Musings

It's been forever since I've been here last time. So long in fact that I've started to avoid even checking the place (this falls under the good old rule that if you can't see it, it doesn't exist). To get even more exact I haven't written anything here in a month. Blimey.

I have on the other hand had quite a productive month. Easter came and went. I spent most of it at Imatra (nine days altogether), enjoyed the arrival of spring, practised my old pastime of throwing the remaining snow around and once again noticed how lovely it is to have a yard and a garden. I had planned to dedicate one of the Easter days to telling you all of the connection between Easter and Eostre, the Anglo-Saxon goddess of spring, but then I never got around to it. Maybe next year, ay?

I also went to Iceland and enjoyed six days in Reykjavik and surroundings. Got to see geysirs and mountains, craters and water falls, Icelandic ponies and plenty of rocks, moved from the American tectonic plate to the Eurasian and spent an hour getting steamed in the Blue Lagoon. Again, if you remember my photobucket address and want to take a look, head that way!

The trip to Reykjavik was a work-related thingy, a Nordic seminar in legal history. I had a workshop paper about legal professionalism as I mentioned before, and, well...I guess it didn't go altogether badly. Quite a few people actually said that they liked the presentation and after some consideration I'm liable to believe that most of them did mean it (this falls under the good old rule of don't believe everything people say, since often they are just being polite, want to make you feel good or are afraid to hurt your feelings). I actually do like the paper myself, but the problem is that I'm not sure if it is good enough. And here, of course, we come to the essential question: good for what, good enough compared to...what?

I've been reading books again, you see. Psychological books. The sort of why-are-you-not-happy-with-life -type of books. They speak of comparing yourself to other people and thereby either feeling miserable or happy with life. As in let's say you are relatively smart (who me?) and you decide to compare yourself on a daily basis to people like, say, Einstein or Kant or whoever is the chosen geeky name of your field. This is not a productive comparison, counteractive even some might say, and likely to make you feel like an idiot, even if you're really not. Like comparing yourself to Bill Gates would make you feel like a pauper, even if you had a million to your name (definitely not me!). So the lesson - one of them - is to choose more carefully your points of comparison.

Well, actually that still doesn't help terribly much. Even if I compare myself to people who are professionally at about the same level, I find it difficult to judge my own skills. In some things I'm behind, since I'm a lazy buffoon and haven't really done enough in the past few years; in other things I can measure up quite nicely.

The Reykjavik-trip was also rather instructive in teaching me why it is that I've been a lazy buffoon for so long. You see, there were two quite interesting presentations there - or to put it in other words, the other one was brilliant, the best I've ever heard, the I'm-still-excited-about-it -type of fabulous. The other one was just ordinary good. Now, the thing is that neither of these guys had their primary background in law: the one came from the field of literature, the other from theology. They spoke of things that are really interesting in law - values, morality, human interests - and I remembered again what interested me in the law in the first place: justice, protection, getting even. All the wrong reasons (considering a career in law), but I think that story can still wait. For the story in question the important thing is that I realised that research can truly be fun, but that one has to be genuinely interested about one's research questions.

And so, now for two days I've gone to work excited and eager to hit the archives. And, whether thanks to this newfound excitement or the book I'm reading, the evenings have expanded and slowed down. Yesterday I was sitting at the balcony, reading a book and I realised that I have hours every evening to do things. Not just watch tv and surf the net until it is time to go to bed, but do things. Opportunities are endless. Like last Saturday I backed my bag and went to sunbath on the backyard of our apartment house (the summer has decided to pay us a temporary visit) and for the first time ever I felt that summer and the city is perhaps not a totally impossible combination after all. Don't take me wrong, I still intend to head to the countryside, but I do believe it is perhaps, maybe not impossible to enjoy being in the city during a summer.

Gosh, now was that...interesting? Let's read that through again and see, if I'll hit the publish or the delete button.

Just had to tell you...

...that I've written five pages already! Goooood flow. I love writing!!!

One of these days I'm going to get carried away and let you read something of mine, and then you can tell me if I really suck. This current one is in Finnish and sort of semi-autobiographical, which is perhaps why it is so far rather easy to write.

Hmm, when my financing runs out and I won't get any money, I can always sell the apartment and move to Goa or to my grandparents' old house. With all that money I should be able to survive nearly four years. I can sunbath, shovel snow, grow potatoes, pick berries, write books, read books, learn languages, listen to music, play the keyboard, meditate and be good to mother nature. Is it weird that I actually find that tempting?

This is my hundredth post by the way. Kind of wasted, huh?

Creative crisis in D-minor

I have practised the fine art of cleaning this weekend. Laundry done, dishes washed, bathroom cleaned, house vacuumed and one cat spooked out. The house is spotless - well, more spotless than it was Friday anyway - the plants have been resoiled, the balcony furnished for the summer and the kitchen furniture moved around accordingly, since it now lacks one shelf. I have also practised my kitchen skills and prepared salmon soup. Nowhere near the best salmon soup I've ever eaten, but still good. Next time I'll skip the green pea's though.

The question is what else have I done? Does sudokus and net-surfing count? Stuffing more chocolate and liquorice into m'body? I was planning to try and write something today. Perhaps I should just get on with that. The only thing is that I'm annoyed with all of my old stories. They are naïve and pointless. You can only write something good, if you have something to say, so what is it that I want to say exactly? That we should beware of people who want to nuke their problems out of existance? I don't know if you noticed it, but there was a small news clip in the paper this morning; it said that the US is thinking of nuking Iran, because Bush and his cronies are convinced that the Iranian president is a new Hitler. Wasn't that a happy piece of information? It's also an ingenious final solution. If you wish to prevent anyone from ever using nuclear weapons - since those dastardly little things can kill people and all - go and kill all the people who might use them. "Ich muss zerstören, doch es darf nicht mir gehören...."

Music and chocolate

Not even with all the best of intentions.... Yep, I don't seem to be able to manage anymore the same kind of enthusiasm for my poor little blog than I did in the beginning. Is it already a year since I started writing my blog? Hmm, almost, a couple more weeks to go, it seems. My first entry (Margyarad, not here) seems to be from the 22nd of April last year.

It's been quite a good week again. Yesterday was my turn to teach on that methodology course for post-graduate students that I mentioned some time ago: mentality history and Fernand Braudel's concept of historical time. It went much much better than last year and I'm quite happy with the lesson. It does indeed help if you actually understand what you are teaching.

Since I had such an arduous time preparing for the course earlier this week, I took it a bit easier today. I stayed home, stuffed myself with candy from "Hullut päivät" and took a break from working in the middle of the day to watch a German children's movie from TV. Now, why would she do that? Watch a kids' movie? Probably to learn German, you may guess. Or could it have something to do with the fact that everyone's favourite singer, that big bloke from Rammstein, was playing one of the bad guys? Would she skip the pleasures of working just to see Till throw some muscle around? Now that is the question...

Wednesday I went to the release party of Montevideo's debut album "Come clean". My sister's boyfriend plays in the band, so I was invited to come along too. They were playing in a nice little place called Belly. Not a whole lot of people in there, but the atmosphere was good. And so was the music. They got four stars in today's Helsingin Sanomat and rightly so, I say. They really are very good.

I'm back!

Gosh, I've been gone for nearly three weeks! Pheew! Well, I'll try to be a good girl from now on and write here a bit more often.

I came back from Barcelona late last wednesday. A week of sunshine and warmth, parks and beaches, museums, churches, art and architecture, tapas, sangria, carajillos and pastries behind me. It was GOOOOOD! Especially the sunshine.

The first couple of days the temperature was still below twenty, but on the best days it got to somewhere around 23 degrees. When I left Finland Tuesday morning, it was in the freezing weather of -12 degrees, so I rather enjoyed the difference. In Barcelona it was also easy to notice how people in different parts of the world are accustomed to different weather. You could see tourists there enjoying the weather in t-shirts and some even in shorts; the locals on the other hand were sporting heavy winter coats and shoes. Winter coats in a weather the likes of which you can expect here in June or July...

I don't still have too many pics to show, since the CD on which I loaded the pics, claims to be empty. I may have to wait until I get the pictures from my sister's computer, which may take quite a long time. There are a meagre six or seven pics on my photobucket, so those who know and remember the address can go and check them out. Most of the good pics are still to come though, since there really was quite a lot to see.

Montjuïc and Park Güell ended up being my favourite places. Montjuïc is a beautiful tall hill, on which you can find beautiful parks, museums and an old 18th century castle (and for instance the Olympic Stadium which failed to interest me in the least). I did however spend two days up near the castle, on a beautiful place overlooking the sea, reading my book and enjoying my lunch.

Park Güell, a beautiful park with lots of Antonio Gaudi's designs, was equally beautiful. The only annoying thing were the immense hoards of Italian, French and Spanish school children of all ages, who had taken over entire Barcelona. There were all over Park Güell as well, but eventually I succeeded in finding a place up in the hills, where I could settle with my book and lunch without being deafened by all the yelling and laughing.

I got more convinced than ever that heaven is sunbathing among nature and reading a good book. There really is nothing better.

And think that some lucky buggers get to do that for nearly all year round, whereas we are lucky if we manage two months.

Gone for a couple of days

Just a short note to say that March is indeed turning out to be as busy as I predicted. I will have to get back to guest lectures, parties and concerts (another tomorrow by the way) in a few days time, since now there is just too much to do. I'll be back!

Congratulations K!

Life is busy. I’m at work and should start to prepare for the party soon.

The public defence of K’s doctoral thesis took place this morning. His opponent was from Yale University and was not totally aware of all the traditions of the Finnish style public defence, so it didn’t last as long as usual. It was quite entertaining though, since the foreign opponents usually have more eye for the show-aspects of the occasion instead of badgering the debater about spelling mistakes in footnote 145. Good, relevant questions, which were not too specific. Even people who were not legal historians said that it was easy to follow. The contemporary concerns and biases of Roman Law scholars in the interpretation of ancient Roman legal history was basically the subject of this morning.

And it was the first dissertation ever (the book, not the defense this morning) in which my name was mentioned! ;-) It is common to write a page or two of thanks in the beginning of the dissertation. K had thanked quite a large amount of people by name, so I was there too.

But anyway, it was a good occasion. A couple of us went to have lunch afterwards, which was nice too. One of the Swedish quests came along and I noticed again my limitations with the language. I had absolutely no problems understanding Swedish when the Finns spoke it. I even found myself speaking fairly fluently. But when this guy speaks… I have to concentrate like crazy and I still miss a considerable deal of what he is saying. He is from Skåne, which kind of explains it. (skånska is an insane dialect from Southern Sweden, for those of you not in the know.)

I didn’t see any point in trying to rush home to prepare for the evening, so I took my clothes and accessories and make-up with me here and will start prettifying myself in an hour. Have done that before and I’m sure will do it again in the future. Sometimes it is nice to dress up – although expensive. I’m using my old evening dress, but I decided that I needed at least some new jewellery. So, I went shopping yesterday evening and ended up spending 100 euros on necklaces, ear-rings, scarves, a handbag and a couple of other things (including MGM! Finally!). Insane. It’s kind of good that we are using euros these days, because in the old days I would never have spent 600 marks on things like that. Argh, I don’t even want to think about that.

I have lots of new pretty jewellery now though. All I have to do anymore is to learn to use them. ;-)

Yeah, but it’s been busy. K’s opponent gave a lecture yesterday, about the separation of Church and State and compared the situation in US and Europe (North of the Alps). It was actually really fascinating and it was interesting to hear about the fundamental differences in here and in the States. In the States, you see, there is a clear separation of Church and State and they think that they are a bastion of religious freedom. Don’t laugh yet, since there is an explanation to this. The point is, that whereas they have this institutional strong separation of Church and State, what they don’t have is a separation of religion and politics. So in the US the government is not allowed to for instance fund the churches and all religious symbols are forbidden in state schools – which is not the case in Europe. However, there religion is present in politics, government and law in a way that would unthinkable in Europe. The politicians appeal to god, in court it is possible to use the bible as an authoritative source and religious arguments are used in legislative activities. He gave an interesting example of a case where the issue was to decide whether a murderer ought to be sentenced to a life in prison or to a death penalty; the result being that he was eventually sentenced to death because of arguments based on the bible.

He explained the difference with the different role of the state in US and Europe. Here the state has taken over church functions (for instance: religious charity --> welfare state) and so the church has lost most of its power as a political as well as a moral and charismatic actor. In the US the same thing hasn’t happened and so the role of the church is far stronger, the state is not allowed to intervene in church functions (hence the strong institutional separation of church and state) and religion plays a far greater role in politics.

He stressed the fact that you can’t say which system is better than the other. From the European point of view the US-system of course sounds a bit worrysome. Especially as he said that there is this strong tendency in the world right now that religions are becoming more and more important worldwide. George W. and the republicans represent this of course, but what was interesting was the democratic party’s response to this. You would have thought that they would be putting forward an alternative, liberal, secular view, but no! Instead they are emphasising their own religious world view. Both of the parties in US are now competing on which one is the MORE religious. Scary!

Damn, I’d love to continue with this, but now I have to go and put on some lipstick and pretty jewels. Priorities. ;-) I will continue tomorrow though, because he had another good example about the principle of proportionality and the US.

The cat has a cold

Yesterday I failed to read my fifty pages for the first time. I was just about to fall asleep when I remembered that I was still about twenty pages short. It was past midnight and I was feeling far too tired to even form a sensible thought anymore, so I didn't scramble up to find my book.

We went out to eat yesterday after finally treating my sister to her "birthday-surprise". We had - thanks to the imagination of M - gotten her an hour at a floatation tank - or a sensory deprivation tank as they are also known. Around the world those are an old thing, but in Helsinki there's only been one since last September. It looked like something one might want to try sometime. Eating out was fun too and something I haven't done in awhile. How about a new plan? Eating out at least once a month?

Today I stayed home to work again. I got around to fixing the part of my dissertation, which is still the biggest mess and despaired a little at its condition. It will be good eventually, but right now it definitely isn't. It's a big jumble of questions about the development of royal jurisdiction, about truth and the means of finding it, about appeal procedure and functions of higher jurisdiction and who knows what. I should fix that. And I should be drawing conclusions from the judgments of the 1780's. And I quite definitely should be already working on my seminar paper for the seminar in Iceland. I am going to be talking about Legal Professionalism in the 18th Century and using the judges of The Vaasa Appeal Court as an example of course. I'm also hoping to rewrite the seminar paper later and publish it as an article in one of the Finnish legal periodicals. Oh, and then I definitely, definitely should be already educating myself about the history of mentalities. I'm supposed to be giving a two hour lecture about it to the post-graduate students in less than a month. Okay, so I've been doing that already for two years, but I'm not particularly happy with how it went last year. Have all the intention of improving.

I dug the car out of the snow earlier today and got it moving eventually. The ground had gotten a little icy, since I hadn't driven the car in awhile and, well, you know how it gets. It was the same thing last time so at least I was prepared. I went to the post office to collect a package and now I am a happy owner of two Rammstein-shirts. ;-)

They are very purty. And luverly. And I honestly think that I am going to be wearing one of them tomorrow to the concert. Finlandia Hall, Torsten Rasch and Mein Herz brennt, remember? I'm really looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it was - probably not tomorrow though.

Life is so good.....

I am going to Spain! Barcelona!! Muhahahahaa!!!

My sister's in Barcelona for this student-exchange thingy and I've been sort of thinking ever since she left last fall that I should go and visit. The operative words here being "sort of thinking". As in my usual "I really should" -kind of way, all the time making excuses as to why I can't really go. I don't really have the time, Spain isn't really my favourite country, it's really too expensive, I don't know if I would really enjoy it... Bullshit!! I've just been worried about doing something new again. I do have the time. I have like the most flexible job in the world, Barcelona is beautiful, it hardly costs anything and besides you can't put a price on experiences.

Jeez, I'm so excited. And jeez, I'm going in two weeks. Another muhahahahaa!

You'd laugh too if you knew my usual level of spontaneity.

Jep, but I decided yesterday that if I was going to go, I'd better dig up my calendar and do something about the "But there's really no good time to go" -argument. I didn't want to go in April, since then is Easter and after that I'm going to Iceland. Did I mention about that? I am going to Iceland!! Yay! It's a work-related trip, so basically all costs paid (I'm staying for an extra night at my own cost to do some sightseeing) and I'm mucho, mucho happy about it. I've wanted to go to Iceland for a loooong time. But anyway, that's why I couldn't postpone the Spain-trip to April. And I didn't really want to do it in May, since then the summer is so close. So I am going now! And escaping a week of snowy, cold Finland!! So fabulous!!!

Damn, I've nearly wasted this months supply of exclamation marks. I think I have to call Punctuation-r-us to order some more.

Oh, who cares? Spain!!!! Barcelona!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Warm weather and sun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reading

I finished JM Coetzee’s ”Life and Times of Michael K” today. It’s not a bad book by any standards, but somehow I find his books a little “distant”. It’s like looking at things from a surface and seeing people move underneath, but never being able to reach them or touch them. And yet it is not a superficial book. Coetzee is South-African and he wrote it in 1983 to protest against apartheid. So not a light book, but despite the subject it failed to really move me on an emotional level. I did notice that my knowledge about South-Africa’s past is a little hazy. They kept talking about a war and I had no idea which war there was going on then.

I played a little again and nearly have one song memorised. ;-) I remembered that I borrowed some “self-help” books from the library a couple of weeks ago and dug them up. I read about how to “Be your Best” and found out what Linda Adams thinks you ought to do to stand up for yourself and be less nice. She has some points, but if one was to carry on discussions like she suggests one would sound like a guiltifying bugger, who could not read other people’s emotions and intentions at all. So I don’t think I’m going to be following her advices.

Her style of writing is quite fluent though, so I think I’ll go and finish her book anyway.

...If I can get connected to blogger first...Damn, they are slow sometimes.

Walls and windows

I've spent hours cleaning up today (which wasn't so bad). Also went to the store to get some more healthy food. I've noticed that these two months of living healthily - more or less - has changed my sense of taste. Pineapple juice tastes almost too sweet to drink. Evenings with chocolate, chips, lemonade and others of the same sort have been replaced by evenings with rye-bread, cheese, tomato and honeyed tea. And which one do you think tastes better? Yup. The idea of rye-bread and light cheese makes my mouth water. These days I miss those evening meals of chocolate cake with whipped cream only once a week, if even that often.

There was a long story in the newspaper (or its montly supplement) today about Finnish people living in Goa - some there for good, some only for the winter months. It's a cheap place apparently. With 400 euros you can rent a house and live handsomely for a month. Gazing out at the ocean from your window, taking long walks on the beach - and suffering from diarrhoea-causing amoeba. Amoeba and hippies aside, it still sounded rather wonderful. Would anyone like to spend the first two-three months of the next year in Goa? Or somewhere else equally cheap and warm?

Menace in Europe

I've been reading some stuff from this coughcrazycough American lady, who is a religious conservative with a big chip on her shoulder. Religious conservatives are a bunch of people, whose way of thinking is almost as far from my one as possible. The ones definitely included, who believe that America is the saviour of the world and everyone who doesn't think and act like they do, is automatically an enemy.

Reading stuff from people like that can be an extremely frustrating experience. Sometimes it can be hilarious too. Let me quote this particular woman: "All that said, there is one surpassing reason for Europeans to feel hope: The existence of the United States."

ROFL, I am still laughing at that.

But it's not really funny, is it? There are millions of people out there who believe exactly like she does. And that is why the wars of this world will never end.Very, very frustrating. And sad.

The month of Mars

March is here - and promises to be a busy month. More things in my calendar than in a long while. In order to survive this busy, busy month I have been eating today like a huge famished hog - and naturally not exercising in order not to lose any of those extra calories. Did I mention that when we had that seminar in Lammi a couple of weeks ago, I gained a kilo in two days? I rather fear this might be one of those days too.

It's bloody cold outside. Okay, it's only around minus ten, but it feels like it was a lot more. You would think that as it is already March - even if only the first of the month - it would slowly start getting warmer. I guess one has to wait another month still. I don't actually mind winter as much as I did a couple of years ago, but I still wish the spring/summer would hurry up and get here soon! Still one has to start making summer plans, since the days go by so fast. To stay in town or not to stay in town, that's the question.

Ate nearly a kilo of mandarins today

Started my day at the gym again. I was able to read my fifty pages while using the exercise bike, so that was an hour well spent. This is definitely one of those things that I love about my job; how many other people are able to sit in the sauna at midday - or decide in the morning that I don't want to wake up yet or don't want to go to the office today. All possible with still getting everything done that you were supposed to.

I really will never be able to have a proper 9 to 5 job, am I? Completely spoiled now. (Don't take me wrong though, it's not always just a walk in the park, this job. Can be tremendously stressful sometimes, it can.)

Got my car back. And a present from Paris. Thank you, they're very pretty. And already put to good use. The "Praeludium 1" I haven't tried yet though. ;-) Hey, I can't even play Frère Jacques two-handedly.

Sun still shining

A good day today. I stayed home and fiddled with my dissertation. Now it looks far more sensible again and after I get all my notes inserted, I may just find out that I have written far more than I thought. Eeexcellent. Perhaps one now dares to go “back to the sources” and leave the writing for a little while, despite all my promises. One needs to adjust to the demands of the situation when the occasion so requires after all. Yup, I have to go through all the stuff that I already have and then pick up the phone and reserve a room from the guesthouse of the University of Vaasa once more. Have I mentioned that I really like that place.

I went and bought the headphones today and gave the keyboard a second try. I’m still having serious difficulties in getting right hand play one thing, and the left hand another. Neither have I yet quite mastered the half and quarter notes, and the songs tend to sound a bit unrecognisable. Fun though.

I am also very fond of my new ministereos , which I bought a couple of weeks ago. The sound is nowhere near perfect – big surprise since they were again the cheapest thing that could be found in the store – but so much better than playing cd’s on the computer. Couch, a book, a big cup of tea and something nice playing – is there anything much better than that. I have also to my horror discovered that I really like Coldplay and CMX. Damn, I’m feeling a little traitorous now (inside Rammstein joke, so don’t wonder if you didn’t get it).

Okay, let’s see if I can connect to blogger now.

Sunny Sunday

Beautiful, sunny day today. Couldn't be bothered to go out though. Sundays have definitely become days when I really ought to kick myself, at least if I were to hold myself to those promises I made during New Year's. Too much sitting at the computer and wasting the hours away playing games.

I gave a try to the keyboard today. I didn't manage to buy the headphones yet, so I didn't have a heart to play very long. I can remember how annoying it is when someone is playing, who doesn't know what they are doing. I'm too mindful of the neighbours, aren't I? This doesn't bode well for my "learning to be less nice" -policy.

A person on TV with disgustingly white teeth. Is that supposed to look good? Probably. Well, I guess I have a weird taste anyway when it comes to human beauty.

I am being terribly insightful today, aren't I?

Neglect

I've somehow gotten in the habit of neglecting my poor little blog. I blame the Sudoku. All those happy evenings that I used to spend in front of the TV writing the blog, I now clickety-click away at Sudoku. Hopefully it is really good for logical skills or something such like.

I love Saturdays. Possibly the best part about weekends is that one gets to sleep in. Hmmm, that might be a bit of an exaggeration. Alright, so not the best, but one of the best. That'll do. I love sleeping in.

So I slept in, fed the cat, checked the forum and eventually headed to town. We had a meeting of the Nordic Association, the secretary of which I am supposed to be. I've been a very bad secretary for the past year. Naughty me. I still haven't written some of the protocols of last year's meetings; on the other hand we hardly had any meetings to write protocols about. Now it remains to be seen whether we will get a new board for the association or whether it has reached the end of its short and happy life.

This hasn't been the best week when it comes to healthy life, so I tried to improve the score a little by going to the gym after the meeting. Not enough to counterbalance the doughnuts today and especially all that candy on Thursday. The local movie theatre celebrated their seventh year in business on Thursday and showed movies since 8 o'clock in the morning. Went to see both Casanova and Narnia - and the verdict: they sucked. I assumed that Casanova was going to be serious historical drama, but it turned out to be a romantic comedy with absolutely no sense of history. One of those "let's dress up and pretend that we are 21st century people in pretty historical settings". Narnia on the other hand was exactly what it was written out to be: a moralistic children's fairytale. I guess I just forgot that I am not a child anymore.

considered impromptu decisions

Ha-haa, I did it. Bought the keyboard - it's the cheapest, smallest, crummiest version I could find, but still it has all kinds of exciting functions. Weird tunes and rhythms and who knows what. I still need to buy head-phones so I can properly start to practise.

It's been a good day today. I went to work quite late, since I had to take the car to my sister's after she got back from work. Going to Imatra, she was. I got a number of things done in the morning that I had been putting off for a long time. Cleaning up the cobwebs, real and metaphorical, makes one a happy woman.

Yaaawwwwnn, tired again. I have to go to the shower now.

Byeee.

Go curling-team.

Kalju mies televisiossa

It's been forever since I've last written here. And I have a headache so I'm not going to do a full update now either - involves however seminars, birthday parties, concerts, massages, movies, new mini-stereos, moving furniture around, ups and downs of healthy life, conversations with Jehovah's witnesses and a realisation which I'm going to have to write to S about. Which reminds me that I still have to write nearly all those letters I was planning to write already during Christmas. And a number of other things I really should do. Like getting my tax card updated so I'll get a proper paycheck at least next month. And taking the bloody x'mas tree finally into the basement.

Damn. I keep postponing things again.

As a irrelevant side remark, I realised only a couple of weeks ago that writing x'mas for Christmas is not just being fashionable and "cool", but actually has a point. Replacing Christ with an X, the unknown factor. No longer celebrating something given, authoritative and religious, but something we have to question, something specific and subjective. Simple, yet clever. From now on I'm celebrating x'mas. But realisations aside, my x'mas tree is still standing in the corner and waiting for me to get off my lazy butt!

I am starting to thing that if I had money, I would hire a cleaning person. A personal secretary. A little green bunny-eared rose-smelling slave, who would scurry about and fetch me glistening stars and singing nyads.

Headache.

Cold fun gods

It's cold. Cold now, cold at work. I actually had to read with my gloves on today, which is a bit too much. Must remember to take an extra sweater to work tomorrow or a really big scarf or something.

I was to play squash today for the first time in my life and one can say without hesitation that at first I rather sucked. Eventually though I got the racket to connect with the ball and realised that squash is not a bad way to exercise. I've always thought that the game is about crashing into walls and running oneself breathless, but apparently that is only for pros. For beginners who are more into playing than winning points it is just plain fun.

The world is still going slightly mad and our oh so tolerant religions are proving their toleration to everyone. Is it really much wonder when one considers the origins of our monotheistic religions? Yahweh/Jahve, the god of Jews and Christians, was originally a god of war, Muslims' Allah may or may not be the same god (or perhaps a Moon god with three daughters). Islam is said to have originally meant the strength which characterized a desert warrior who - even when faced with impossible odds - would fight to the death for his tribe. Why wouldn't people with such gods value bloodshed?

Can gods change their minds? Or do people have to learn to think for themselves?

"Good lord! Is it not a silly sort of argument to reckon by the same works that one man is a god whilst his rivals are mere "sorcerers"?"
Celsus, c. 170 CE (Common Era, previously known as AD)

eeny, meeny, miney, mo

- Healthy life is more difficult in town because everyday someone is offering you chocolate or pastries or lunch at a Mexican place.
- If you haven't been to the gym to work out in a year or so, then you're arms are going to ache like a bitch still three days after you start again.
- Imre Kertész's "Kaddish for an Unborn Child" is a dizzying whirlwind of thoughts and mows its way to one's list of favourite books without losing a bit of its strength.
- The cat is much more talkative here than back at Imatra and keeps waking one up every night.
- As a result of aforementioned point and just generally sleeping badly one was too tired last Saturday to watch "Good bye Lenin", which is just generally a bummer.
- When you wish to see a movie and there are places left only in the first row, go watch something else.
- World is going slightly mad and people wish to annihilate each other because of lines on the paper, so never say that pictures or words can't kill.
- Know when it is time to leave the last apple on the tree.

Naked future

You remember when I claimed to be tired yesterday? Well, it turned out that I wasn't physically all that tired after all, since it was 2 o'clock before I went to bed. Yesterday, you see, was the first showing of Rammstein's new video "Mann gegen Mann" on German MTV and one just had to wait until someone posted a copy of it on the net. MGM is their gay-video (pro-gay of course) and most of them are playing naked on it, so...well, one just HAD to wait.

And I can say that it was definitely worth it.

On a totally different note I've realised today that if I actually wish to become a researcher, I have to change my attitude to doing things. I don't know if I have ever really truly hundred-percently believed that I could have a career in research, but now I suddenly do. My financing runs out at the end of this year and now this week there has been talk of couple of hypothetical - very, very hypothetical - options for the next few years. I am not going to tell you about them, since I believe that if you talk of things before they are certain they will never come to pass.

But possibly-never-occuring-hypothetical-options aren't an important thing in themselves. What is important is that they create a future, give person a reason to invest in this job, make it sensible and worthwile suddenly. It is also nice to notice that other people see it as kind of natural that you would and could continue and have faith in your capabilities. Very exciting all of this.

Back in town

I'm home again. Got back yesterday and in a wonderful time of 2 hours 57 minutes. And as always I will admit to speeding only under torture.

House was still in one piece and proper order - except for the fact that I had left the light on in the bathroom and the inevitable mountain of mail.

Today was a busyish day at work: in addition to the usual reading - and writing, which I was happy to get done - I did a thing or two for next week's seminar. Plus there was the board meeting of the institute and the meeting of the comparative circle. And the mail there of course.

I didn't wish to abandon my healthy life either, so I went to the gym for an hour to use the bike, which is why it was after eight before I got home. The cat was happy to see me. And apparently I am now too tired to write anything than morse-style three-word sentences, which is why it is better to put a stop to this asap.

Piano and politics

I had all sorts of plans for how to spend my time when I came here to "babysit" the cats. One of them was to sit down at the piano and see if learning how to play would be fun. The piano has been moved from the living room and is right now behind locked doors in a room, which isn't kept warm (my dad wants to save in the heating costs), so I only remembered that the bloody piano exists earlier this week. And it was only today that I finally decided to give it a try.

I found one of my sister's old "piano for beginners" -types of books after trying to play something a bit more advanced and failing miserably. Starting from the beginning, however, turned out to be a good idea. Now I know a couple of more things about notes, managed to play something elementary two-handed and realised that playing is indeed fun. I am not going to buy meself a piano, but I could invest in a keyboard. For a beginner that's basically the same thing, isn't it?

Hmm, hmm, hmmmm. Couple more hours and we'll know the name of our next president. I still haven't followed the debates very closely, but I can't have helped noticing some of the things expressed in the local newspaper. Imatra has traditionally been a fairly socialdemocratic area and perhaps that's why Niinistö's supporters have been quite vocal in their opinions. I have nothing against Niinistö personally - I'll even admit to finding him rather charming sometimes - but reading the views of some of the people backing him up reminded me clearly why I do not want him to win. I had ever so momentary doubts after the first round because some of the things Halonen said started to annoy me. Then I read the readers' letters and remembered that it is about values.

Now I am sure - fervently hope - that Niinistö, even though being clearly on the right on the economic scale, is still fairly libertarian on the social scale. (If you want to know where you stand, take the following test . Also explains nicely why when grouping people it is not enough to take into consideration the old left-right division, but why you also have to pay attention to where you fit on the authoritarian-libertarian scale. I was happy to find out that my views coincided best with people like Dalai Lama, Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela. Thanks to P for bringing this test into my attention.)

Anyhow, it seems that quite a few of Niinistö's supporters definitely do not belong to the libertarian side, whatever he himself may think. I couldn't read too many of those viewpoints though. Is it because I'm too cowardly? Because I don't want to know that there are so many people who harbour such old-fashioned, intolerant ideas? Because if one were to admit to oneself, that those people do exist - in hordes - then there is always the decision: whether to close one's eyes and let things be or actually try to do something about them. I've never been active or political, but earlier it was mainly because I didn't have too many opinions. I didn't care. Now that I have accumulated some opinions it remains to decide whether one should be more active in promoting them. Or can one convince oneself that it is enough to vote always once in awhile?

Music is good for the soul

I ha've five neeeewww CeeDeehees. Yaaaayyyy!!

I went to the store to get some groceries and started to wonder whether I ought to reward myself - for the healthy life - with some chocolate. After some contemplation I decided that it would be a smarter idea to buy a CD instead, if I now absolutely had to reward myself. One little chocolate bar just makes one mad and a complete cake or something along those lines - which I am quite capable of eating on a one go by myself - might ruin my diet completely. I have no self-control and therefore have to be kind of absolutist about this.

Anyway, headed for the CD-tracks hoping to find SOAD's Mesmerize. I got Hypnotize for X'mas and SOAD is now securily in my top three of favourite bands. They didn't have Mesmerize, but they did have one of their old ones "Steal this album!". Soad's first album "System of a Down" doesn't really appeal to me so much, but I am liking this one a lot. Good stuff. I also got Coldplay's X&Y (yes, naughty me) and some Finnish music: Kotiteollisuus, Children of Bodom and CMX. Yum. The good thing about being stingy is that once you DO want to buy something, you don't have to count the pennies. Plus they were all on sale, so it wasn't as expensive as it could have been.

Now I have to buy stereos.

same-o, same-o

I have been away from here again - mostly because I haven't felt like writing the same thing day in and day out. I mean, is it so interesting how my healthy life is progressing? Going quite well, btw, I have lost nearly 1½ kilos since coming to Imatra and I think I will soon fit into some of my old clothes. I still have three more kilos to go to get to where I was a couple of years ago - put some weight on? who? me? - but I think I may just make it this time (this time refers to the fact that I've been on a diet for the past fifteen years or so. Tschk, tschk.).

I have fallen in love with my ministepper and I am seriously considering torturing my neighbours with it. It's so much fun that I don't know if I can give it up. Especially with the new 2005 tour DVD coming out soon. And all the bootlegs that I have. Ooh, just think of those hours of joy. Poor, poor neighbours.

I have created some babymuscles in my arms - or at least aching that leads me to hope I have - thanks to shoveling (scooping?) snow for the past three days. Pretty long driveway this house has. So far I'm still positively disposed towards all this snow related exercising. Or let's say that it is fun as long as it doesn't take so much time from working that one get's stressed. Hm, that's actually kind of ironic. Work is sitting inside at a computer or lying about on a couch with a book, whereas sweating outside with a snow scoop is recreational.

Okay, now I'll go and see if I could finally finish that book by Günter Grass. Yes, I'm still reading it, but it is pretty long. Kampela it is called - I have no idea what it is in English - and I will thoroughly recommend it to everyone. It's about men and women, relationships through the times, about hunger, and co-dependency, and things that tie us down and prohibit us from growing into what we could be. And a number of other things all expressed in words which keep flowing, flowing, flowing. Beautiful.

Undue influence

The day goes by so fast. I didn’t get my page written today, because today I went to town to vote. And to finally see if there was anything for me in the sales. Politics and shopping. Politics and shopping, which shall we talk about? Politics, shopping, shopping, politics…. Okay, shopping it is. I did buy something today, but nothing that was on sale. Today’s fashions apparently aren’t my thing, which of course is a rather good thing, since then one doesn’t have to spend a fortune on clothing.

Or actually it is quite the opposite, isn't it? The fact that I want clothes, which are at the same time cheap (maximum 20 euros would be good), stylish and good quality, could be said to be a somewhat impossible combination. Maybe I just have to accept the fact that if I wish to have the type of clothes that I want, I have to part with a bit more cash. Which is a bummer, since on some basic level I can’t really see the point in spending money on clothes. I’ll have to start brainwashing myself: “nice clothes are good for your self-esteem, nice clothes are good for your self-esteem…” Or would that just be falling into the mindtraps of advertisers and clothes industry?

I also went to the store in order to get some food – it is more difficult to survive without food than latest fashions, you see – and I realised that most of the food being sold is very unhealthy and greasy and fattening and…stuff. It seems that if one wishes to follow a healthy and nutritious diet one has to learn to cook. Could I do that? A new hobby? Fun maybe? Eating healthy is expensive and time-consuming – and I’m not completely kidding here – but on the other hand it is good for a person. One could claim that subsisting on a couple of pieces of bread and a big bag of candy a day – which is what I have done more than once in the past – is not good for one’s physical and mental health. Yep, I’ll learn how to cook. And it WILL be fun.

Are routines a good thing?

I don’t think I am going to tell you what I have been doing, since it involves books, old court records, clickety clicking the computer, ministeppers, music-DVDs, sauna and healthy food. There isn’t really terribly much one can do here. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that during winter time it is after all better to live in a city. Somewhere where there is more than one movie theatre and public transportation that works. Summer, of course, is another thing completely.

But it ain’t summer yet. It has gotten a little warmer, around minus twelve or so anymore. One might almost think that that smacks of spring. Almost. Might. Like never.

And think that in Australia they are having a heat-wave. 40 degrees Celsius there and here it’s been sixty less. Earth is a weird place.

With this mindblowingly exciting weather report I bid you good night.

Cold, colder, gear sticks freezing

I cannot remember when I have for the last time worked so diligently for five days in a row. Writing, reading and going through the source material every day. I can see why people say that if you want to get something done, you need to get away from the normal surroundings.

It also helps that I'm working on my laptop, which isn't connected to the net here; so no quickies to the net to check sites when one get's bored. The house computer - even if it is fairly new - takes the insanely long time of nearly ten minutes to start, it screws things up if you put it on stand-by and because of some glitch or another, it's virus-databases haven't been updated in nearly a month, and therefore one is not in the habit of clicking it open the very first thing in the morning. Good for working; bad for up-dating the blog, since I usually write in the evenings on the couch while I am watching TV. Of course that is not impossible now either in this marvelous time and age of memory-sticks.

Ooh, speaking of sticks. I used the car today for the first time in a week (went to the store). The car started just fine, but the gear stick had frozen. Nearly broke the damn thing, when I first tried to get it to move. After five minutes' massage-session it finally started to switch gears and after a few more moves it stopped tearing itself from the whatever that part of the car is called. Cold out there, I tell you.

Yeah. Can you tell I haven't done anything even remotely exciting? Since the temperature is still around minus twenty, I have skipped my walks in the past few days. And patted myself on the back for bringing the noisy mini-stepper with me. I have found out that by watching Live aus Berlin or Lichtspielhaus (DVD's of guess which mid-European musical group) I am capable of putting the mini-stepper to good use for an hour and a half, singing most of the time and still not feeling too tired after that. And I can still remember the time when I was absolutely dead after ten minutes... It's a shame though I can't do the same thing at home; the neighbours would go mad.

Or mabbe the old couple living next door to me are secretly fans of hard rock played on full blast and accompanied by an appreciative ministepper. Alas, but even if they were, there is no way they could cope with my singing.

Tyr's day

Fire is beautiful. It’s minus fourteen outside and I’ve been using the fireplace earlier today and now the sauna is warming up again. The cold weather is a lovely excuse to stare at the fire.

I’ve been busy work wise. Read my 200+ pages (since Saturday), written more than two pages thus far and spent six hours transcribing the judgments from 1780 (since yesterday). No conclusions to tell you yet, but if someone tells you that the concept Grand duchy (suuriruhtinaskunta / storfurstendömet) was used of Finland only in the Russian times, you can tell them to bugger off. Finland is called Storfurstendömet already in those documents from the 1780 – and probably had been for a long time before that, but don’t ask me how long. Can’t be bothered to google now for the answer to that question.

Off to sauna now, will be back in a bit. I need to go wash off my facial mask: I’m trying to prettify myself again and the mask is starting to be more than dry.

Back now, cleansed and nourished. What else have I done? I have been out for a walk every day, continued my healthy life and I am happy to record that since the beginning of the aforementioned “healthy life” I’ve already lost altogether three kilos. Two more and it should show, six more and I am hopefully happy. Right now I’m just happy that I don’t even want chocolate and that this time healthy life has continued past two weeks.

Other than healthy life, and work, and sauna, and TV and sudokus, and Günter Grass (who is excellent and fast on his way to my list of favourite writers), I haven’t really done anything. Maybe I’ll go out and buy some milk tomorrow.

Presidential elections

The smell of tar is one of the most wonderful smells in the world. The parental units left today and I have the house to myself. I’ve been to the sauna again and I think I will continue to put it to good use during the next two weeks. If the firewood runs out before the summer you’ll know who to blame.

Oh dear, the weather forecast is promising -23 degrees for Thursday. Damn. I’m going to have to move to the sauna.

Today was the first round of the presidential elections. About eighty percent of the votes have been counted and it looks like a second round will be necessary. Two more weeks of televised debates then. I haven’t really followed them very thoroughly, since I knew who I would vote for and I find most of the TV-debates very embarrassing. The candidates can’t be very frank in their answers, some of the questions are completely idiotic and everyone is getting agitated and talking on top of each other. With just two candidates it might be better, more civilised and hopefully without the need to make the candidates play monkeys.

Now 96.3 percent have been counted and there will definitely be a second round.

In the eastern lands

I'm here. The roads were good and for the most part nearly empty. I had to get annoyed at the slow driving people only after Somerharju - seriously, it's more hazardous to be driving ten kilometres per hour too slow than too fast. Perhaps not for the person driving, but everone else behind him. Snailing along makes you irritated, sleepy and is a bitch for concentration. Luckily I got past them relatively quickly and made it here in little less than three hours and ten minutes. With one stop and considering it's winter that's a really good time.

It's a real winter here. Not like home, where I noticed this morning that I can now see green lawn even from my kitchen window. In a way nice, I guess. I can do long wintery walks - and for those days when I can't be bothered, I took my mini stepper here with me. I used it once earlier this week, but before that I haven't touched it in years. I hate using it at home, since it is LOUD. It's okay for the first ten minutes or so, but then it starts squeaking and moaning like mad. I think it secretly wants to be a bed in a porn movie and practises with all the sound effects. Seriously, when I was still putting it into good use some five years ago, the downstairs neighbour one day came to complain about the noise. The look on her face pretty much said it all when she casually remarked that they had been wondering about the noise with her husband. Yep, mini stepper was sent into the corner to gather dust and I learned that when buying exercise equipment it is never a good idea to get the cheapest thing.

Polite little boys and booksales.

I have learned today that not all wee lads are impolite little monsters. I was coming back from work today a bit earlier than usual, must’ve been around 3.30 when I passed the daycare centre close to my house. A little boy – probably somewhere between 4-6 years of age, I absolutely cannot tell how old children are – asked me to pass him a little red ball which they had accidentally hit on the wrong side of the fence (playing something they were). And – this is the point – he asked me if I could give it back using the polite you. Such a little thing and he knows how to use the polite you and to say thank you. I was quite impressed.

I went to that bookstore I was talking about yesterday and realised that I don’t need to leave in any pre-orders, since their sale had already started too. I did my best navigating through the throngs and came home eight books richer and nearly 50 euros poorer. There were only two books that I really wanted that I couldn’t find anymore and the rest I decided to leave after a closer inspection. Now I have some more nice books just waiting to be read: Vasili Grossman, Niko Kazantzakis, Günter Grass, Bernhard Schlink, Thomas More, Jean-Jacques Rousseau, V. S. Naipaul’s non-fictional book about Islamic culture and the odd book about the roots of the Christ-worship in pagan rituals, which I cannot tell whether it is written with a serious intent or whether it’s just sensational popularism. We’ll find out after reading it, won’t we?

It’s seven o’clock and I’m insanely tired. The house looks like it hasn’t been cleaned in two weeks – which is more or less true – which means that in addition to packing I also need to do some cleaning up (bollocks!) before heading to Imatra tomorrow. I’m hoping to leave before one o’clock so I don’t need to drive in the dark for that long. I guess I should start cleaning up now, but I’m really not going to. I’m going to have something to eat, some more tea – I have developed a serious tea addiction – and then either sleep, read, watch some television or see what the wonderful world of web has to offer. Absolutely – nothing – useful.

Thor's day

Today for awhile it felt like spring. It's been above zero a couple of days and around here everything is icy and downtown the snow has pretty much melted away. I went to the main library of the University to get some more books to take with me to this cat-sitting trip of mine. Wait, I didn't mention that yet, did I? I'm taking off to Imatra on Saturday for two weeks because the parental units are heading to Egypt. I'll be minding their cat and mine, which stayed there after Christmas to wait for my return. The poor thing expressed so loudly her displeasure at the thought of travelling in the car again for a three hours and more, that we thought it best to leave her to enjoy the bigger house and some feline company.

Yeah, but the springly feeling. Next to the University main library there is this patch of land, from where the snow had completely melted away revealing a still nicely green lawn. That was so lovely - green nature-stuff in January! Purty. Well, spring of course is still two-three months away, so one can't start getting too excited yet.

The sales in some of the book-stores started today. I checked one place and got myself three books with less than 12 euros alltogether: one book by Imre Kertész and two by JM Coetzee. I've also been going through a pre-sale catalogue by another bookstore and I'm trying to decide where to draw the spending limit. They have something like twenty books that I'd like and even if the books are terribly cheap that would be more than 100 euros. On the other hand do I really spend on anything other than books? Nope. I'll have to drop by there tomorrow and see if it is possible to get someone else to pick up the order. It needs to be done by the 28th of January at the latest and I'll still be in Imatra then.

I was also planning to go to the movies today, since they had a 5 € day, but I wasn't the only one with that particular plan. Everything worth watching sold out by the time I turned up, so I walked to the bus stop and came home to make some dinner. I had my heart set on making some pasta with chilitomato-sauce, onions, garlic and red peppers and I had everything chopped down by the time I realised I have no pasta. Since I am a lazy soul, I decided to get creative instead of heading to the store again and so I used rice instead. It was actually very good. And despite this fairly late eating I've lost weight again. Yay, happy.

I'm back

Hello again! I've been busy having a healthy life - which has included trying to stay away from them computer a little - and therefore you haven't heard from me.

I am happy to report that thus far I've been able to stick to my new year's resolutions. I've read my fifty pages everyday - and noticed while doing it that as important as deciding what you read, is to pay attention to how you read. I've also realised that there is just so much a person can read in a year and there is so so much I still need to find out.

My healthier life goes well at the moment too. I've eaten like a good bunny in a cabbage patch, been to the gym and to long walks and have managed to lose 1½ kilos already. Mostly the extra Christmas-kilos of course, which it is fairly easy to lose. Still this time I'm feeling hopeful that my healthy life might succeed for a bit longer than the usual two weeks.

I haven't found my own style yet, but I did go through my closet and threw some clothes out. I'll continue with that later.

I also haven't gotten cultural yet, but I am planning to go and get tickets for a performance at the Helsinki Philharmonics (Helsingin kaupunginorkesteri) on the 9th of March. A modern song cycle by the composer Torsten Rasch based on the lyrics of Rammstein songs. What, you're not interested?! Why not? It's like a modern opera. It'll be a classic in two hundred years. If you'd be alive still then you could brag to everyone that you saw it already before it became a classic.

I haven't had a chance to develop opinions yet - besides the one's I already possess - or become less nice. That is really hard work. I have also succumbed to playing sudoku once or twice, but not for any unreasonable times.

Yep, all in all I am very happy with the start of this year.

A new year begins...

The last day of the holidays; the first day of the year. I’ve been reading mostly and not succeeded too well in starting my healthy life: pizza, potato chips, soda and no unnecessary steps. But it’s still the holidays and one can’t start a new life during the holidays. Right? I’ll start tomorrow.

I’ve been reading books today as I said, and wondering what makes a good book. These two that I’m thinking about are easy to read, entertaining, but I know I will forget them in absolutely no time. Especially when reading the first one I couldn’t help but think that I could probably produce something equally good. And then, of course, I got immediately struck by the doubts. Dear woman, are you a delusional egomaniac?! That book got published, it even got translated, someone must have thought it was worth it! Perhaps that is what bothers me. That if I am worse than her then I seriously do suck at writing. That if I am better then I have to stop making excuses and start writing for real.

Of course it isn’t always a question of being worse or better or even as good. Sometimes it is a question of the supply meeting the demand. An x number of people have a fondness for a “Bridget Jones” meets “Sex in the city” -style books even if they are second-rate versions. An x minus y number of people probably have a fondness for my style, which tends somewhat towards cynicism. Or even worse, in my early writings it tended towards pink, fluffy, everyone-has-to-love-everyone –worlds. I’d probably bore myself.

Hmmm, hmm, hmm, I'm getting ideas again, but I think it's too late to think anymore tonight. I'll watch some TV now and consider ideas later.