dear me. Already 18 more than I ever posted at Margyarad. I wonder what qualifies as a mature age for a blog; something more akin to six years, I imagine.

Okay, girl, you are supposed to be writing the blog now and not watching C.S.I. I don't even like that program, never have. Okay, what shall we talk about today then? About the promise of the US to stop torturing their prisoners? Most of the western nations declared already two hundreds year ago that torture is inhumane. Whatever the practice, at least that was the ideal. That's the worrying thing about US today - they have given up ideals. As disgusting as it is, maybe, just maybe, sometimes it may be necessary to use unacceptable means to reach worthy goals. But you have to be very, very careful with that, since using unacceptable means makes you so easily into a monster just as bad as the one you were trying to fight.

To an outsider it looks as the US has slipped far down into the bottom of that well; there are too many voices which no longer see the means as unacceptable, can't realise that the goals have become distorted. The similarities to the formation of some very frightening despotic tyrannies in the past are quite worrisome. But luckily for humankind there are counter-forces too and sometimes they gain little victories - like now the promise to stop using torture. If it is anything but empty words, which one dares to question.

On a lighter note, here's more American habits for you. Something for inspiration if you ever felt like decorating your house with Christmas lights. Your neighbours will thank you - or their shrinks anyway... Christmas greetings

Happy independence day!

I didn't feel like writing yesterday. I started systematising the archive information, realised it will take forever and that the answers one will get depend a great deal on the questions asked. Add to that an evening spent playing sudoku and surfing and perhaps it is not surprising that by ten o'clock I felt as if I had woken up an hour ago and the day had miraculously disappeared.

So my brilliant conclusion was that I had spent too many days in a row sitting at home and therefore I decided to head to town today. I had movie tickets which will expire on Thursday, so I spent one of them. For a romantic comedy, which I will forget in a couple of months, but for the two hours it was relaxing.

When I came out I walked around for a little while. Since it's independence day most of the stores were closed and there were not that many people on the move. It's much nicer to walk downtown when the city is quiet and half-deserted. It was kind of eerie; I was feeling sad, lonely and happy all at once after the movie.

What does one need in this mood? Music. „Immer wenn ihr traurig seid, spielen wir für euch,“ he sings. Aaah, that helps. Or is it the Bailey’s? Feeney’s, I mean, sorry. Nah, I do think it is the music. A miracle cure in a small package.

I suppose one ought to write something clever and deep about the meaning of independence now, but I don’t think I can be bothered to think anymore tonight. Maybe tomorrow if I feel more like it. Now I will sing a little and then go read something.

Pictures, tea and uncertainty

So, a Sunday instead of Saturday today. I have done all sorts of interesting things; walked, talked, driven my sister to town, eaten, slept (badly), read the paper, done laundry, watched TV, posted on the forum, stroked the cat - all of that and washing the kitchen carpet to boot, since the cat had...well, let's not talk about that.

I had the camera with me when I went out for a walk. It was a beautiful, sunny day, so I could not resist the temptation. I was planning to go to the iron mines again, but I never made it there. My original plan was to go out for a real long walk and to come to the mines in the end. But after an hour or so, I was getting a touch cold, so I came home and left the mines to another day. I still got some rather beautiful pictures even if I say so myself. Two of them I would like to share with you.

A camera is a nice thing to have along, because it draws your eye to things that you would not necessarily notice otherwise. Especially if in your mind hovers the idea of sharing the pictures with others. Then you do not look at things only through your own eyes, but also through the (perceived) expectations of others.



Hum, dum, dum, should I do something resembling half sensible still this evening? Reading, writing? Or shall I just go and get myself some tea and watch a movie instead? Life is full of such difficult decisions. How ever do we cope?

Well, tea it is anyway. We'll see what happens then.

A Saturday

Well, to start in a rather inane manner, what can I say of today? You see, it's been a rather ordinary Saturday and I haven't done anything particularly noteworthy. What, what, what, what have I done?

Well, I have noticed that keeping the "dream-book" works - the more you record them, the more vivid the recollections become. I have noticed that Monty Python has some very funny songs. Check here and try for example the song Finland or alternatively the song Ecky-ecky-ecky-ecky-pikang-zoop-boing-goodem-zoo-owli-zhiv: Monty Python songs.

I've continued writing my story. The going is rather slow, but at the moment I like what I'm producing. Then again I liked my old - and yet very unfinished - stories too, but now I am wondering if they aren't a little naïve. At the very least the characters in them tend to resemble each other too much.

Argh, I'm reminded of Milan Kundera again. The age of grafomaniacs is here. “When everyone wakes up as a writer, the age of universal deafness and incomprehension will have arrived,” he said. Why do so many of us wish to write? Because it is fun? Because it is stimulating? Because of the flow? I have to tell you of the flow someday, but now I will go back to writing.

*********************************************
ETA (that's edited to add if it only brings to mind a terrorist organisation or something else irrelevant)

In a further Monty Python spirit. Can you tell I didn't make it back to writing? Net is such a time-thief. Arrest the bugger!!


Well, u-- um, can we come up and have a look?


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Discoveries

I went out for a walk today and instead of keeping to my usual paths I headed into a completely different direction. And let me tell you, folks, the things you can find by stepping out of the well-trodden paths - well-trodden by me, not others, that is.

I came across iron mines. Yes, really. Beautiful and clearly by the look of them not something that had been in operation yesterday. My dear friend Google informs me that there lived a man by the name of Magnus Linder in 1744, who found them. Now they are surrounded by heavy wooden bars - the mines are deep, you see, and you really wouldn't want to fall down into them. There are deep crevices going into the ground, with pitch black water on the bottom of most of them. Droplets from the melting snow were falling into the water and you could just hear them echo in the caves. The sound is almost magical. And there was an old look to the forest there; with all the ferns you don't usually see and the deep green moss on the stones.

It was beautiful. I'll take my camera with me next time and show you some pictures. Strange feeling it was. This just proves that it is not always necessary to head abroad to find adventures and discover exciting things. That, boys and girls, is today's lesson. Nighty night.

Rosenrot

I haven't mentioned the R-word in a long time, have I? They have a new video out. I'd post you a link, but there are no legal ones out yet.

They are playing priests and monks and criticising some of the practises of the catholic church among other things. And of course just generally looking gorgeous; food for eye, ear and mind. Just take a look and tell me that isn't the most gorgeous man you've ever seen.

And now they gasp and ask what the hell does she see in him? Well, let me just quote a poem from him and maybe you'll get it.
Er traf ein Mädchen das war blind
Geteiltes Leid und gleichgesinnt
Sah einen Stern vom Himmel gehen
Und wünschte sich sie könnte sehen
Sie hat die Augen aufgemacht
Verließ ihn noch zur selben Nacht

(He met a girl who was blind
shared pain and alike of mind
she saw a shooting star
and wished to have her sight
opened her eyes
and left him the very same night)

Do you get it? No? Well, no matter. I do and that's enough.

I'll think I'll go now and see the video one more time.

writing

Just a short note today. I finally wrote some letters and then, da-daa, I had an idea for a story that I think is worth realising. And since I’m feeling a touch guilty about not reading enough research literature, this story is going to take place in the 18th century Sweden-Finland – with side-trips to the early 23rd century – and involve some court-scenes. As well as discussion about time and matter, truth, morals, torture and assassinations, citizenship, estates and identities... There’s nothing like an extra little boost to the motivation always now and then.

Yup, but now I need more characters. I’m going to go back to inventing some and if you are lucky – or unlucky depending on whether you like my scribblings – you get to read this story in a few years time. Just take a number and wait patiently, please.

I want something to eat

One ought to have a box somewhere – with countless topics just waiting to be written about. Then in those rare days when one doesn’t want to write about what happened during the day (stayed home again, finished recording the entries for the year 1800, read Eco and ate too much) one could just dip into the box and pull a topic out.

Now one is forced to rack one’s brains, check the TV for inspiration – how does macho guys who wish to impress you by wrestling with crocodiles sound? – or just randomly stare at the air and wait for divine revelation to strike. But alas, revelations are never there when you want them.

The TV-program is distracting – travelling in the Bahamas. Looks absolutely gorgeous. And is over just when you are about to get interested in it. Replaced by British humour. I rather like British humour. Thoughts on gardening. Why all these summery programs in the middle of winter?

- I have no idea.
- What?
- Why they are showing these programs in the middle of winter?
- It was a rhetorical question.
- And it’s not the middle of winter. It’s hardly even winter yet officially.
- A figure of speech! Darn, you’re a nimbwit, aren’t you? Where’s that nasty, sarcastic cousin of yours?
- Gone. Said that we were both damned boring and went to take a vacation in Sahara. Or possibly Costa Rica.
- Great. Do you have a topic for me to write about?
- I don’t know. Vacations?
- Vacations?
- Yeah... Is that not good? Philosophy then?
- Philosophy was where language went to take a vacation.
- What?
- Nothing. Just something someone said once. Oh, bugger it. If there is nothing to write about, there is always reading.
- Or you could talk to me. Hello? Hello? Where did you go?

Blogs

The cat is sitting on the living room table and staring at the birds and fishes in the TV again. She also likes the Christmas tree, which is a little worrying, since I think she keeps eating the whatchamacallits.

But anyway, I wasn't going to write about the cat today. I was planning to form an opinion. This morning, you see, in the paper a journalist wrote about blogs. I think he attempted criticism, but in the end his conclusion could be summarised as "I don't like blogs, since I think they are boring". Trendy, boring blogs; too many ordinary, boring people writing about their uneventful lives and not even attempting to contribute to the political/intellectual/critical discussion.

He tried to argue for his point of view by writing about his day. I didn't see it as quite as boring as he did, but then again some of us are more easily pleased than others. But why then, I have to ask myself, do I find writing this blog useful - not a boring, unnecessary exercise as the guy in the paper thought.

The first answer that came to me is that by writing about the day you create it. And I don't mean fabricate, au naturellement. By putting the day on paper you record it, prevent its slipping into the gray mass of the forgotten past. By writing you also recall events about the day that otherwise might have remained unimportant and, in that sense, recreate them. This however does not justify writing into a blog; for this there has forever been personal journals and private diaries.

Blogs are by their nature public - or at least potentially public. That means there must be an added interest in writing publicly. A practical interest or an advantage is the fact that writing publicly gives you a push to write. If I had started a personal journal in September, I think I would have stopped already weeks ago. Well, the jaded journalist says, then you probably don’t really have a need to write or anything to say, do you?

But that’s not it. I do, you see. By writing I come to realise that my life is actually much closer to my dream life than I ever thought. I do in a sense recreate my life and in reflecting about my life I see more clearly where it is that I want to go. The important thing about doing this reflection by the means of a blog is that it makes me “visible” also to others. Writing is a much more intimate and much more easier means to express one’s true nature than speech. This is who I am. By the means of a blog I am able to be who I am also to others, not just to myself.

Of course it is not interesting to everyone – I am quite sure that the cynical reporter would find my blog boring – but that is not the meaning of a blog, to reach the entire world. It has more to do with reaching oneself. But we cannot reach ourselves alone; we need others as a mirror in which our reflection is born. If we are not verbal people our reflection may become distorted. It resembles someone we do not recognise, someone we at least do not wish to be. Writing allows me to see in that mirror the other part of me, the part which makes me feel more balanced.

Christmas decorating

This weekend has gone past very fast. Yesterday was very oriented around the OYY-seminar. I was planning to only attend the actual seminar, which still lasted from 12 to 18, but I was asked to come to the closing dinner too. I was a bit hesitant since I had planned to get some things done still that evening and was feeling a little tired. I didn’t want to end up regretting not going though, so I accepted the invitation.

I’m an introvert person and especially when I’m tired I can’t be bothered to really concentrate on socialising. In my end of the table I had previously met only J, whereas the others all knew each other. That makes it more difficult to come up with things to talk about, since you do not have common history at all and do not have part in the common history of the others. The common nominator of course in our case was research, but the others were rather more social sciences and theory oriented than I am myself. If the discussion involves criticisms concerning the imprecise use of the concept empiricism and empirical sources, and you happen to be one of the people using the concept very imprecisely since you do not actually do sociological studies and it’s rather irrelevant what you call what you are doing...well, let’s just say that you can’t contribute anything terribly intelligent to the conversation then.

So it wasn’t the liveliest of all evenings, but food was fine, the speeches were funny, the acapella choir was great and I managed to make it to 23.30 train home. I didn’t spent today digging into the books of methodology and educating myself on the things that yesterday remained a little hazy to me. I spent a good part of it dragging things to the basement, cleaning up, bringing up the Christmas tree, setting up the Christmas tree and all the other decorations, baking and then settling down to read a little Eco, who is getting a bit more conventional and conservative than I thought at first.

Alrighty, I will settle down to watch the movie now. Good-natured, harmless, romantic stuff.

ugga bugga

We have snow – not too much, but still snow. It’s my first snow of the winter since we were in Brussels during that first snowstorm. Not too bad actually. This time of the year snow is still alright and helps to put one into a sort of Christmassy mood.

Today I’ve gotten rid of about 100 hundred mails in my inbox – still nearly sixty left though. Also went to represent the Finnish Lawyer’s Association again; there were only three graduates present so that did not perhaps quite fulfil its purpose. So much food left over.

From there straight to the last session of the PBL-course. I thought it went quite well, but the majority of students gave the course only 8/10. Some of that had to do with the practical stuff: not enough time, not enough books, which is what you get when something like 250 people try to read for an examination and there are only 70 odd books in the library. But still I’m a little disappointed.

After the course I was planning of going to the art museum, Ateneum, since today is some kind of get free to the museums day. Or more specifically it’s the international don’t buy anything day and the theme this year is apparently consuming culture. But Ateneum closed at six today and since I was there something like five minutes to six there was no chance of getting in anymore. I didn’t feel like trying some of the other museums so I came home.

And now I am watching a rather stupid movie and feeling restless.

dreams and exercises

Basically the third day in the row at home. Or rather it was going to be. M called this morning and needed a book that I had at home, so I went to town to take it to her. I didn’t stay though; I came home via the book store – both Guy Gavriel Kay and Stephen Donaldson have new books out, yeay! Two tickets to fantasy land just waiting in a plastic bag (new btw is a relative concept here – a book being published and making it into the Finnish bookstores are two different things).

Despite this side trip to town I still got my 150 entries done – I’m feeling pleased about that. What I didn’t get done because of that, is writing the two letters I was planning to write – sorry L, sorry S. Next week at the very latest, I promise.

My mailbox is also filling up since the thing about working home is that I want to feel “nonpressured” by outside demands – which include emails. I did check my mail today and managed to delete a good number of not important ones, but I couldn’t bring myself to do anything about the ones which required reaction. Tomorrow then.

After work I went through some of the old papers I had piled on the new desk from the drawer of the old desk. Old writings and drawings, postcards, very old girly envelopes and letter papers, which now already seem so antiquated. I can’t remember when I have last written a real letter. I found my old “dream-book”, too. When I came to study in Helsinki, I lived with a woman, who wrote down her dreams. I decided to give it a try, but apparently I have given up almost immediately. There are maybe five dreams recorded in the booklet, but they are surprisingly long and vivid. And strange. These days I hardly remember my dreams at all, which makes me think that maybe I should give the dream-book another try. Remembering dreams is partly just a matter of practise and it actually seems like a waste to miss all the weird experiences one goes through every night. The second, forgotten, exciting life.

I also have to go to the gym. My back is starting to be completely cramped and when I roll my shoulders it crunches like crazy. Hey, no time to start like now, is there? You don’t need a gym to do muscle exercises - or stretches at the very least. A soft carpet and a little space works wonders, ay? Will give it a try now.

too tired to think in English

I’ve been carrying stuff today. I went to IKEA and bought a new desk and a new work chair – 31 kilos and 15 kilos respectively. The desk was quite heavy and I did spent a few minutes contemplating whether I would be able to get it into the car, out of it and inside without any major injuries. Getting it into the car turned out to be the most difficult thing, but not a major problem. It just so happens, you see, that IKEA has helpful young men in their employ, whose job it is to help women with no muscles who have bought heavier stuff than they manage to handle.

Well, I got it out of the car and inside fairly easily, so it wasn’t actually too heavy. It took a few hours to put it together – or rather few hours for it and the chair and for dismantling the old desk. I have also sore fingers, aching back and a black and blue bruise in my elbow (unfortunate slipping of the screwdriver) to show for my efforts. But no matter, one of the fun parts about IKEA furniture is that you get to put the stuff together yourself. Gives one a sense of accomplishment even if it all happens strictly following the instructions and involves no “creation”. The not so fun part is cleaning up and trying to decide what to do with the old furniture. My storage space is rather limited, which suggests to me that maybe I should learn to throw things away.

Cleaning up tomorrow. Now watching some TV.

things I did on the second day of the week

Must wake up to write a little. I baked today – real voisilmäpulla – and when you combine eating those with reading Umberto Eco, it’s not altogether strange if one starts to nod off.

Don’t take me wrong. I like Eco – Foucault’s Pendulum. I can’t remember when I have last read a book, which so pointedly doesn’t underestimate its reader. He refers to things without explaining them; he uses words that are not in the “need to know” -list of even a fairly educated person. He makes you want to learn more, look up things, question. And all of that by page 40 when he hasn’t really even got started.

Otherwise this hasn’t been the most exciting of days. I stayed home to work again and got 150 archive entries done. By this rate I will be done writing down the year 1800 by next week; then I need to figure out how to use the information, to systematise it, make charts and tables. After that: conclusions and writing, I hope.

I have also...done laundry, washed the dishes, baked as I said, listened to some music while doing both, played a few sudokus, mucked up one Japanese puzzle, read and nodded off – and not really much else.

Let’s see what I can manage to get done tomorrow.

THE GRAND OPENING OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON

I’ve finally finished the second case for tomorrow’s PBL-course. One can always ask why I didn’t do this already on Friday. It’s not a bad question, but there are not always answers even for good questions. Done now, anyway.

I slept long, read the paper, managed to start cleaning up my wardrobe and sewed a button back on my winter coat. Then off it was to the city to watch the “Grand Opening Of The Christmas Season”. What? No, there can never be too many CAPITAL letters for the grand opening of the Christmas season.

I scraped the ice of the car and was only about five minutes late when I parked the car outside my sister’s apartment. There was not much traffic. If someone used thumbscrews or the iron maiden, I might confess that I drove a bit too fast, singing Rammstein-songs a bit too loud. But since we do not live in the middle ages anymore and all torture devices are forbidden – well, in these part’s of the world anyway – I will confess nothing.

It was a beautiful, crispy, sunny day and it was fun to have a walk downtown. The Santa and the choir were being very international – talking and singing quite a lot in English. Well, there were a fairly respectable amount of tourists around, so that was perhaps justified. We watched the procession pass us twice – Maija got a little excited about the horses the second time.

Then via the store to my sister’s – S came a little later, M and S maybe about an hour after her and M returned home with the new-made candles still later. And yes, I am using same initials for different people, so even if you think you know/assume that when using a certain initial I’m talking of you/the chap next door/the person from the town X, that doesn’t mean it would still be the same person when the initial next comes up. Confusing and totally unfair research methodologically, I know.

But anyway, where was I? Oh yes, at my sister’s. Eating, drinking, more eating, playing games, playing the piano, sitting around the table, sitting on the floor, talking, eating, surfing, throwing the ball/rock/ blue plastic dog known as Pertti/rock and ball to Maija. It was quite entertaining. We started the Christmas season early and had spiced wine and Christmas pastries (see yesterday’s entry). I realised it would be nice to have a piano. I can’t play beyond the “one finger and only the simplest notes” kind of thing and I don’t know if I would have the patience to learn. I think it might be possible to take it as a big puzzle though and learn which sign corresponds to which movement and eventually decipher it.

Dear me, I’m listening to Sister’s of Mercy from the comp and I have accidentally saved one of the live Rammstein-songs among them. Quite an amazing version of Nebel. I’m actually starting to like Sister’s of Mercy, but their music doesn’t stop me like R+. Sorry about the drooling again, but how can that man have such a divine voice.

Okay, back from the drooling. I took S, M and S home – since I had the car – and drove home (possibly a little too fast and singing Rammstein-songs on the top of my voice, but you can never be too sure of that). The cat came to greet me as soon as I came home; she does that almost always but it is possible that the thought in her mind is – as one cartoonist put it so well – “oh, the food dispenser is home”. I fed the cat, lit the candles, put Rosenrot on, started working on the case for tomorrow, took a break to make tea, checked the forum, continued with the case, finished it, switched to Sister’s of Mercy, started to write this and now I am more or less ready for bed.

It’s been a rather good weekend by all standards.

Didn't win in the lottery again

Little things can be so good, can’t they? Like making dinner in a clean kitchen, with candles burning, apocalyptica playing and some wine in your glass.

It’s pitch black outside – no snow yet – and - 1.1 °C (written earlier today, can you tell?). It’s the first time I really realise that it is only a month until Christmas. Next weekend I will put up the Christmas tree (of an urban plastic variety) and bake Christmas pastries (joulutorttuja to put it more exactly) and switch tea to spiced wine (I don’t think there is a better translation for glögi, although I wish there were, since I always feel the need to explain that it is not wine and not even alcoholic).

I’m wondering whether I ought to go to IKEA before next weekend. I need candles and – what is tuikku in English – and I want a new desk. My current one looks a little as if it had been bought for a fifteen-year-old; it’s small and there is not enough room to stretch one’s legs under it. I hardly ever use it, except as a place to pile things on. I do nearly all my writing on the couch with the computer on my lap. Once in awhile it feels as it would be nice to have a proper desk though – good for you back and all that. Now there would be room for it too. I spent a good part of the day cleaning up and moving things around. The shelf from the balcony is now in the kitchen – along with the chives (that’s ruohosipuli; learned a new word today) that were still alive. The chair is in the living room and the aquarium – currently housing only pebbles that pretend to be sand and two pieces of dried wood – is on the other side of the couch.

Yup, but that’s all folks. Will go surf now as I wait for a file to download.

A title

Yaaaaaaaawwwwnnnn. Dear tea-cup, could I ask you to materialise on the table in front of me? With a big splash of milk and a dash of sugar? Pretty please?

These days when one stays home to work are a little weird. I did go to the store during the day to get some groceries, but other than that I didn’t step out of the house. Somehow, sometimes, that makes it feel as if the day didn’t really exist. It’s a bit like living outside of time. There are many positive sides to working at home, but there definitely are also downsides. Maybe I ought to go to town tomorrow – check out the Mayan exhibition or something.

Is there anything decent in TV? A Canadian comedy just starting. I’ll give this five minutes and if I don’t like it I’ll just go back to reading Narnia.

writing

I’m feeling a touch unimaginative right now. What should I write about? Should I write about anything, if I don’t really have anything to say? This, you see, hasn’t really been what you would call the most eventful of days. Stayed home to work, but honestly said I have had more productive days than this.

I drew mindmaps and decided to incorporate the appeal-part into the other two chapters. Now I’m starting have doubts again, though. But the thing is that it is either doing it really properly or being done in an approximately decent time. If I do it properly it will take far more than a year. Damn, I am such a slow thinker. I should have been at this point already two-three years ago. But I wasn’t and now the dissertation isn’t going to end up being anywhere near as good as it could have been. But I think I’ll forgive myself.

I did get something written today as well, but only fiction. I always talk about writing, but I don’t write nearly as much as I should. I was planning to start writing a real proper story with characters and a plot. I did actually manage to create the characters and write short character-descriptions, but what happens when I start writing the story? It’s the same pseudo-intellectual crap that I always write. “There are people, who are, and people, who wish to be.” Now is that anyway to start a story.

Let me give you a better example of some of the old stuff. Translation to English, since sometimes I do actually write in Finnish too: “Does thought matter? Thinking? We contemplate matters and connect consequences to reasons, but can we say why we do it. If we get no joy out of it, is there any reason to torture one’s brain cells. They claim that the human race has to go forward – to progress – but I wish to shake them and scream “why?” Progress does not make us happy and what use is there of knowledge and material possessions, if our minds have withered.”

Okay, it’s not all like that and maybe – if I can control myself – I can really turn it into a story. Something that sounds like a novel. With a plot. Or maybe I could combine the two. Hey, the beginnings of a new idea for a story. Can you tell that if I won the lottery, this is what I’d be doing.